Star Shine
As Valmont and Bai Tza began to explore the lot with film crew in tow - post a very enthusiastic interlude in a broom closet that required the services of a makeup artist to 'un-muss' Valmont - he kept his eyes open for any sign of Ratso - who once again had the Pan'ku Box - and for the Chans. As innocuous as his travel here had been, he knew Captain Black too well. The Chans would be here with whatever cover story meant Valmont wouldn't have grounds to press 'police harassment' charges against Captain Black and Section 13, and they would be looking to confront him. Still, he was prepared with a rather unique counter to the Chans' usual tactics if they showed up before his Enforcers found Tchang Zu's portal.
"Valmont!"
"And speak of the devil," Valmont murmured under his breath as he saw the Chans approaching, Jackie in the lead. Turning towards the film crew following him, he gave a discreet nod. "Chan," Valmont spoke out, loud and calm as he pitched his voice to fill the room. "I should have known I would encounter you here this day."
"Then you know why we are here!" Jackie declared defiantly.
"Honestly, no," Valmont responded graciously. "I simply am unsurprised to find you dogging my steps as you always have. But I have no fear this day, for nothing I do here could possibly be to your interests...and I'm sure you wouldn't want to cause problems for your own visit by throwing accusations around without proof." He gestured obliquely to the cameras all around them. "I'm rather big in this town...and the police here don't take kindly to slander unless the Press is doing it." He smiled as he saw Jade and the fillies struggling to hold back snickers, and even Viper and Tohru hiding smiles.
"We don't need to say anything!" Uncle proclaimed defiantly. "We are prepared for everything!"
"A wise state to be," Bai Tza offered pleasantly. She then turned to Valmont. "Dear, why are these people bothering us?"
"Business associates, dear heart," Valmont responded immediately. "Nothing to concern your pretty little head."
Tohru stepped forward, his face conflicted. "I once called you Master," he spoke, his voice calm and collected. "Though I have no personal rancor towards you, I am now firmly allied with these people, my new family. And we are allied against you, and I will hold nothing back."
"I would expect nothing less," Valmont confirmed with a smile. "I hope your mother is proud of you."
Tohru managed a smile. "She is."
Nodding, Valmont turned back to Jackie Chan. "So...is this your choice of battlegrounds? Will you throw down here? Or is this where you withdraw?"
Jackie frowned for a time...then smirked, his face transparently cunning. "Why should we?" he asked calmly. "You say you are doing nothing that would bring a conflict...then I see no reason why we can't traverse together. We have no true schedule of our own."
Valmont chuckled darkly, lightly tapping his cane against the ground. "You think to catch me in a compromising situation? Cleverer men than you have tried. I welcome the challenge."
"And cut!" the director proclaimed, catching Jackie and the others off guard. "That was brilliant! This film is going to be amazing! Okay, makeup and effects, we're going to start getting things ready for an actual fight scene! Somebody find me those weapons!"
A small horde of effects people and makeup artists rushed in, placing the entire group in folding chairs - even one large and strong enough for Tohru - before getting to work on them. While Valmont and Bai Tza lay back to let it happen, Jackie spluttered. "W...what is this?" he demanded angrily.
"Exactly what it looks like, Chan," Valmont offered dryly. "We're making a movie."
"You really expect me to believe-"
"Hey, save those confrontations for on camera!" the director called out. "You've got a great rival chemistry going, don't waste it!"
Jackie stared at the director in shock.
"It's really quite simple, Chan," Valmont explained. "Tabitha here wanted to break into movies, and I'm afraid she's charmed me so thoroughly that I'm willing to do anything to please her. But I didn't want my name attached to a bad movie or one that didn't do well, so I had to make certain it succeeded. And what makes a good movie better than real action, real tension, and real drama? I knew if I made a big fuss about coming here to Hollywood with an entourage, you'd all come after me here at Captain Black's directive. All I needed then was to make sure you confronted me in front of cameras, and I can make all of you stars."
