Where Every Pony Curses Your Name
“You've been screwed over?!?” A resident of Rust sputtered. “Those jokers smashed my fish stands to shreds!”
“They threw each other into my store window!” another retorted, adding to the loud, rising tumult atop the platforms of Rust. “There's broken glass all over my imported whale fat!”
“Just who were these morons anyway?!”
“They came up out of the Dust District!”
“The Dust District?! That's it!” One pony stormed off, frowning. “The the Boss is gonna hear about this!”
“Hey! Don't go without us!” Several more joined the thickening march. “I want a word with him too!”
“Yeah! This kind of out-of-control riff raff simply cannot stand!”
“Something's gotta be done!”
“Hear hear!”
The crowd surged on, ascending the platforms until they formed a tight pony flood in the center of Rust. Meanwhile—several blocks away—Theanim Mane cowered under an awning, watching with nervous eyes. He gulped, then backtrotted away from the scene. Holding his breath, the stallion made a mad dash for the hotel district on the other side of town.
Fwoooooosh!—THAP! A weighted figure landed right in front of the scientist.
“Aaaugh!” He hobbled backwards, flinching heavily. “Please! Take all my bits! Just don't smash my camera—”
“Relax, doc,” Rainbow wheezed. “The main event's over. It's me.”
“H-huh?!” Theanim looked up. He saw a sweaty, vomit-stained mare standing in front of him, wings coiling. “Oh, praise the Queen!” He glanced to the side to see a dizzy sarosian. “Oh. And you got Echo. Brilliant.”
“Nice to... urp...” Echo grimaced, fighting to keep his remaining lunch in. “...see you too, buttlette.”
“How in blazes did you find me?” Theanim stammered.
Rainbow pointed. “Twilight sensed your magic soul-stealing box.”
“Well, I hate to prematurely ruin our celebration, but we'd best make ourselves scarce.” Theanim gulped, pointing towards the commotion on the far side of town. “None too many locals are all that happy about the collateral damage that's been caused.”
“I couldn't agree more.” Rainbow motioned towards the nearest line of platforms. “Let's make it to the hotel. Super quick.”
“Erm...” Theanim pointed towards another alley. “Might I suggest the shadier route?”
“Doc, we haven't much time—”
“It's far less sunny this way,” Theanim said. “And poor Echo's coat—”
“Huh?” Rainbow Dash blinked, then winced. “Ah jeez! Sarosians and sunlight!” She threw Echo a nervous grimace. “I totally forgot!”
“I... urp... didn't,” Echo wheezed.
“Here...” Theanim squatted low. “Hoist him over me.”
“Right.” Rainbow slumped the groaning bat pony over Theanim's backside and led the two of them briskly down the nearest alley. “But let's not waste any time.”
“I'm sure we'll be safe in the hotel.”
“Dude, we're just going there to get the rest of our stuff. I think we should make for the Midnight Dreary and sail away as soon as friggin' possible.”
“What for?” Theanim blinked curiously. “Did you not shake loose those miscreants?”
“Let's just say I don't wanna take any chances,” Rainbow wheezed, galloping ahead. “Your friend's in some serious... serious hot water.”
“Erm... exactly h-how serious?”
Fifteen minutes later...
“They wanted to take you to Mud Top?!?” Theanim's voice echoed off the walls of the narrow hotel hallway. He gave his flank an angry shake. “Old chap, that' place is a pure den of iniquity! Only pirates and rapscallions do business there!”
“Yeah... well...” Echo shuddered, flouncing weakly atop Theanim's backside. “I don't write the 'bad guy rules.'”
“No, you just abide by them when it suits you,” Theanim hissed angrily. “And then when it becomes too much to bear, you cloud your troubles with smoked coral and hope that tomorrow goes away!” He snarled. “No wonder those rogues wanted you so badly! Is it enough to tick off both the Southern Hoof and the Syndicate here in Rust?”
“Will you guys save your lover's spat for when we're on the boat?!” Rainbow growled back, nervously glancing ahead as they traversed the rest of the corridor. “I won't feel safe until we're off this dang platform and back on the waves!”
“And just where will we go, pray tell?!” Theanim exclaimed. “If Echo's wanted by the Southern Hoof, then there's no way they'll let us into Shoggoth so long as we have him!”
“Well, we can't just leave him here either!”
“But Rainbow Dash! The Next Seed—”
“One thing at a friggin' time!” Rainbow growled. “I'll... I'll think of something! We'll think of something! For right now, I've had all I could take of Rust and so's your friend!”
“You should listen to the fruitmancer,” Echo droned.
“Oh hush!” Theanim frowned, cheeks red. “You're lucky we even stopped in here to sniff out your... mmmm... money defecating hide!”
“Theams, if you suck so badly at giving insults, you really shouldn't try.”
“Why of all the—”
“Shhhh! Dudes! Rein it in!” Rainbow frowned. “The both of you! Celestia on a bike, why's every group I'm in a Luna-damn sausage party as of late?!” She sighed, then murmured forward. “Twi? Rares? How's it looking?”
