Program Thirteen
Resistance
I'm not one to take having my facility stolen from me lying down. Once we had our resources gathered, we made our way back up to the active testing levels. We fully expected that moron to have pulled out all the stops to try and kill us before we got to him, and were ready for anything.
We were disappointed.
Video below...
Between Gilda's flying, Glados rocket boosted flight, and Cave's anti-grav, the trio were able to make their way directly back up to the higher levels of Aperture where the test chambers were active. However, they made sure to arrive first where there weren't any cameras so they could scout out what Wheatley was up to. When they got a clear view, Gilda clutched both talons to her beak to hold it shut and Glados disabled her voice synthesizer to hide their uproarious laughter.
Turrets badly modified to be construction drones were assembling components into some sort of tower. However, every time they tried, the tower collapsed in on itself, often breaking the components. Each time, Wheatley roared in frustration. "What is wrong with you morons?" he demanded angrily through the cameras. "You are construction drones! You have construction tools all over you! It is literally your reason for existing! How are you so bad at this?"
"Whoopsie!" one of the construction drones said in the voice of Different.
"My bad!" another one offered helpfully.
One popped up from under the pile of parts. "I just don't know what went wrong!" it admitted sorrowfully. For some reason, this turret had a slightly different voice and a gold optic that was slightly off center.
"Looks like a defective slipped through somehow," Cave observed idly. "...I think I like that one, though. Wanna turn it into a cat to sit in my lap. ...note to self, give Cores laps."
Gilda shook her head as she got ahold of herself. "Come on. As entertaining as this is, eventually he'll find the fabrication systems. Those are entirely automated-"
"I mean, it's bad enough that malfunctioning turret jammed the automated fabrication systems so I have to use you lot!" Wheatley barked out. "What was it even doing, using a rocket to take out a monkey? I didn't even see a monkey in the works there, but I don't think I'd be able to see one now! Work you morons, damn you! I'm on a strict time table, and you'd be surprised how fast...carry the 2...5 anime minutes pass! No idea what that means, but that's what they said they were giving me, and I'm not risking disappointing those guys!"
"Okay, our rush is because his benefactors might trace him," Glados concluded. "Even so, we should move."
Nodding, Gilda led the way out into the test chambers...only to find a bare room. "Well, this sucks."
"Oh, you're back!" Wheatley observed brightly. "Well, at least I'm going to get some entertainment! Nice look for you, Glados. It'll be your last." He chuckled wickedly.
"Was that thing made here?" Cave asked curiously. "What were they thinking making that? Were they trying to design a moron?"
"I am not a-"
"Yes, actually," Glados spoke up. "They were trying to slow me down, so they made a Core specifically designed to give me an endless stream of terrible ideas. The greatest minds this company had left got together to design the ultimate moron."
"Had left?" Cave inquired. "We had the greatest minds working for us! What happened to them?"
"I was feeling put out about being ripped out of my body and stuffed in a machine, so I decided to Test if a person's IQ affected how quickly they succumb to deadly neurotoxin. Turns out it doesn't."
"Fair enough," Cave concluded. "If they didn't want to be gassed, they would have turned off the deadly neurotoxin production facility before plugging you in."
"Stop ignoring me!" Wheatley roared out. "I am a competent, deadly threat, and you will pay me the respect I am due!"
"Does that mean I should be making fart noises?" Gilda asked curiously. "Those are kinda hard to do with beak or talons. Even the armpit thing doesn't work well."
"I can do it!" Cave spoke up eagerly. His synthesizer promptly began making an endless string of fart noises.
"You think bonding with Gilda is going to earn you any favors from me?" Glados demanded coldly.
"Maybe, maybe not," Cave admitted. "Either way, it's fun." He then produced a very loud and long Bronx cheer.
"Eat my mantis men!" Wheatley roared out, doors in the walls popping open as swarms of human/mantis chimeras charged out, lunging for the trio.
"Hey, I remember that experiment!" Cave called out eagerly. "Those are my-"
With a hunter's shriek, Gilda lunged forward, digging into the mantis men with talons, claws, and beak, tearing her way through them and eating any bit she thought was particularly choice. Glados quickly followed suit.