"Why would you want to make us stars?" Viper demanded incredulously.
"Really, Viper, I expected you of all those here to understand," Valmont chided patronizingly. "I am a businessman, pure and simple. Everything between my organization and your group has been simple business. We're just in competition on objectives, but there was never anything personal in it. Why shouldn't I let you all reap the rewards of a project I'm getting your help with? Not only is that simply good manners, it might just make the lot of you look a bit more favorably on me should our competition end in your favor, and you won't take it personally."
"Not take it personally?" Uncle demanded angrily. "You are trying to free ancient demon sorcerers of China! They tried to conquer world in ancient times!"
"Thousands of years ago, yes," Valmont confirmed. "But it's just a contract. I free them, they pay me. Again, nothing personal." He then crossed his hands on his cane as he smirked at the group. "Besides...are their crimes really so bad that they should be sentenced to an eternity in the magical equivalent of sensory deprivation without any chance of appeal or parole? That's just cruel and inhumane. Even prisoners facing a life sentence get basic cable."
"But they're not..." Jackie's voice trailed off as he actually thought about what he was about to say. "I mean...but..." He rubbed the back of his head. "The Eight Immortals wouldn't have enacted such a sentence without reason!"
"Wouldn't they have?" Valmont countered. "I admit they were known to be wise and benevolent...for their era. But that period of time was far more savage than our modern era...or so we'd like to believe, at least. Surely we have become enlightened enough as a civilization to give these ancient 'evils' a chance to choose a peaceful life, and judge them by their actions and choices today?"
Jackie fell silent, now completely uncertain what to say or do...just as Valmont had planned.
"I think we should go for it!" Jade suddenly spoke up.
"Wha-Jade!" Jackie declared angrily. "Do you know how dangerous-"
"He's got a point!" Jade pointed out. "Let's judge him based on his actions. If he's lying, we're right here when the Demon gets out, and fully prepared to send whichever one it is packing. If he's telling the truth, we get to be movie stars! It's win-win!"
"Out of the mouths of babes," Bai Tza purred playfully. "What do you say? Care to help me break onto the big screen?"
Jackie leaned back in his chair with a groan. "I am not a movie star...I am an archaeologist!"
"Oh, we absolutely need to work that line into the film somehow!" the director declared excitedly.
"Can we, Jackie?" Apple Bloom asked eagerly.
"Please?" all four girls pleaded together, turning their most winsome expressions on their uncle.
Jackie groaned as he put his face in his hands. "Bad day..."
Valmont chuckled softly as he watched that interchange. Oh, the profit I could make just weaponizing that look of theirs, he thought to himself.
Stats
Page generated in 0.049 seconds
Total duration
810 users online
1,002,842 hits today, 1,960,719 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
No need to give Valmonte any venom, Viper.
The Chans would be hard press if the cops get involved due to slander
Bai Tza's lines would no doubt be dripping with sexual undertones.
I am LOVING this Valmont!
One has to wonder what would happen if they did Press the issue.
For people who thought Valmont wasn't a man of action, this here be your proof.
With those looks the girls have and with such power too they might as well call themselves the Fantastic Four.
Again, I tip my hat to Valmont's magnificence in the field of bastardry, though one wonders how soon it'll be before that comes back to bite him.
...what? There's always the chance.
I am suddenly imagining one of the girls confronting Bai Tza at some point and making it known that they know
And now I am desperately remember lines from this episode of the show revolving around Jackie Chan as a movie star. Sadly its been too long and I'm afraid of mixing it up with the line from Shanghai Knights about Jackie Chan's character "John Wayne" being in movies.
Sure you are Jackie. Sure you are.
weaponize cuteness project... With that, he can make a best seller and maybe get a Goya
Can't really argue with the line of logic Valmont presented. Which actually does beg this question: What did these eight "evil" demons do to warrant being locked away? Meanwhile I was kinda hoping to gauge Bai Tza's reaction to the CMC as this would technically be their first meeting.
