That'll Be Nine Bits Change, Please
Revan's hooves shuffled over a floorboard of fine oak. He led Bard into a wide, square chamber complete with plush seats and an ornate desk.
“Now this here's a purdy nice office, ain't it?” Bard remarked, looking up and down.
“I'm rather fond of it, yes.”
“How many islands didja have to blow up for the lumber?”
Revan turned around with a smile. “You're as witty as you are resourceful, Mr. Bard.” He gestured at a sofa in the middle of the room. “Care to have a seat?”
“Thanks, no thanks.” Bard shuffled past him and chose another seat. “I'd rather have my back to this here wall, if ya dun mind.”
Revan glanced over his shoulder. When the escort of two guards threw him a worried look, he dismissed them with an angry sneer, then turned back to Bard with a calm smile. “I assure you, bounty hunter, you've got nothing to be anxious about. This is simply a good-hearted business transaction.”
“Well, glad to hear it!” Bard plopped his hat off and rested it on the chair's hoof rest. “Cuz I aim to transact me some businness! Mmmm!” He dropped Echo like a sack of meat. Thud! Upon hearing the sarosian's pained grunt, he muttered: “Oh hush. It's either this or the Torture Hole at Mudtop.” Fwomp! He reclined lazily on the chair. “Eyaaaauhhh... that hits the spot. Whew!”
Revan's muzzle twitched, but he bore his best smile. “Do make yourself at home...”
“Dun mind if I do,” Bard said, leaning back and tossing his shiny brown mane. “Y'know... this place sure is a whole lot niftier on the inside.”
“The Syndicate makes friends with all subjects of Verlaxion from both far and wide,” Revan said, sitting down at his desk and pivoting to face the stallion. “We pride ourselves on a certain degree of eloquence in manners as well as décor.”
“Well, in the end, reckon it only matters that all the important insides are painted all pretty-like.” Bard tilted his chin up with a smug grin.
“... … ...” Revan bore a crooked smile. “Quite.”
“Heheheh...” Bard pointed. “I fancy you Mr. Raven.”
“Revan. Ahem.” Revan leaned back, exhaling. “I couldn't help but notice that you mentioned Mudtop.”
“Reckon I did.”
“You wouldn't happen to have run into any... unsavory ponies from such a place, would you?”
“Buddy, I done run into yer unsavory character here,” Bard said. A beat. He chuckled and pointed at the squirming sarosian bound on the floor. “I mean this here bat-feller. Eheheh...”
“Mmmm... but of course.”
“Hrmmmfffnnghh...” Echo groaned, rubbing his dull cheek against the floorboards.
“And damned if it didn't tar my hide somethin' fierce tryin' to get him shackled all still-like.” Bard shifted his weight in the chair. “Would've been a mite easier if I didn't have a bunch of citizens chompin' at the bit to lynch somepony at every turn, not to mention random households burstin' up into flames. Whew-wee! What kind of a tinderbox are y'all sittin' on out here?”
“Rust has... seen better days,” Revan said. “You have no idea how much it's pained my heart to see otherwise civilized ponies turned into vagabonds due to their pain and distrust. I've been working very hard, twenty-four seven, to get to the bottom of this mess.” He gestured at Echo. “Acquiring a miscreant like this is just the edge I need to fill in the empty gaps in our infrastructure. He might have caused you a bit of a headache, Mr. Bard, but this midnighter has been nothing but an absolute tumor to us since we arrived.”
“Is that a fact?” Bard leaned back, kicking a hoof up as he smiled. “Cuz... y'know... that's what the Southern Hoof told me when they sent me here!”
Revan stared in silence. He only moved to swallow a lump down his throat. “So you have... consorted with the Muddredgers?”
“Pffft... 'consorted' is such a marble-muzzle word,” Bard said, stifling a laugh. “I'd much prefer 'banged my noggin' against' in frustration. Ya see...” He gestured. “They done offered me bits for Mr. Fangs here too, but they offered me nearly twice as many as y'all. And, I must say, between you and me Mr. Crow, that I've been mighty tempted by their fine and glittery wallets. But after all the trouble of gettin' to Rust on top of knowin' that I gotta make the lonesome journey back to Mud Top to speak ponies who ain't even their top execs...” He finished his rant with a groan.
“You are... no longer tempted, I gather?” Revan arched an eyebrow.
Bard arched one of his own. “That depends...”
Revan's nostrils flared. “On what.”
Bard smiled, eyes thin. “On just how fine and glittery you can make your offer.”
“Mr. Bard...” Revan leaned back. “Six thousand is a lot of bits.”
