Rob From Rich, Yodel to Poor
“Well, naturally, I do have many questions,” Theanim Mane said, his voice cracking. “At the very top of the list, quite predictably... uhm......” He gulped hard. “...have you lost your bloody mind, Miss Dash?!”
“For the first time since you morons got here, I share Theams' sentiment,” Echo murmured. He gulped and backed up into the far corner of the hotel, trembling. “Just whose side are you on, Lady West-of-Blight?!”
“I'm on the side that's most harmonic to everypony involved!” Rainbow exclaimed, eyes hard. She stood beside the patio to hers and Theanim Mane's hotel room. Bard and Wildcard stood next to the mare. Outside, a setting sun bathed Rust in red while work crews doused the smoldering remains of the burnt-out apartment complex across the harbor. “No matter what anypony in this room wants, there's a whole lot of crazy stuff going on, stuff that's way... waaaay bigger than a hoof-full of bits.”
“Oh, dun get us wrong,” Bard said. He tipped his hat with a smug grin. “We're gonna get our bits, one way or another.”
Rainbow clenched her eyes shut while Twilight and Rarity face hoofed. “Not... helping... dude...”
“Ya hear that?!” Echo spat. The sarosian pointed a weak hoof towards the two mercenaries silhouetted by the dwindling sunlight. “Once a snake in the grass, always a snake in the grass! These fish gutters wanna rob me of all I got!”
“Old chap, you possess nothing,” Theanim Mane sneered. “Perhaps if you were a tad bit more careful with how you handled your bits, you wouldn't be in it so deep with both the Northern and Southern Hooves of the Syndicate!”
“I told you...” Echo growled. “Once I met with that representative of the Western Consortium, I would have found a way to clear my name!”
“Hah!” Bard grinned. “Western Consortium?! Who in the hell do ya think tipped us off, bat-feller?”
Echo's slitted eyes blinked.
“You... you mean you nearly dug your own grave again?!” Theanim Mane gritted his teeth. “I swear to Verlaxion, Echo, there is no manner of root or reed that grows on this earth thickly enough with which to apply a swift and violent application to your rancid hide!”
“Hey... HEY!” Echo snapped. A few seconds rolled by. “...relax, Theams. For real. As for tou two... uh...” He exhaled with a dirty shudder. “...got any coral on you?!”
“Why you insufferable—!” Theanim dashed towards him.
Rainbow held him back. “Hey! Cut it out! For real, Doc!”
Wildcard looked at Bard and drew metal circles in the air next to his feathery skull.
“A-ahem...” Bard stepped forward with a tiny smirk, speaking over the angry ponies. “Perhaps we should start this out on a proper hoof. The name's Bard. This here's Wildcard.” He winked. “No relation.”
Theanim merely gawked at him. “But why on earth would ever think that—?”
“We're both what you'd call... Desperadoes.”
“'Soul-less ruffians' is more like it.”
“Doc...” Rainbow frowned. “Introduce yourself.”
“To them?!” Theanim's voice cracked. “What the devil for?! We don't owe these money-grabbing cheapskates anything!”
“Doc, if they try anything I will kick their flanks from here to Rohbredden's shores and they know it.”
Bard and Wildcard shuffled, avoiding the other ponies' gazes.
Theanim blinked.
“So please...” Rainbow gulped. “Work with me here...”
Theanim sighed... then sighed again. “I am Professor Theanim Mane of the Ninety-Seventh Rohbredden Scientific Order.”
“Tharrrr she blows!” Bard chirped.
Theanim and Rainbow stared.
“Ahem... c-couldn't help myself.” Bard motioned along. “Do go on.” Wildcard face-talon'd beside him.
“...as I was saying...” Theanim glared and continued. “I am officially tasked by Her Majesty's Council to explore the lengths of Verlaxion's Seas and report on my findings. This lifelong task has brought me to many landscapes and seascapes. In those journeys, I've crossed paths with my... foolish yet versatile friend here...” He glanced sideways at Echo. “...who has seen far better times, I assure you.” Clearing his throat, he faced the two mercenaries again. “Hearing that he's run into some... extreme financial troubles with the likes of the Syndicate worries me greatly. While a good part of me wishes to wring his neck, the healthy part—the part of me that still recognizes our deep friendship is rather keen on preserving what's left of his dignity... not to mention his skin.”
“Well, the fact of the matter is...” Bard paced forward slightly. “Yer buddy is in it deep. About eight thousand bits, to be exact.”
