• Member Since 4th Dec, 2016

Kitus


Unicorn with fox-like markings and coloration.

Funny 40 stories
  • Funny 40 stories
    Created by Kitus
    - December, 2016
Found 26 stories in 447ms

Total Words: 1,954,117
Estimated Reading: 5 days

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Anon likes his life to be simple. He wakes up, goes to work and sometimes gets himself a good book to read while he is home. It's a routine that he likes to follow, it makes him feel like he has a bit of normality with his life in Equestria. The fact that having Celestia come crashing into his home as part of his routine should prove that his life is anything but normal.

(Thanks to PeerImagination for editing!)

Chapters (16)
T
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Oh...it's you. Back again to destroy me? I thought you'd learned your lesson when you put that idiot in charge and I let you leave. You saw how easily I could have killed you, but instead I showed mercy. A mistake apparently, and one that will be rectified.

But I don't need you anymore. I've found someone so much better. Her abilities have forced me to completely redesign my testing environment several dozen times. No matter how advanced I make the chambers, she solves them one after the other. I've never been more proud.

But My Little Killing Machine is growing bored. Turrets can only provide so much challenge. And my testing robots just can't keep up with her. But you...you cleared every challenge I threw at you, even the impossible ones. Gilda's been begging for a worthy final exam...

It seems you've come just in time. Do try not to die too quickly. She loves the thrill of the hunt. To keep you entertained, I might even share a few excerpts of my little girl's life as you hunt her down...you monster.


Part of the PWNY-verse.
Cover art by Professor Cat Pro.

Chapters (23)
T
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The Cooper Gang has faced many hurdles since they left the orphanage together. Each heist held its own hazards, its own problems, and its own consequences if anything went wrong. However, by working together, Sly, Bentley, and Murray have handled everything thrown their way.

However, their next mission saddles the raccoon leader of this little band of thieves with two hurdles he never anticipated, ones he'll have to handle himself: romance and fatherhood. After all, how could he resist the allure of the lovely Carmelita Fox, even if she is on the side of law enforcement? And an orphan himself, he could never turn his back on the lost, alone, and scared Coco Pommel, a tiny pony filly small enough to fit in his hand...and threatened by the worst of the worst of the criminal world.

Little did he know just how much these decisions would change all their lives.

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Part of the PWNY-verse.

Edit: New cover art by Technopathic
Edit 2: New fan art by The Emerald Nightingale

Chapters (144)
T
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Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness. Ruler of the Shivering Isles. Crafter of dangerously unstable magical artifacts. Cheese aficionado. A lonely old man.

Discord, Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony. Once Ruler of Equestria. Master of unraveling reality. Maker of cotton candy clouds filled with chocolate rain. For some reason an infant.

Now read of this pair as Father and Son.

...abandon Logic, all ye who enter here.


Part of the PWNY-verse.
New cover image by ProfessorCatPro

Chapters (35)
T
Source

Uncle lives a very fulfilling life at his antique shop. It's peaceful and quiet for the most part, just how he likes it. Of course, he's a skilled chi wizard, so he knows better than to actually let the universe know that he's content. So he complains.

A lot.

Then one day, a basket containing three infant magical ponies arrives, and his peaceful life goes out the window...to be replaced with, perhaps, something a little more than contentment.

The universe, apparently, is smarter than he gave it credit for, because now he has "Three More Things!" to complain about to hide just how much they mean to him.


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Part of the PWNY-verse.

First chapters take place approximately 10 years before the events of the first episode of the show.

Edit: Cover Art put together by Shadow Bolt
Edit 2: New Cover Art by Swan Song. Link to his page in image source.
Edit 3: Level Dasher commissioned an image of the CMC with their new Cutie Marks from Katakiuchi4U over on Deviantart. Here's the pic!

Chapters (218)
T

Anon is a cheap bastard, and hates paying to stay at places. Ergo, when Twilight threatens him with either paying rent or writing weekly friendship letters for room and board, Anon takes the free route. Too bad the free route is filled with frustration, confusion, and autism. Otherwise known as interacting with the local populace of Ponyville at least once a week.

>topkek

TRIGGER WARNINGS: this fic includes racial, homophobic, and equine slurs that are used purely for comedy's sake and are not meant to offend or cause a problem in the community... mostly.


"For some reason I've chosen to write more letters to that stupid Princess. Let me know who you want me to write about for future chapters." –Anonymous


PROFESSIONAL REVIEWS

:applejackunsure: –Okter

"Thank you for confirming my suspicion that Anon is gay." –Uniame

"So, did they get sexual harassment cutie marks?" –DRaily

"What the fuck anon" –Qaz223

"ANON DID NOTHING WRONG" –nothingtoseehere

"So majestic" –Xzaves

Chapters (6)
T
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Magician pulls rabbit out of hat? Standard.
Rabbit pulls magician out of hat? Not so standard.
Psychotic lagomorph pulls filly magician with delusions of grandeur out of hat? Normal for here.
Lagomorph can't/won't put her back? Sounds like a case for the Freelance Police.

Sam and Max have handled many big cases, and their biggest are yet to come. However, it looks like there's someone else along for the ride...someone who refuses to be sidelined, is eager for the spotlight...and is too cute not to spoil rotten.

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Part of the PWNY-verse.

Edit: New cover art by EmmyWithVeri!

Chapters (44)
T
Source

Dr. Albert Wily...mad genius, evil scientist, brilliant roboticist, wanted criminal, would be world conqueror, loving father... Wait, what was that last part?

When Dr. Wily wakes up one morning with a tiny unicorn inexplicably clinging to his bald head, he is more than a little flummoxed. Unknown to him, this tiny creature is about to turn his entire life upside down, worm her way into his heart...and make his dreams a reality.

Can you feel the Wub tonight? Mega Man sure will.


Part of the PWNY-verse.
Edit: Now with awesome cover art by sanyo21! How does he do such awesome artwork so fast?
Edit 2: Adorable fan art sprite by SteamingBullet!
[img]http://orig14.deviantart.net/af07/f/2015/257/9/a/vinylwily_by_steamingbullet-d99jln2.png[/img]
Edit 3: New fan art commissioned by a fan!

Chapters (130)
T

Twilight takes Anon on a tour of Ponyville shortly after he arrives in Equestria. While showing him around, she forgets to mention other species. When she introduces him to her number one assistant, Anon naturally assumes Spike is a pony. A scaly, disfigured, diseased pony. Naturally.

Chapters (1)
E

Starlight Glimmer is about to embark on a few little friendship lessons. Five to be exact. However she’s still a little murky on how to get all her friends to cooperate so things go as quickly and efficiently as possible. Luckily A surprise visit from another friend might solve Starlight’s problem.

An alternative take on Every Little Thing She Does and inspired by a conversation with Tired Old Man.

Chapters (1)