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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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NEXT CHAPTER PLEASE!!
inb4 first fags
First!
Outstanding. I would love more character development but at the same time I'm itching to get to the HiE part of the story.
Well done, looking forward to more.
317939Glad you enjoyed it.
318126 Nope no cross over. The money system actually just came to mind when I started all the pre-writing stuff
318183
It's a very common currancy system and it works well. If anything this story reminds me more of a game called "Shadow Run". A science fiction magic and techno logic game. I will say its interesting so keep up the good work.
318244 lol my friends play that. thanks Ill try my best to keep it ineresting
images.tvrage.com/screencaps/27/5304/161150.jpg
Yeah.... this is the image i got when you explained the armor... the push up bra of battle men lol very nice
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Battle Ready Armor i swear
I have read back I think the machine at the end gave mile's soul a concience which allows the soul to make him over powered
Should be riding.
that should be a "dual drums"
Well…
That escalated quickly
I... have no idea what's happening in this story.
A fucking sixteen year time skip GEEZUS!
'BOUT FREAKIN TIME HE GOES TO EQUESTRIA! also, the death made me really sad
Shit better start makin sense cuz I can't stands it anymore! It's so full of mysteriously cryptic goodness!
O_O WHAT THE FUCK, A FREAKING 16 YEAR TIME JUMP NOOOOOOOOOOOO so much was unexplained D:
Y'know, a part of me is saying, "Screw the ponies! I want to know more about this world you've built!"
But the other half is telling the first to shut the hell up, and wants to see how this guy will cope in Equestria. Especially since most, if not all, of his friends are expies of the Mane 6.
this Chapter was a blast man lol but the death of a friend made me cry a little over all Love the story so far
I'm gonna man up and admit that today, fucking waterfalls were cried.
Ha ha ha ha... "Doctor Qui!" Haha
Okay... that was frigging epic. World of Warcraft meets Call of Duty.
that was sexy, i totally came
The time skip just killed it for me. So much that could have been told was skipped.
I thought Dolum was a non military student ala white uniform
What did Miles do to upset Tenera?
Okay, firstly, I know this chapter is old as dirt, second, I know it's fiction, and third, I know it's just a story.
Now, firstly, I noticed quite a few inconsistencies in the story.
Okay, what's a .45 magnum round? Are you referring to .44 magnum? Is it .45 long colt? Also, what are the rounds on? Are they just sitting there? Are they on moon clips, or speed loaders?
First, it's "magazines", not clips. An M16A4, or an AKM takes magazines, a Mosin Nagant, a SKS, or a Mauser 98k, takes what are called "clips", because the rounds of ammunition are put into them, and when you go to reload your rifle, you take one out,fit the clip into a specific slot, push down the rounds into the internal box magazine, and you chamber the next round. An M16A4, or an AKM have magazines, metal boxes, filled with rounds of ammunition, you simply insert them into the gun, chamber a round if you expelled your last round, and keep shooting.
Second, Full metal jacket variant? FMJ is a type of ammunition. It is the Geneva, and Hague convention standard, that all soldiers use FMJ rounds, because many of the rounds that were used before, like dummy rounds, made it impossible for doctors to treat those kind of wounds, because of their wounding profiles. And since they weren't effective in immediately killing the soldier, they were banned, and thus, FMJ became the standard, because they were effective, whilst still creating wounds that were treatable. If you are trying to say that the MK4AR uses regular ammunition, just say that, don't say that they can only use one specific kind of ammunition, because, well, it sounds moronic, misinformed, uneducated, and just plain wrong.
Third, I think you should have elaborated upon what you meant by it's ability to hit multiple targets. Are you saying that the bullet can pass through multiple people? It quite honestly, doesn't make sense.
Fourth and final, and even though I know I will probably get my answer latter on, but is this little rag tag of a group, supposed to be special forces, or are they just regular infantry? Because while this is a fictional setting, every military organization works on standardization first, and specialization second. What I mean by this is, why does one guy have a revolver, another with a mini gun, another with an SMG, another with a Carbine, and seemingly everybody has different alliterations of the standard issue patterned rifle. In military fire teams, everybody tries to carry the same kind of gun, guns that use the same magazines, or guns that use the same caliber of ammunition, because if everybody is using the gun they brought from home, it primarily becomes a logistics nightmare for the armory master, and for everybody else, as they have to get training on all the other general use weapons platforms, in case they have to fill in for someone else. And while i'm on the subject, why would there be carbine patterned arcane rifles? Carbines are to be carried by vehicle operators, due to space constraints. Also, why would there be a arcane carbine in the first place? Do the guns fire magic, in the form of projectiles, that create their own propellants? Because if they don't, there is no reason to have a long as hell barrel on a gun, because longer barrels on guns, exist because they give the bullet more time to travel, thus giving it more of a twist in the air, more velocity, and thus, more umph and accuracy. If magic, and the rifles don't work on the same principle, then why do they exist in the first place, and why isn't everybody carrying rifles with 1 inch barrels?
Now I'm not trying to insult you, or call you stupid, or anything of the sort, believe me, that's not my intention, but when you're doing a story with the military being a big, core, element, you really have to be careful, because you can do something completely wrong, like the things mentioned a fore.
one more chapter like that and im going to end up likening and faving this story
4030726
tumut
You know..... if you ever do finish this story, do you think you could do an in-universe side story, like chapters 1-6? With no copyrighted characters? Because, with the universe you've created, that would be both more than possible and incredibly interesting.
i would be perfectly okay if this story never had ponies in it at all
No dolum nooooo!
i sorta cried
That's a weird name but a name's a name
That sucks. Dolum's wife is going to be a widow now.
4030726 vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/dragonball/images/6/62/No_one_cares.jpg/revision/20121214230607
Holy shit, that is a fuck-huge leap!
4030726 Stop. Your. Bitching.
What the hell!! Why am I crying!!!
318244
Also dragon age origin
5883828 I agree, I wanted to read some Magic 101 experiments blowing up!
I know this story is old as hell but the whole thing just fells kind of rushed so far and a little bit of a clusterfuck.
I'm not trying to be a twat, but yeah.
6260752 As this specific chapter should. It's a war zone, it's supposed to be rush-y and clusterfucked.
lolwut
7563027 Ikr?
Second pic is broken.
Please tell me he has mastered his God tier powers.
I really like OP OC's
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Jeez! I feel like there should have been twice as many chapters as there were leading up to this, at LEAST.
I have know clue what going on!!!!!
again, I really can't tell who's who
oh shit, I really want to see what Captain looks like now and if he's still badass
so zombies?
nice death scene but I feel like it would be more impactful if we spent more time with Dolum
I really enjoyed the ending, the description was amazing and the death scene was well written. Besides from what I mentioned earlier about Dolum I would still hold onto my point that there needs to be more description of the environment around them. The pictures do help but I think I would enjoy it more if it was written down in text. I mean it not only makes the reader experience the chapter better but also adds word count.