Careful, Wrinkled Lips Can Sink Ships
“Professor Sinrar! What... uhhh... a coincidence!” Rainbow rubbed her muzzle one last time and pointed at the framed map that had fallen to the floor. “I was hoping I might run into you!” She smiled awkwardly, hovering in place before the stallion in his foyer. “To make a long story short, I'm... uhh... preparing an epic trip across Kihutaja, Rohbredden, and beyond. I heard you were—like—super good at making maps, and I was wondering if I could use some of your... ehhh... geographical expertise?”
“Ça alors! Is that a fact?!” The elder frowned, his yellow eyes narrowing behind his bifocals. “So a young spritely mare such as yourself is interested in seacharting!” He picked the map up with the wing opposite of the one he was holding his cane with. “No doubt you would like me to use up my free time in assisting you.”
“Erm... sure?” Rainbow blinked.
“You know what else is free?”
“What?” Rainbow asked. WHACK! The cane flew across her face again. “Augh!”
Sinrar leaned in, snarling in her face. “Pain!” He leaned forward, shaking the bludgeon while backing her into a stack of books. “Deep, inner anguish at having to placate the whole sand-sucking lot of you overprivileged nubile imbeciles! Merde!” He hobbled across the cluttered room, frowning. “As if the constant barrage of hormonal clatter and pretentious intellectual bedwetting wasn't enough to deal with, you have to insist on ransacking my own home!”
“Gnnngh...” Rainbow rubbed her head, floating evenly once again. “No offense, dude, but it's already kinda ransacked.”
“Dude?! Dude?!” Sinrar spun to frown at her. “I spent twelve years of my adult life earning more degrees than you can fling your poop at, you toilet-haired harpy!”
“Fine! Doctor Dude!” Rainbow sneered, floating closer. “And—look—you like being alone. I get it. But crotchety old habits aside, try and be objective about this. What's it gonna hurt to lend me a hoof with a little something? I promise, I'll be out of your beret the very moment that we're done!” WHACK! Rainbow clutched her nose again. “Owwww!”
“You get nothing, mademoiselle, save for the grace of my using that last address as lightly as I might hump a feather!” He lowered the cane to the floor with a vicious tap. “Now, dégage!” He tossed the map onto a nearby desktop and began rummaging around the place, re-cluttering it with clouds of settling dust. “I have very important business to attend to.”
“Grnng...” Rainbow wriggled her nose, glaring his way. “Doing what? Spitting into empty milk cartons, ya old bag?”
“Rainbow!” Twilight suddenly hovered in front of the pegasus. “Watch your tone!”
Rainbow seethed through her teeth, pointing at the old stallion. “Look, he's the one walking into this scene all piss and vinegar!”
“I mean it!” Twilight exclaimed. “Regardless of how he treats us, it's our duty to act as harmonic representatives here!”
“Oh for Pete's sake...” Rainbow's voice cracked before an onslaught of snarls: “I do not have the patience to be lectured on etiquette by a dorky ghost and a mummy in a beret!”
“Hein?” Sinrar spun, blinking. “Who in the Seven Shits are you talking to?”
“D'uhhhm...” Rainbow grimaced. She and Twilight bore identical blushes. “Uhhhm...”
“Let me guess...” Sinrar hobbled towards her, shaking his cane at her tummy. “You're another one of those pissant journeymares from the eastern archipelagos, thirsty for coral dust and other hallucinogenic samples from the ocean floor?!” He cocked his head to the side with a sadistic smirk. “What's the matter? Picked up too many delusions from your months stranded in the Blight?”
“You've got the wrong idea—”
“Have I?! HAH!” Sinrar grinned. “I've seen your kind before! Salt water sucking vagabonds of Rohbredden disgrace! All of you! Not even the zealots of Verlaxion have enough grace in their store to keep your lazy plots stuffed full of cotton! Bah! Well, we here in the K.M.C.A. cater to no coral addicted vagrants!”
“Wait, are you serious?” Rainbow squinted. “I sorta figured the K.M.C.A. kicked you out for being too crazy.” WHACK! “Augh... QUIT IT!”
“They could not handle my genius!” Sinrar barked back at her. “Which is fine! For I cannot handle their stupidity any more than I can handle yours! Epic trip across Kihutaja... BAH! Once you put your hooves on a boat, your soul is worthless, I say!”
Nick stuck his head out from behind a pile of books. “You take that back!” he hollered.
Sinrar spun towards him.
Nick blanched, then quickly zipped back into hiding.
“YOU!” Sinrar pointed with his cane. His gray brow furrowed. “Come out, you...”
With a suppressed whimper, Nick shuffled out into the heart of the foyer. He trotted closer, holding a protective forelimb over his horn.
“I know you...” Sinrar slurred.