“Erm... you mean with the Southern Hoof?” Rainbow looked up. “I coulda sworn Echo told us ten thousand bits.”
“Ten flippin' thousand?!” Bard barked, grinning stupidly. “Whew!” He looked back at Wildcard. “I knew that Western Consortium varmint was holdin' out on us!”
“Meh,” Echo grumbled.
“And he owes seven thousand bits with the Rust Syndicate here,” Theanim droned. “Whatever the scenario, he isn't safe. Not here... and not with the Muddredgers.”
“Heh! Y'all got that right!”
Rainbow squinted. “And just who's paying you to reel him in?”
“Well... uhm...” Bard adjusted his stetson, stepping backwards. “Dubya-Cee and I dun particularly take kindly to the idea of singlin' out our employers...”
Rainbow's wings outstretched while her ruby eyes glinted menacingly. “Try me.”
Wildcard gulped. He gestured emphatically with Bard.
“Alright... alright!” Bard hissed. “Keep yer voice down. Ahem...” The stallion adjusted the weight of his guitar case. “As if it wasn't already obvious, the Southern Hoof of Shoggoth sent us here to grab the bat pony.”
“Yeah?” Rainbow cocked her head aside. “I heard you guys spit out something about 'Mud Top' earlier today. What's that all about?”
“It's where our employee was going to meet us for the exchange,” Bard said. “One body for several bits.”
“Exactly how many bits?”
Bard glanced at Wildcard, then back at Rainbow. “Ahem... twenty-seven thousand.”
Rainbow looked aside at Theanim. “Looks like your old friend's worth a lot more to the earth ponies who run Shoggoth.”
“Miss Dash, the Syndicate doesn't run Shoggoth,” Theanim grumbled. “The land above and below belongs to Princess Camellia. However... the Syndicate does manage trade and merchant operations within the Muddredger's dry confines. The city is—in essence—hollowed ground, which is most likely why they've directed these two doughpushers to the likes of Mudtop.”
“Hell...” Bard shrugged. “...it's where we've gone to do exchanges all the time!”
“Of that I have no doubt.” Theanim's blue eyes narrowed. “Seeing as it's a haven for scum like you.”
“Hey.” Bard shrugged. “They wanted to collect yer buddy there. Not us. Maybe you should start ponderin' just what ugly thangs yer buddy's been up to since you last shook hooves with him.”
“Indeed...” Theanim glared aside at Echo. “I'm starting to.”
Echo shuddered. “Look... I've done some things I'm not proud of.” Fangs showing, he pointed a dark hoof at the two mercenaries. “But when push comes to shove, I'm just the end product for pretentious buggers like you!”
“Like Hell you are!” Bard spat. “To fall in that deep, you would've done some dayum nasty stuff for the Syndicate! All of the Syndicate!” He adjusted his hat and pointed at himself and his buddy. “Dubya-Cee and I here?! We ain't cut from the same cloth.”
“Heh...” Echo rolled his slitted eyes. “Sure you're not.”
“Listen, pal... y'know who else wants a piece of yer hide?” Bard frowned. “Some mangy midnighters from a place called 'Bleak's Plummet.'”
Echo's pupils shrank and his leafy ears folded tight. “...you don't say...”
“Now, I dun know much about yer night-fartin' kind, but doesn't take a genius to know that batponies askin' for other batponies means blood... lots of it.” Bard's nostrils flared. “Now, these Bleak's Plummet fellers were offerin' thirty-five thousand bits for just the location of yer whereabouts. All it would have taken was a quick flight here-to-there-and-back and we'd have both been paid handsomely. But we also know what that means. How about you?”
“I... uhm...” Echo cleared his throat, his voice taking a dry, sober tone. “I know quite well what it means...”
“Echo...?” Theanim gazed at the sarosian, his muzzle agape. “Bleak's Plummet? Is... is this true?”
“This goes far beyond my sins, Theams,” Echo muttered. “It runs deep... long before you and I even met.”
“But... but I don't understand—” Theanim wheezed.
“What else is there to understand?” Bard remarked, grabbing the attention of the group. “We coulda gotten richer if we took them creepers up on the bounty. But, the way we figured it, if the Syndicate was also askin' for his head... then that means there was a group out there who was more concerned with his future liabilities... meanin' they were willin' to spare his head.” He folded his forelimbs. “Think of us what you will, but the Desperadoes ain't no murderers. We grab and haul bodies left and right across these seas, for sure, but so long as we expect their souls to stay attached. There are honest ways of goin' about makin' bits, and dishonest ways. Neither of them paint a picture for us unless it's a painting we can live with. Ain't that right, Dubya-Cee?”