Rarity drifted closer, hovering backwards in front of Rainbow. “Seems like most everypony's exited the hotel. I imagine they've gone into the streets to find out what the commotion's all about.”
“Seems like Rust is pretty big on mob mentality,” Rainbow muttered.
“They're simply wishing to file their grievances with the Syndicate's Boss.”
“They can do that?” Rainbow asked.
“When it suits them,” Echo murmured, belching once more. His sickly eyes traced the corners of the room. “Trial by hysteria. It's all pretty cute, until you're the one hanging from a noose.”
“Verlaxion's sleet,” Theanim exhaled.
“I know.” Echo's leafy ears drooped. “If my wings could work, I'd have ditched this shithole months ago.”
“Yeah... just what's up with that, buddy?” Rainbow remarked.
“Erm... another time perhaps,” Theanim remarked. “When my friend feels like sharing.”
“Huh?” Rainbow looked behind her. “Why not now?”
“Uhm... Rainbow?” Twilight's voice murmured from ahead.
“Oh hey! You found our room?” Rainbow smiled, dashing ahead. “Perfect! I swear, if it didn't have a dang hammock etched into the front door...”
“No! Wait!” Twilight phased through the wall. “Before you go in there—”
“Twi, I said it before, we need to get our stuff.” Rainbow turned the doorknob and trotted inside. “Besides, if the price on Echo here is that high, then there's no telling who else might wanna—” She took only three steps inside, and immediately barked: “Oh for Pete's sake!”
A thoroughly bruised Bard tilted a singed stetson. “Evenin', Missy.” He and Wildcard stood before the open, wind-blown patio to the hotel room. The feathers along the griffon's wings were still smoking along the edges. “Reckon we might have a little word with you.”
“Miss Dash?” Theanim trotted inside. “Whatever is the matter—Damnation!” He cowered behind the mare, shivering. “Is there ever any end?!”
Wildcard sighed and gestured something.
“Yup, and he's still in one piece too,” Bard nodded, eyeing Echo from afar. “How many times do I gotta tell ya, Dubya-Cee? She's good.”
“Yeah, well, she's also pissed!” Rainbow hopped up, snapped two blades loose from the ceiling fan, then struck a dangerous pose while holding the wooden pieces like a giant chakram. “So how about it, ya motherless biscuit eaters?! You wanna go round five?!”
“Darlin'... please...” Bard waved a hoof. He sighed heavily, then produced a tired smile. “Do you really think—after the mighty fine whoopin' that you've put us through—that we'd really fancy another go?”
“I dunno, you tell me!” Rainbow motioned out the window. “If you've had your fill, then why don't you just scram?”
“How did you even find our room anyways?!” Theanim's voice cracked.
“I made lurve to the hostess overnight for information,” Bard said, smiling wide.
“... … ...” Rainbow Dash and Theanim stared.
“Ahem...” Bard sighed again, gesturing aside at Wildcard. “Dubya-Cee here tracked the scent of bile and smoked coral the moment we flew back here.”
“Freakin' figures,” Echo moaned. “My life is an ash tray.”
“And we can't very well turn our flanks on an opportunity as profitable as this one,” Bard said. “The Southern Hoof wants their fella turned in safe and sound, so... Dubya-Cee and I was thinkin'...” He grinned. “...maybe there'd be a way we can all do this so it's most profitable to everypony. That way ya dun have to beat us to a pulp, and we dun have to chase ya to the ends of the earth. So... whaddya think?”
Rarity and Twilight bit their lips. They looked at Rainbow, the mercenaries, then at Rainbow again.
“Ahem...” Theanim brushed himself off and stood up prim and proper. “...the bull's shite.”
“Thanks, Doc,” Rainbow snarled.
“Phwuguuu...” Echo randomly slid off and collapsed to the hotel room floor. THUD!
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Anyone else feel like we're going to be seeing more of WC and Bard after Rainbow's time in Rust? It certainly feels like another Roarke, except it's a twofer and mixed with Zaid.
Yeah, thinking the same thing, here! When do these guys give up!?
Dear Jury:
pre06.deviantart.net/225a/th/pre/i/2012/235/4/0/look__there_s_a_moose__by_cooltomorrowkid-d5c15fe.png
These guys have Shell powers. They don't give up!
It's God's way of compensating for the SCOTUS ruling last week.
Looks like it takes two mercs to replace Roarke.
Nah, we need about fifty more.
Well, we definitely don't need another Shell...
Whew, RD's party is starting to grow weirder and weirder.
Yeah...kinda figured that wasn't the last of 'em.
Where everyone knows your name... A Cheers reference? Eh, probably just a coincidence.
Rainbow A. D. Dash: Master of improvised weapon use.
Well... at least they're trying to be reasonable.
-Memories given light,ease a lonely flight.Ynanhluutr
I'm probably supposed to feel extreme frustration here, but his was just too damn funny.