“Ghhghh...” Rainbow paused in rubbing her forehead. “Wait, you do?”
“Yes... oui...” Sinrar's yellow eyes narrowed. “My sister's granddaughter spent a semester here about two winters ago. She spoke of the 'petite cheval with purple eyes.' She said he was most handsome and dashing.”
“Uhhh...” Nick lowered his forelimb. “Really?” WHACK! “Augh! Sonunva—”
“Of course not!” Sinrar growled. “She was supposed to spend three semesters here, not just one! Crush her dreams with an avalanche of boiling horse seed, will you?!” He raised his cane again.
“Whoah whoah whoah!” Nick fell on his haunches, squeaking. “It wasn't anything like that! I swear! I mean... I would never have—” He blinked. “Wait, how many winters ago?”
“Deux.”
“Right! I never did anything! I was too busy with my advanced nautical exams!”
“Too busy skipping class to do the nasty behind the gazebo is more like it! Hah! I know your type! You children of Kihutaja are all alike!”
“Hey! Take that back!” Nick frowned. “Not everypony is like me—er... I-I mean... like that! That, which... you said—”
“A crazy rainbow golem with a squeaky voice, I can understand! But you?! You should know better than to trespass into my manson!”
“I-I wasn't trespassing! I swear!”
“A likely story—”
As the old stallion and the young student went at it, Rainbow hovered in place, perpetually gawking. Next to her, Twilight drifted. Eventually, the ghostly unicorn's face glanced aside. She saw a large chest resting in the corner. Curious, she floated over, then phased her head through the dusty wooden surface. A half-minute later, she reemerged, gasping. Her wide eyes darted left and right. Eventually, after much fidgeting, she twirled towards Rainbow Dash.
“Psssst! Rainbow!”
The pegasus looked aside.
Twilight motioned towards her.
Eyes locked on the ensuing argument, Rainbow fluttered closer to the spectre. Twilight leaned in, then whispered close to Rainbow's ear.
Rainbow listened and listened. Suddenly, her ears folded back and her muzzle hung agape. “You've gotta be friggin' kidding me...”
“Well, what else could it possibly mean?!” She gestured out the thickly-curtained windows. “You don't see any of their kind around here.”
“But... but...” Rainbow bit her lip. “I saw what was left of the expedition, Twi! Only one made it! And... and he didn't have a very happy ending.”
“But what if there were others? I mean... at some point the Royal Houses would have sent a rescue expedition, don't you think?”
“I figured Azira would have told me.”
“She can't remember everything, Rainbow,” Twilight said. “History is long, and time longer.”
Rainbow merely stared at the unicorn. “For real, though, that's what's inside?”
“Have a look for yourself,” Twilight said, gesturing.
Rainbow darted over to the chest.
Instantly, Twilight flinched. “Wait! M-Maybe not now—”
By this point, Sinrar was practically leering over Nick, spitting. “—the only good use for limes since griffonkind invented fruit torture! But noooo. You had to come up with stupid and wasteful ways in which to give more and more ponies scurvy and gonorrhea—” Something flickered in the corner of his eye. The old stallion looked aside, and his beret fell off from the force of his outburst: “Non! Stay away from my chest!”
But it was too late. With a grunt, Rainbow opened the dusty container, exposing a stack of yellowed papers full of sketches of banners, armor, and ship sails. Each item had a common theme—that of deer antlers. No sooner had these illustrations seen the light of day when a weathered cane slapped the chest shut.
“What...” Nick stood up, shivering. “Wh-what was that?!”
“Nothing...” Sinrar wheezed, his voice suddenly thin and trembling—like his frame. “It was... erm... nothing...”
“Mule muffins,” Rainbow blurted, squinting at him hard. “Somepony's got an obsession. Do you like to draw, Dr. Dude?”
“Don't be ridiculous!” The old pegasus picked up his beret and slapped it over his faded orange mane. “Mrrmmf... I like to collect.”
Rainbow blinked. “Papers full of antler motifs?”
“Yeah,” Nick grumbled. “That and milk cartons.” WHACK! “Ow!”
Sinrar spat, “You do not see me judging you over what you like to sleep in! Hein? Dégénéré!” He turned to frown at Rainbow. “For your information, that is the result of a lifelong project of intense research and study!”
“You're getting on with your years, Professor,” Rainbow said. “Must be a little bit hard to put together a research paper when you treat the rest of the world like garbage.”
“Do you have a point in all of this rhetoric, harpy?”
“I'm wondering what it is that they kicked you out of the Academy for first?” Rainbow bore a smirk. “Giving a kid a concussion, or the entire Geography Board due to some crackpot theory?”
Nick winced visibly. Nervous purple eyes darted between Rainbow Dash and the old stallion.
Twilight gulped.