Wildcard nodded.
“Good. Cuz you woulda given these folks the long version, wouldn't ya?”
The griffon rolled his goggled eyes.
“Are you guys really expecting us to swallow all of that?” Rainbow Dash remarked. “Like... we're supposed to trust you two just because you're supposedly so empathetic to the lives you stalk and grab for ransom?!”
“Correct me if I'm wrong, darlin', but you seem to be an excellent judge of character.” He tipped his hat, smiling. “Perhaps I am fibbin' somethin' awful. But if we wanted to take the money and run... like really wanted to... then we would have done it by now.”
“Yeah.” Rainbow glared. “And I would have kicked your butts.”
“And we know when we've been licked. But we also know when there's a need to be all sensible-like. After all, there are so few of us who roam the seas botherin' to think twice about everythang. So... how about it?” He shrugged. “Reckon there's a way to work this out so that the most of us get rich... but the whole of us stay alive n'healthy, ya feel me?”
Rainbow Dash stared at them, then gazed at Theanim.
Theanim looked distracted. Ever since “Bleak's Plummet” had been mentioned, the scientist had been gazing off in distant thought.
“Rainbow Dash...” Twilight softly spoke.
Rainbow looked over.
Twilight gulped and said, “Let's not forget something very important here. That fire that they helped us save the ponies from—”
“Anypony could be heroic just for show, Twi,” Rainbow whispered. “That's no guarantee that they're trustworthy.”
Twilight's eyes hardened. “The explosive, Rainbow. Remember the explosive. There had to have been more than one of them inside the apartment to have caused multiple fires. It's no mere coincidence.”
Rarity nodded. “There's something far darker than any other pony standing in this room. It would be unwise for us to ignore it, darling...”
“... … ...” Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. She turned towards the mercenaries. “I think there's something we're overlooking here.”
Theanim and Echo looked up.
Bard blinked. “And just what's that, Missy?”
“The Syndicate's been yanking Echo here back and forth like a yo-yo,” Rainbow said, gesturing. “The Southern Hoof reel him in to Rust with bits for bait in order to stab their Northern brothers in the back. When that falls apart, the Boss of Rust here extorts him into doing their bidding. And then the guys who hired him in the first place wanna spend even more bits to get him out of the platform city pronto... no questions asked.” She pointed at the sarosian. “Now he knows stuff... dirty stuff... like... stuff that can implicate the goons who run this place with arson and attempted murder.”
“Arson...?” Bard blinked awkwardly.
Wildcard slapped his shoulder, then gestured an “explosion” with his flesh-and-metal talons.
Bard's jaw dropped. He glanced back at Rainbow, shaking his head. “Naw... nawwwwww... for real?”
“What would you expect?” Theanim droned. He raised an eyebrow. “Dirty money goes to those who take on dirty jobs without question. Are you so surprised, mercenary?”
“But... but...” Bard waved a hoof. “To bomb their own citizens...” He eventually grimaced. “...I do suppose I have seen worse.”
“Not as badly as Echo here has seen it. Which makes him valuable. And so... there's a bounty on his head.” Rainbow paced around the room. “So... who stands the most to lose from him getting away scott-free?” She scuffled to a stop, glaring at the two bounty hunters. “And who stands the most to gain from him being thrown into irons so he could be made to shut up?”
Wildcard and Bard exchanged glances.
“Drive it home, darling,” Rarity said with a smirk.
“Here's an even better question.” Rainbow Dash grinned. “Who in this city... in this ocean best deserves to be screwed out of their bits?” Her eyes narrowed. “...while only the good guys profit?”
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Can't dislike Bard. I wonder if Wildcard knows when to hold'em, when to fold'em, when to walk away, when to run?
Also, now that we have the Ynanhluutr symbol, I wonder if Swan Song is gonna do the super-neat touchup thing.
I like these two new guys. They give off a Firefly vibe.
Thirty pushups and thirty situps, ):(. Knock 'em out!
6165221 I'm kinda picking up a more Han and Chewie vibe. Either way, I like it.
Princess Camellia is involved and not in a pretty way. Maybe wanted a sarosian(or something unusual with wings) because of something recent found in the holy subterranean structure.
6165241
Or she has a fetish.She may have been just naïvely unaware of the whole biznis.We need more princesses, on the double, since Twilight doesn't seem likely to get wings anytime soon.
Was it just me, or was this chapter better written than the previous few?