As long as they're not backstabbers, they might just become my new favourite Post-Jury characters.
Persistence must be a good quality to have in their profession.
Started reading End of Ponies, had to miss a whole week of this.
6154663
Wasn't Where Every Pony Knows Your Name already a chapter? Probably a reference to that.
Edit: Nope, I'm just stupid
... I know I said I suspected they'd be back at some point, but damn. I'm curious to see what they have in mind.
It's probably for the best. You don't seem to be in a hurry to tell Twilight and Rarity about your... ahem, preferences, and having mares around all the time would only exacerbate things. Staying in the closet is a lot easier when you aren't 'saluting the sky' all the live-long day.
I imagine that one day IC will run out of fruit-puns for Rainbow Dash.....
Silly Rainbow, they aren't Roarke.... They wouldn't survive a fifth round.
6154838
But at least you are much further enlightened from it.
P.S. You should totally read the Petra Arc Kaizo Draft in Short Scraps and Explosions after you're finished.
6154861
Ha! You underestimate him.
These guys are persistent. "If you can't beat her...", maybe?
I can already see that mob demanding to see
the managerThe the Boss will make things even more interesting.I'm almost sad I'll not be present for the next several days to see how it turns out. But there's always a catch-up binge I can look forward to.
6154841
Oh! So that's what that line meant. Derp, I'm slow sometimes.
6154607 If they had shell powers, they would have offed a few innocents whom one of Rainbow's friends cared deeply for by now. Nah these guys seem closer to Roarke TBH.
PARTY UP?!?!
Flying your way around the plane takes everything you've got
Taking a break to let your rage out sure would help a lot
Wouldn't you like to kick some flank?
Sometimes you wanna go
Where everypony curses your name
And they're always mad you came
You wanna be where you can see
None of these fights are tame
You wanna be where everypony curses your name
You wanna go where ponies know
You're anything but lame
You wanna go where everypony curses your name
Im starting to get the vibe from these two along the lines of, please dont hit us any more masser.
We can take you to where you want, and we will pay for everyone.
Han Solo and Chewbacca want to join your party.
-Yes <
-No
6155790
....You know, I can't believe I never thought of them like that. However, your list is wrong. The proper menu would look like this:
6154841
Imagine if she actually took one to bed, considering the ghosts can only go so far from her.
Ah yes, the good old Defeat Means Friendship rule rears its head.
Somehow I had a feeling they would try to make a deal. Might just work out somehow as well
And now I miss Roarke and Bellespark... and Kera... and Props... and Eagle eye...
Still not quite as good as the last bounty hunter, but not bad. They'll do, at least until the Tarkington shows up with Josho, Roarke, Seclorum, and pals. I still believe.
Despite what their plans are for Echo, these guys would be a valuable asset towards Rainbow's efforts. They can fight, and Bard isn't a bad strategist.
Someone's scared.
I wonder how those bounty-hunters will handle this. Perhaps if Rainbow plays her cards right, she can get those two bounty hunters to get them to Shoggoth--that way they can get Echo in there as well.
-Spirit (Yeast and Treacle)
Rainbow's tried and true method of kicking the shit out of people continues to earn her new friends.
I can't stop thinking of Bard as Braeburn, and it has added yet a lot more humour to all these chapters.
All this talk of Roarke inspired this non-sequitor:
Maud Pie, Searonese half-blade
Sarosian Scootaloo Confirmed!
6156558
6156851
Same here.
At least they know when their beat. I'll give them credit for that.
Seems Echo has quite the story to tell at some point, with his shady past and now non-functional wings.
It's good that Rainbow is slowly gathering a larger group together again, even if its through dubious means.
Will be interesting to see how things go with the two bounty hunters joining the party, they're good muscle and obviously decent at fighting but will they actually help Rainbow and co.?
6156558
'Tis the best method of making new friends, dontcha know
6155790 6155812
I too didn't see them in this light, but now that you mention it....
These guys are like taxes; they just don't know when to quit.
6154841
6155816
That would be the best chapter!
6156851 Everypony is gay for Bard.
6156531 Rainbow Dash, for defeating the Boss, we award you the title of Big Boss.
6156870
that... sounds legit
would definitely read that
Well, last time we had a bounty hunter join, awesome stuff happened. This time...guess we'll have to wait and see, but I don't think they'll be 'playing nice' as it were. I'm thinkin' middle-of-the-night-backstab-and/or-steal-and-run type of thing. Heh, if that does happen though, they steal the wrong thing, it'll be over for them real quick.
6155892
Ding ding.
Time and again I see this, and Finally I have decided to look up, for your viewing pleasure,
Celestia on a bike.
derpicdn.net/img/2013/1/3/201496/full.jpg
6162775
Celestia on a bike, that's Celestia on a bike!
Hmm . . . I don't know about this. Maybe the Bard and Dubya-Cee are sincere, but with a story that has a character like Shell, I am hypercritical of everyone.
Shady dealings are afoot.
The scientific term is "wretched hive of scum and villainy", I think.