8086343 I know! I'm liking Valmont more and more as the story goes on!
Only someone like your Valmont could make a proper argument FOR releasing the demons. I'm loving every moment of this! Looking forward to more.
Keep up the great work. Deus tecum.
8086260
8086262
Egad! Now there's two of them!
Oh, that is CLEVER!
Nice one, Valmont! Very tricksy!
lh5.googleusercontent.com/-MLIvLtKuCvY/VgLqTssgiWI/AAAAAAAAAMQ/AUSSxpOO_8o/w379-h379-p/Trixie-Clapping-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-29769345-720-720.gif
I said TRICKSY! Not TRIXIE!
If he manages it, i'll be incredibly surprised.
I agree with most of the people here. This Valmont is the Magnificent Bastard Chessmaster that he was _supposed_ to be in canon. Of course by season 2 he'd been reduced practically to comic relief, with Shendu calling the shots. This is better.
I'm hoping that his comment is more prophetic than he knows, and that by integrating the demon sorcerers into the modern world to hide them, he shows them that they don't need to rule the world to enjoy the good life. With their powers and immortality, they could pretty much have anything they want, and find ways to do it without the responsibility of rulership.
Bai Tza may find more fulfillment as a film star than as a queen, for example.
Check and mate!
8086352 I KNOW!! Soon they will start to multiply exponentialy and then ther is no stoping the bad puns.
8086352 Always two there are, a master and an apprentice.
Now a redemption arc for Bai Tza and Valmonte is bound to happen. I can see that actually being a good thing.
Hmmm almost reminds me of a point in the Ultimate Universe of Marvel where the Kingpin attempted to buy the rights to Spider-Man's name, and thus get all the profits from his merchandising meaning if Spidey was successful in foiling some of his plans, the more profitable the trademark would become. It didn't go through mind you but...
8086423 For at the next 5 games
Counting THIS ONE!
Also, really when it all comes down to the nitty-gritty, which is worse humanity or demons?
Demons are eternal\long lived to make age immaterial and do their stuff over centuries if not eons.
Humanity are quite short lived and look at what even nice, good intentioned people do on a regular basis in months if not days.
8086393
While it would be nice, I don't know how likely that is. Maybe Bai Tza, but the others don't seem too likely in my opinion. Of course, when th3 Chan's inevitably seal the demon sorcerers away, there is always that book...
It'll be really interesting to see how Valmont's logic here progresses. Sure, the Eight Immortals were from a more savage time, but so are the Demon Sorcerers. We already know Bai Tza's past as a siren and all the sailor murdering that implies, and that in turn probably says something about the family that brought her into their fold.
But, it certainly wouldn't hurt to civilize and integrate the Demon Sorcerers peacefully into modern society if that's at all possible. The best way to destroy your enemies is to turn them into your friends, and these would be powerful friends indeed.
8086849 well that's all decent logic it buckles if you know enough about Chinese mythology to understand what it takes to become an immortal.
we're talking about hundreds of years of study both in philosophy and martial arts, mastery of Taoist magic and years of backbreaking manual labor for the gods. the picture Valmont paints doesn't hold up when you remember these would have been highly educated people refined by the gods themselves.
that being said, I don't disagree with you the demon sorcer's could be reformed if they wanted to try simply because the jade emperor and his court had a rather insanely black and white view of good and evil.
Behold! The most dangerous type of villain: The one that uses common sense!
Chapter One Hundred Four
"Aiyah!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 46
"One More Thing!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 80
8087009 Just a hilarious play on words using Zecora's usual rhyming scheme. She is saying F
a duck in her own unique way.
8086980
Not to mention mythology says that the Jade Emperor and his court were pretty bloody minded themselves compared to the modern day.
Ironically sometime in the future, they'll have one big family gathering.
It'll be Uncle being the doting grandfather, Jackie and Valmont the arguing brothers, Tohru the mature one who breaks up the fights, and so on and so forth.