“And I've broken a lot of sweat over yer leather-winged home boy,” Bard said. “Now, there are ponies out there in the sea who respect that amount of back breakin', and they've got more than enough bits to show for that respect.” He scratched his stubbled chin, keeping a trained eye on Revan. “Now, you done said that this was a good-hearted business transaction. I brought the good-heart to the table.” He winked. “Now... how about we talk business?”
Revan took a fuming breath. To calm himself, he stood up and began pacing. “I won't lie to you, Mr. Bard.”
“Naturally...”
“The Syndicate has been choking for bits as of late...” Revan shuffled back and forth across the office. “It's because of creeps like Mr. Echo there.”
“Uh huh...” Bard's brown eyes darted up to a clock that hung on the wall. He gulped and returned his gaze upon Revan. “Do go on...”
“I would very much like to start an amicable partnership with the likes of a talented bounty hunter such as yourself, but you have to understand—”
“Rainbow, it's been more than enough time, darling,” Rarity said. “I do believe we have stalled enough.”
“I'm with you on that,” Rainbow said, staring across the platform in front of the large Stronghold building. Her mane billowed in the sea breeze. “By now, Wildcard should hopefully have done his stuff.”
“I'm sensing his signature from deep below us,” Twilight said. “He seems to be in one piece.”
“Yeah; that or his metal arm is.”
Twilight bit her lip. “Yes, well...”
“Honestly, Rainbow, what are we waiting for?”
Rainbow scanned and scanned the nearby environment. At last, her ears twitched, and she smiled. “Rares...” She leaned her head aside, pointing at a series of metal poles. “Those are looking pretty janky. Any of them got a weak point?”
Rarity squinted at the structures. Her horn glowed. “...I should say as much!”
“Well then...” Rainbow cracked the joints in her neck and smirked at the two phantoms. “I believe we've got ourselves a distraction.”
Two guards stood side by side, their eyes on the moody crowd.
“And I said, 'No, you've got chicken mouth!'” One thug said, smiling.
The other glared at him. “...Don't you ever learn a new tune?”
“Pffft. Like you're ever making 'Northern Hoof of the Month.'”
Swoooooosh CLANK! A blue blur swiped by the metal pole standing above them. The structure groaned.
“Buh...?” The guards looked up.
With a deep, resonating crack, the tall pole toppled over.”
“...Buh!” The two thugs went diving for cover. SMASSSSH! Part of the platform collapsed into the one below. Ponies within the Dust District stared up, their grimy faces squinting into the dastardly bright sunlight.
Several onlookers on the top platform gasped, staring wide-eyed.
The other two guards ran down the steps, panting. “What the Hell did you do?!”
“Nothing!” one of the previous two voice-cracked. “Brown Noise here just told a lame joke and it fell over!”
“Dude! What have I told you about saying my real name in public!”
“Well clean this shit up! If Boss Revan sees it—”
“Boss Revan is with a stallion client right now!”
“Pfft... y'know, when you say it like that—”
“Oh shut up! Come on! Lend me a hoof!”
While this sophomoric exchange continued, Rainbow Dash flew high above, unseen. She landed right in front of the unguarded door, standing behind a metal partition so as not to be visible.
“Rainbow, let me ask you just one thing,” Rarity hummed. “Do all of your brilliant schemes involve random acts of destruction?”
“Only the ones that matter,” Rainbow said. She looked aside. “Twilight?”
“I got you covered Mrs. Goldfish,” Twilight replied. She cleared her throat and spoke with a proud smile. “'Day Old Spaghetti.' Speak slowly and distinctly—”
“Yes, Nana.” Rainbow slapped her hoof over the intercom. “Hey guys! Day Old Spaghetti! N'stuff...”
Rarity and Twilight face-hoofed.
The two guards inside the foyer were already leaning their heads towards the intercom.
They exchanged nervous glances.
“Did Brown Noise sound... panicked to you?” he asked. “Like his voice is all high-pitched and raspy all of the sudden.”
“Something must have freaked him out,” the other said. “Maybe it'll explain the loud noise we just heard!”
“Well, he gave the password! Let's open it up!”
“Be prepared for anything.”
One guard knelt down before the keypad, pressing it with his hoof.
Outside, Rarity removed her head from being phased through the door. “They're activating it!”
“Okay, Rainbow...” Twilight pointed. “Careful and precisely now: Two-Two-Zero-Three-Zero-Four!”
“Lamest... code... ever...” Rainbow pressed the last button. The door buzzed, and then—
Hisssss! Steam vented as the thick barrier groaned open. The panels swiveled slowly, like rusted ice. Two stallions inside squirmed impatiently. The moment they had space to afford it, they charged outside, looking all around.