It's probably just me, I prefer intrigue/well done dialogue to stretched out fight scenes.
6165260
RD could fill that fetish. Quite the timing, eh?
They really need to learn which direction to use to describe our headbutt and suplex loving pegasus.
So it is spelled Mud Top, then later spelled Mudtop. Is there a consensus as to which is correct?
And so Rainbow gets some bounty hunters who don't want to kill their targets and one of them just happens to have an eye for her... I know it's not right to compare one character(s) to another, but I think I'm starting to side with the "Diet Roarke" crowd.
Luna spare me.
Never trust the Creepers, Bard. It'd just blow up in your face.
Man I really, REALLY hope these guys become long term party members, because they are great.
Okay fillies and gentlecolts...it's time to hatch something stupid. Come on Dash, show us how it's done.
Twi is gonna have such a headache when this one works.
-Memories given light, ease a lonely flight. Ynanhluutr.
I like Bard and Wildcard but I hope Echo sticks around as well, if only to get reactions out of Theanim. The guy is hilarious when he's angry.
6165199
I don't know, but I bet he never counts his money sittin' at the table.
Bat-pony version of Searo's Hold?
pwease...
I'll echo what others have said, and say that I really like Bard and WC. I hope they stick around for a bit.
And I'm curious about this Bleak's Plummet place, especially since it threw even Theanim for a loop. I wonder just who this Echo fellow really is.
Oooooohhhh! Does this mean we might encounter more batponies? Or an entire colony?
Please?
Pweaseeeeee?
orig15.deviantart.net/ddad/f/2014/010/0/9/plspls_midnight_by_vectorvito-d71ojyu.gif
I wonder if Echo's history with Bleak's Plummet has something do with his inability to fly.
6165318 You mean something stupid like waltz into Shoggoth with the bounty of the year, then skedaddle with Ponks and company? I like it.
Now you're thinking with stupid.
-Spirit (Yeast and Treacle)
I'm still waiting for Rainbow Dash to kick Bard's flank when he steals a kiss.
6165582 Pretty bloody muchly.
Pinks would be great at helping them skedaddle I bet.
6165221
What if I just do ten pushups, but with both sets of legs?
6165301
Honestly, I see no similarities myself between either of the two and Roarke Most Rare. Aside from being bounty hunters, and one having some metal, which isn't enough for me to call them similar. Their attitudes are too different.
Hmmmm I smell bat pony trafficking
A traitor to his own kind!
Or perhaps he sought to grow too powerful a long time ago, more powerful even than his master and so he was cast down into the abyss and his wings torn apart which is why he can't fly anymore and now he has returned after millennia alone in the dark and will-
No wait, that's Lucifer. Or Raziel, if you're more into that.
6165301 He's a male.
Now I feel bad for Bard and Wildcard. They're bounty hunters who got fed some bs story and nearly fell for it
Echo has been a bad bad baaaaad bat. Team up time? Lets take on the mob. Pony style!
I don't get the reference.
"A Bard's Tale" video game?
Ah. Echo being an informant type fellow, wasn't a thing I had realized/thought of. I had just figured he was incompetent.
6165519
pleeeaaase?
Time to go after the real bad guys of this little Arc. This is going to be a blast for sure.
6166134
I actually agree. Probably could have worded that better than I did. Guess that's what I get for not getting much sleep these past few days.
What kind of place could be named that? Sounds like an Elder Scrolls dungeon.
Things are about to go all Robin Hood on us. I like it.
Now Rianbow is going to do as Rainbkw does and liberate the ponies from unjust rule.
Viva la Rainbow-lution!
6166778 I think Bard is just calling Theanim a blowhard for having such a long (and in Bards eyes, pompous) title.
At least that's my take on it.
MASH reference?
Looks like Rainbows coming up with another third option hm.
Yay! Even more new people to help us dive deeper into the rabbit hole!
To dig up dirt, sometimes you have to get dirty.
you
______________
6367306
Yes, but they're awesome. Well Prof. Mane is entertaining, and Echo's a good enough McGuffin. But Gary Sue the Griffon and Bard the Bomber are interesting enough that'll be at least worth 0.2 Roarkes.
And the rabbit hole opens.
Now i bet those mercs are now allies C: i waa hoping for it
Something doesn't quite add up here. Why would you pay a bounty of twenty-seven thousand bits for someone who owes you ten thousand?
There's a catch here.
Hmmmm...the heck has Echo done? Like, he's in real deep if someone wanted 30k just for his location.