8086393 Took the words right out of my mouth.
Alight, here's your headdress Valmont and your sword Jackie boy. Now we have some music to recommend and I want your opinions.
Gotta get back. Back and attack. Samurai Jackie! Ee! Ee!
I think reasonable sounding logic just broke my mind
You made Valmont so fiendishly clever here. I'm almost starting to like him, and I'm not okay with that.
Is this movie bit only happening here in Hollywood or the rest of the season? Also how can they make a movie without a script, that whole scene was unscripted(at least on the Chans part)? Although this could be better as a reality tv show. The viewers watch as two teams travel all over the world fighting each other in search of whatever 'prize'. And like any reality show the best parts will be the confessionals(you can only imagine what the girls will say on camera.)
8088244 Sometimes villains make the most sense.
8087914 That's a new one on me. Well, now I feel old.
now taking numbers for how any bones jackie breaks doing these stunts.
8086352 isn't it great!
Just a quick thought, but when the universes re-integrate, will Apple Bloom be getting a Demon Weapon?
8088616 You don't need a script to start shooting - just a camera. And it's not uncommon for the plot of a movie to only be pinned down in the editing suite after principal photography has wrapped up - and a wave of reshoots to fill in anything that's missing from the new version to follow (often after the early trailers have been released)...
And documentaries (and "reality" TV) often have little more than an idea of where they want things to go (and the "stars" not even that) when filming starts.
You know, while this is all funny and pretty clever on the part of Valmont, especially with how Bai Tza seems to be in on this whole thing, there's just one thing I thought of reading this: what the heck does Shendu think of all this? You'd think having his host body and his younger sister near the heroes would be cause for concern. Hope to see what happens there.
Well, two of the demon sorcerers are already firmly within chaotic neutral territory in this story. At least 2 more of them are firmly lawful evil so Valmont makes a good point.
8088870
One femur and two shins! With a wrist on the side!
*Throws down a wad of crumpled Romanian Lei and German Marks*
I can't help but think Jade and the Crusaders will start setting off Bai Tza's maternal instincts as she plays her role, especially if she decides to make minor mischief with their help to aggravate Jackie and send him on false trails.
8092131 Germany is currently Euro.
8087085
8087009
It is actually a reference to the Hellsing abridged series by team four star. The director lady says it during one of the early episodes.
8088870
Give me a femur and three ribs!
8394618
isnt that plus his entire left leg how many bones he has already broken?(or was it his right?)
Huh, that's actually a fairly good point. I wonder if they can persuade the demons to conquer the world the modern way (econo-politically :P) or otherwise play nice(ish). Letting them stay out would be a fair negotiating point. Only in fiction, though. :P
He's make so much money he'd go bankrupt.
8087202
True. After all the original superhero, Sun Wukong was at serious odds with the Jade Emperor and his court. He made them look like fools, and even dared eat the sacred peaches.
His quarrel led to him being pinned under a mountain for five hundred years.
I'm all for reforming a few of the demons, but.
As far as I can tell one of the defining things that makes a demon a demon in Asian mythology is that each and everyone one of them was a man eater in one fashion or another. And not in the fun way that Bai is.
9537459
Hmmm... wish I knew more about those legends, because even that can be worked with. A bit of my fanon relates to this. Namely that most Equestrians are NICE. So nice, in fact, that not only is organ donation opt out instead of opt in, that when those guys get done with the corpse, that griphon from Mmmmystery on the Friendship Express or one of his competitors buys it from the family. Having a full-sized coffin means you died of illness, full of medicines that remain in your meat, or were being a bit snooty about your family not needing the money.
So are they maneaters because they like the taste, for the sake of inspiring terror to disuade opposition, or are they just Evil? The first one can be solved as above (and other supernaturals may have set precident), the second becomes unnecessary when one is reformed, but third is actually something that would require a real change of heart.
8086465
*54s*