After a few seconds of silence, Sinrar said, “...it was a bold theory, which was the only sin.” His nostrils flared. “Centuries ago, something emerged from the blight.”
“Something or someone?” Rainbow cocked her head to the side. “Deer, perhaps?”
“What does it matter to you?! There's no coral in it!”
Nick sighed. “Let's just go, Rainbow. There's no reaching him—”
Rainbow brushed him aside, floating closer to the professor. “I know that there's a civilization on the other side of the Blight! Only, unlike you, I have more than just evidence!” She grinned. “I've got eyewitness testimony!”
“Hah!” Sinrar cackled. “What kind of a game are you trying to pull? It took me nearly two decades to scrounge up the paltry artifacts left by eons gone by! Whatever culture was capable of making it through the Blight, they had more balls than you!” He turned about, trotting up to a desk and resting his cane. “Please... fly off and carry your farts with you! I've got better things to do than—”
Th-Thap! An ornamental dagger with an antler motif landed on the tabletop before him.
Sinrar's bifocal slid down to the edge of his muzzle. His mouth hung wide open.
“—amuse foals.” His throat dried up, as evidence by his raspy voice. “Make love to me in a pickle jar...”
“That...” Rainbow pointed while Twilight looked over her shoulder. “...is the Dagger of Evo. The Eighth Dagger to be exact.” She smirked. “It was personally given to me by Prince Eine, son of King Lunarius and Queen Azura, and heir to the throne of Val Roa, the easternmost civilization situated upon the verge of the Grand Choke... or what you ponies like to call the Blight.”
“That... it...” Sinrar looked towards Rainbow. “...Val Roa?”
“Val Roa?” Nick cooed.
“One of several kingdoms that I have personally visited,” Rainbow said. “Along with Silvadel... Luxmare.... Xona... Darkstine...” She smirked. “I, personally, come from a land called Equestria.”
Sinrar squinted.
“Yeah... heh...” Rainbow Dash chuckled. “I didn't roll that one off first cuz I figured it sounds made up. But trust me... it is very real.” She pointed at her pendant. “As is the Element of Loyalty that's been enchanted personally by Princess Luna in order to assist me in my travels. I can communicate to her across the Light Side of this plane via the full moon. If you want, you can listen to a bit of our conversation tonight.”
Nick blinked at Rainbow, his lips pursed in wonder. He glanced at Sinrar.
The Professor was appropriately speechless. Eventually, he stammered, “This dagger... it's so... pristine... so real.”
“That's because it is, ya old coot,” Rainbow said. “And if you like, I can tell you all about what's on the west side of the Blight.” She arched an eyebrow. “If you're willing to lend me a hoof.”
Twilight smirked proudly, awaiting the Professor's response.
Sinrar sighed. He slumped back on his haunches and removed his beret, slapping it down onto the tabletop. “Merde.”
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Learning?
2unAmerican4me
Now that's interesting. A deer did make it.
Stuffy Sinrar x Stuffy Luna. I ship it. It's going to happen.
-Spirit
I have a weird enjoyment of seeing old people's lifelong hopes and dreams get vindicated.
Even if this one is a horrible old bat(on the surface).
I'M SHIPPING SINICK AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME
*reads shipping comments*
...Y'all need Celestia.
Sheesh, Sinrar's like some unholy hybrid between Josho and Floydien. And maybe Pilate. He seems to be into maps.
Heh, what a time to bring out the dagger. And mention Luna.
And a deer or someone from the Val Roan expedition made it through. This just got a whole lot more interesting.
Free Pain for ever'body.
i.imgur.com/cP0QpdH.jpg
and BEEs.
Skirts circumventing the no-cursing rule with different languages. Lulz
5871686 No, we need to ship Celestia! Ship all the ponies!
5871697 This is skirts you're talking to. There are no rules.
5871697
huh
Rainbow has suffered 4 whacks, Nick 2. Also, it really does sound silly when Rainbow just lists off all the places she's been. Since when has she cared though.
5871683
That ship is bound to sinick, amirite?
So...
5871716 ...I will grudgingly give you that one. Though you do realize that's long enough for a chapter title.
Now things are going to get interesting. I suppose it's about time Nick learns about Twilight, hm?
5871686 Sinraria? I'd ship it.
Anyone think IC just sits staring at this chapter after he posts it, watching the live reader count climb up and up?
Isnt keeping deer antlers, uh, extremely creepy? Like having a human skeleton as a chandelier?
5871727
Azura's Wrrath
5871748
I said this before, and I mantain that IC is sitting in front of the monitor with a glass of wine in one hand and a cat-sized pony on his lap while reading this and laughing to himself.
I like the proffesor. He is really whacky.
5871732
Sounds like a name of a country.