“Huh...?”
“Where's the riot?”
“I... figured pirates were catapulting hammerheads at us again.”
“Look!” One pointed down.
Both guards finally observed the property damage. Four of their companions were struggling to roll the fallen post away and patch up the hole.
“Ah jeez... ah jeez...” One guard fidgeted. “Boss Revan doesn't pay us enough to be blacksmiths!”
“Shhh! Let's just go down there and help 'em patch it up before he sees—”
Thwisssh! A blue blur shot overhead.
They stood in place, ears twitching.
“...did a grapefruit just pass by?”
“You're imagining things.”
“Damn heatstroke. Why couldn't we build a city atop a damn iceberg?”
“Shut up and lend me a hoof.” Both trotted down the rest of the stairs. “Keep an eye on the door.”
“Roger roger.”
Inside the building, Rainbow Dash pressed herself to the top of the doorframe. She stuck her muzzle down and peaked out onto the main platform. As soon as she saw a pair of eyes cast her way, she hid again, holding her breath. Several seconds flew by, but no hoofsteps alighted the foyer. She exhaled in relief.
“You know...” Rarity thought aloud. “...I'm starting to wonder if yours and the Desperadoes' expert planning was necessarily warranted.”
“Rarity, don't,” Rainbow grunted. “Before you do... just don't.”
“But I was only—”
“You were only nothing,” Rainbow said, flitting off down the nearest stairwell like a prismatic dragonfly. “Because the very moment you start, then things start hitting the fan that don't smell good.”
“Huh...?”
“I'm with Rainbow on this one, Rarity,” Twilight said. “Let's just get the rest of the job done and count our blessings later.”
“Oh, very well...” Rarity folded her forelimbs as she floated along. “It's just that, somehow, I expected a slight bit more swashbuckling...”
“Ah jeez. She's getting addicted,” Rainbow rasped.
“Shhhh!” Twilight insisted.
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This is wrong...nothing has screwed up yet.
Also:
Unecessary final "
I am well and truly curious as to what Echo's value is, because it seems to be more than bits.
Also, is it just me, or is anyone else misreading Mr. Bard into Mr. Bond?
----Thus ends the first, and likely last time I ever get first post on a chapter
I think that should be Ms. Gold fish.
Oh, and
Don't we all?
Good work getting in, Rainbow and the rest - now comes the hard part...
roger roger
Boy, she realised her error fast.
Things have gone too smoothly over the past few chapters. I don't like it.
Guards seem a bit dimwitted, though. And slightly wooden-eyed. That always makes things easier.
6198946
scontent.cdninstagram.com/hphotos-xpa1/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e15/11208488_100854873582934_455819926_n.jpg
It's... working? That's a first.
We're all so on edge, it'd be almost anti-climactic if the plan worked out alright.
Rarity...you will learn quickly, do not say that things "seem too easy", fate is a fickle bitch, and she does not tolerate being tempted like that.
-Memories given light, ease a lonely flight. Ynanhluutr.
That's one fruity grapefruit.
Also, verb tense/punctuation.
For the love of Luna.... Why Rarity? Why?
We're cooking with gas now! The only question now is 'at what point will things go pear-shaped'?
Twenty-count pike roll-outs.
Ten-count Spiderman pushups.
Knock 'em out!
Welp, I sense explosions in our future thanks to the marshmallow.
6199384 But I wanna Knock 'em out, not push...
Regardless I think it's safe to say that with Rarity saying it's too easy the fan is about to be hit with the shit. Unless that's what IC wants us to think and it'll go off without a hitch. Unless IC knew we'd figure that out and throws a fruity wrench in the plans. But what if he knew we'd expect him to do just that? Oh well, I'll just be over here with my popcorn in my fallout shelter with my printed copies of every chapter of every book in this series blocking the door.
“Rainbow, let me ask you just one thing,” Rarity hummed. “Do all of your brilliant schemes involve random acts of destruction?”
Eeyup. The stupid ones are twice as bad.
Bard. Is the smoothest little cowpegasus of all. Want him to stick around for at least the post shoggoth zone.
I wonder just how well insulated the boss office is, so he doesnt have to hear the complaints of the guards, but can he can hear the screams when pineapples attack?
Still waiting for Rarity to set everything ff, and Dash have to switch from Eohippos, to Hippopotamus.
Poor Wildcard. We cant hear him sign swearing at the waste transfer system he has to deal with. then again, there are those high power exhaust pumps, so thats definitely when the post digested biomaterial impacts upon the rotary bladed fluid propulsion device.
The names Bard, Mr Bard. Let me sing you the song of my people.
Talk about a suckup
Rarity has become Murphy's Law with legs!
It's like having a spectral black cat glued to your back!
Heh heh heh. Calm down Scarity.
Oh, I'm sure there will be plenty of buckles to swash before we get out of here...
THis Syndicate is starting to look more like a house of cards rather than a coordinated mafia...
6199543
Do you know there are businesses that will print one-off books for paying customers to their specifications?
When this series has wrapped up, I am going to proofread every chapter and fix all the little errors. I'm going to commission unique cover art and see if I can find a printing company who will print fancy page borders and calligraphic font, and place big gothic pictoral letters at the beginning of each chapter. I'm sure that kind of thing won't be a problem.
It will be a bit expensive, but I want this series bound in hardback, on my book shelves.
6200193
You're a funny one, pal.
This part of the story =
img12.deviantart.net/0771/i/2009/113/8/8/charlie_the_unicorn_3__sneaky_by_tdrusk.png
Also, after Austraeh saga is over, I want a story about Rarity becoming the pirate queen.
Silly guards are the best guards, if you ask me.
It's always "easy" to get into somewhere, getting out with the loot is the hard part. Rarity's already tempting fate, and we know that Rainbow's plans tend to go the way of the violent and explosive kind...
6199014
Shush! Before IC realizes things are going too well and changes the story!
6199062
Then again, I wouldn't put it past IC to throw us a curve ball and have this plan go perfectly just to mess with us.
6200331
Rarity's not my favorite of the mane six, but I would still read a story where she becomes a pirate queen. I feel like there's a surprising amount of potential in a story like that.
Rarity please things are going well just leave it at that for now.
Let's hope Bard can keep it up with the boss for a bit longer. Also I have this suspicion that Wildcard might have messed up or something. Hopefully I'm wrong though
6199384 I... I don't know how to do those things... Chancellor, I'm not certain those are real exercises.
You know, with the way the last hundred chapters have gone, I'd almost forgotten whom our esteemed author is. Everything's just going altogether too swimmingly. I had the sudden realization that things could go south here crazy fast. Bard and Echo could be strung up by their wings in no time, Smexygrif could be tasered off-screen, and Thunker would fold up like a lawn chair.
Or maybe the real dark stuff will hold off until we meet Verlax.
6199384
Something seems... off... here, but I can't quite put my finger on it...
6200331
i
i feel like i've seen a story about that exact thing
i'll get back to ya if'n i find it again
Well of course Rarity likes the swashbuckling. She's gotten involved in more fights and fisticuffs and laser blasts over the course of the show than the other 5 put together.
c2.staticflickr.com/8/7176/7141725061_b8f8614e45_b.jpg
6206120 My sentiments exactly.
6201496
Because Spiderman pushups are meant to be done on the ceiling, as in you're pulling yourself up towards the ceiling, with your feet stuck to the ceiling.
Well... so far so good. Let's see what will go wrong.
I love Bard here. He puts on the act perfectly.
-Spirit (Yeast and Treacle)
I personally think she really liked this stuff already, but didn't show it because 'a proper lady abhors violence'. I half expected her to be giving critiques about the techniques Rainbow uses to take down bad guys.
Pirate Rarity is best Rarity
So far things are going as smooth as possible. Let's see how quickly it can turn.
huzzah time to catch up!
So far, so good.
delete
_______________________
6293089
Dude we're talking about the pony who kicked the flanks off Applejack and FlutterB***h when Discorded. A pony doesn't just magically learn to kick flank that hard without proper training XD.
That and she's more than capable of dishing out the pain, but usually likes subterfuge, and a bit of verbal deception rather than brawn.
I could swear I saw this punchline before somewhere, but Google is completely unhelpful.
Edit: "you have", not "you've got". And of course it was another SSE story.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/227180/1/sunset-shimmy/morning-shes-shimmyin
Yeah, it was so bad the city facepoled.
Shouldn’t she close the door behind her and lock them out?
8730565
Only if she wants to alert some guard ponies to her presence long before they've made it to the Arrowhead.
Aaafh, it'd be real nice if Raripone and Lavender Chatter played look out instead of gossip!
The under utilization of ghost powers is mildly annoying me to death!
6210085
Really with Spider man pushups it's best to "pull 'em in."
Pike roll ups though, *shudders* require a bit more preperation than anyone should be willing to take.
...oh my God. Rainbow
How on Earth does-! ....grapefruit?!
Again?