5871686 Until Swan Song gets a legit character in this story, my headcanon has no room for a Sinrar ship.
5871687 Sounds about right, except he doesn't enjoy riding on ships apparently, doesn't have an addiction to food, and would probably have an aneurysm trying to understand what it means to "shimmer the glimmer of the stabby stabs." He does seem to have an addiction to hitting people upside the head, however. Hmm...
HEY ZAID! C'MERE A SEC!
I wanna introduce you to my buddy Sinrar. He keeps the pimp hoof strong.
5871691
5871779
Yes. If Swannie gets a character, she must be shipped with Sinrar. Good plan.
.............................I am not sure how to respond to this..............
..........there's kinky, and then there's that..........
5871790 Indeed. this must become a thing.
That sounds... interesting.
Well, it's good thing that dagger made it through the Choke isn't it?
5871686
Don't you mean Rainbow Dash, since she's Jesus? Celestia would be god, and Twilight Spookle is the holy ghost.
Someone talented(Swan Song?) please photoshop their heads onto the holy trinity.
More religion bs for Mr. Pilate
I shall now read Dr. Sinrar's lines with the Spy's voice.
I still have the urge to relike this story each time I reach the end of some of these chapters. I love this old fart!
5871849
I was picturing Jean Reno, because Jean Reno.
5871849
That's hilarious.
Well that shut him up quick. I wonder if Sinrar's head is going to explode when he hears from Luna.... or he will just thwack Rainbow Dash again.
5871748 Not only that, but he also laughs manically at the screen.
Yep far more then enough info for him. It's going to be interesting if/when he hears from Luna.At least now there is a chance for less pain, maybe but it seems unlikely.
One of the Val Roans made it? I wonder if it's any relation to the outpost on the other coast.
Wasn't someone going to count how many times that cane got used? Could of sworn I saw that as a comment last chapter.
Well now... If Lulu, Celly and Spike are still together then this should be one hay of a conversation.
I admit though... I am curious how the link works on Luna's end.
Do the others have to touch her in someway like King Kai? or does it work more like Mitsuru and Artemisia, where they just have to be near her to hear and talk at her to talk to Dash?
Was this covered before and I just forgot?
almost forgot my rhyme...
-Memories given light, ease a lonely flight. Ynanhluutr.
He removed his beret, so he's no longer an enemy. Best to hide his cane anyway, just in case he puts his hat back on.
5871776
I can see why he's no longer on staff.
Goddamn, Rainbow. Taking that old coot to task with cold, hard truth. That was very satisfying to read. Sinrar getting to sit in on a Moonchat oughta be interesting, as should revelations about Miss Spookle.
Also, I'm kinda surprised one of the deer made it. Did they make two rafts, back at the outpost, or what? Surely he didn't swim.
Sinrar is best Phrench pony from Prance. This chapter was a hoot and a half.
5871686
Wait, who do you want us to ship her with?
5871754 In real life, a deer's antlers fall off and regrow annually, so its not quite that bad, its more like collecting hair or fingernails.
Well that was a thing that happened.
Nick is just sitting there, confused, while a rainbow-maned pegasus with a red pendant and an (b)old, crazy, prench-speaking cartographer battle it out with words and a cane, with the duel being ended by the old pony being struck dumb by the appearance of a dagger and bribed into talking with the Goddess of the moon, who is on the other side of unexplored and dangerous territory to the west.
Yeap, that sounds about right.
-Tarane
So... Before, we got somepony who got hit often. Now, we get somepony who hits others often. Me likey~
pls don't hit me... >.>
5872103
Yeah. How DID he/she/it reach that place to begin with? I mean, even physics stopped working! Maybe they had a some paddles?
5871716 No need to be so Sinickal
I think this guys beret is too tight...old coot done farted away his sanity.
I fart in your general direction.
I am rubber, you are glue.
Spike/Nick:Guys, the hoofball games on.
If there are enough crazed adventurers to make it accross an impassible region so that at least one makes it before dieing, then there is a greater chance that at least one will make it in the return direction because of information.
First rule of the scouts. Do your best to tell the next guy what killed you.
So besides Equestria, RD visited six countries over six books. Coincidence? I think not.
There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small world after all
Still bigger than you have dreamed, old horse.
Nice...
Heh heh heh. Poor mare...
Aaah such a wonderful Horse M.D vibe from this.
Argh, the French! It burns!
Now, that I've got my natural British instincts out of the way, I'm quite thrilled to have a character I can somewhat relate to. A grouchy, zany, aging coot who sits at home all day and hates people. Jolly good. Except he's French.
I'm not entirely sure Luna is going to be all that pleased with having some moody, shouty French geezer whacking Rainbow with a cane while they try and conduct what should have been a private conversation about Twilight or delicate matters such as parting with the Noble Jury and crossing the Choke, or how to deal with Verlax. But sure thing Rainbow, bring him along.