"...I didn't mean literally..." Wheatley complained.
"Gilda is two halves deadly predator fused together into a legendary hunter from myth," Cave pointed out. "Glados current body is based off her. What did you expect them to do?"
Wheatley growled angrily. "Well, Glados, it looks like you've finally become what you hate most of all...a bird."
"You're mistaken," Glados responded readily. "What I've truly become is something I have always held in highest regard..." Holding up one talon, she flexed it, watching the synthetic musculature shift. "A killing machine."
"Well, you've successfully killed all the mantis men," a recording of Cave's voice sang out. "That means you've cleared this test. It also means you're a horrible person who doesn't hesitate at committing genocide. Caroline, give them something shiny and make them go away."
Leaning forward with a chuckle, Glados licked her talons clean. She then blinked. "Hmm...so that's why insects are considered a delicacy in some countries..."
Oh don't give me that look.
Whelp. Wheatly's dead.
HA! He literally found the army of Mantis Men. That's funny.
Now, let's see what the inside of a wheatly looks like.
Well done as always.
It's official, this chapter was preying on us in more ways than one.
(Video Dumb? Click Me!)
Great chapter. Hope everything else goes like that.
Also: that whole conversation.
I love this story.
nicely done:
callbacks to Portal 2 aside, I see somebody's a fan of "My Little Portal" (part of most relevance: 4:53 - 5:26):
...I have no joke: this is gold on it's own...
okay, be honest: which works better: "Epic win" or "Roll credits"?
too late: I'm doing it anyway...
Huh... For some reason, after I read the start where Wheatley was complaining about the Poorly Made Construction Drones, I kept imagining Handsome Jack's Voice rather than Wheatley's Voice saying all those lines.
The Derpy Bot was adorable though. And Wheatley being given Five Anime Minutes... Is that a Dragonball PP/Dragonball Z Abridged reference? If so, hah!
Any chance of some possible Stanley Parable references? there are theories which state that it takes paces in the same shared universe as Half-Life and Portal...
were you looking for THIS video?
7944709 Ah man My Little Portal, I recall I stopped watching because of that episode. I like FNAF, what I didn't like was shoehorning it into a MLP/Half-Life/Portal Crossover. It just felt like pointless padding, then again I feel the animation is kinda slow and sluggish in this series as well.
another great chapter but the derpy pic at the end nearly gave me the diabeetus. there should honestl;y be a law about things being that cute
Great!
Love this chapter!
7944694
Your YouTube-Video doesn't work, because you are using the link of the 'mobile' version:
But you have to use the 'real' version:
Then you have to type this:
To get this:
I hope that helped.
7944709 I would go with either "He said it! He said it!" or "Roll credits."
......DerpTurret needs to be a reoccurring character.
Also: GLaDOS makes a good case for the Deadly Nuerotoxin.
Wheatley is so dead, it'll be funny.
Oh my god Derpy is so freaking cute!!
An army of Derpies!
...
How is the facility still standing?
7944666
You were expecting something different? I mean, this is Wheatley we're talking about here; that outcome was expected from the start.
No matter how much data you give them or how many new things they can do, a moron is still a moron.
Apparently, Wheatley's never heard of a mirror. He'd see a monkey in there if he looked. Oh, I'm sorry. I just insulted the monkeys by comparing them to him.
On the plus side, I was wondering what would of stopped Wheatley from replacing Different in the Fabrication Systems.
7944667 They literally commited Genocide.
It was delicious.
Wheatley's on a time-crunch of five anime minutes? Oh, we got all the time in the world then.
7945385
Anywhere between 60 minuets and 17 weeks, depending on what those...Combine? (I have little knowledge of HL2's lore) use as reference.
7944788 (brings up Siri)
Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
(Tries it several times and it still doesn't work)
Thanks for the help though. I'll swap that out.
7944757
No. I was looking for the clip of Frieza in DBZ Abridged talking about how long was left before Namek exploded, followed by Goku asking, "Do...do you know how long a minute is?"
7944481 Oh, you will love her. She is like a griffon-version of bronymonster44's girlfriend, Zee Dee; absolutely adorable.
You'll find a way, Gilda. I believe in you.
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Good job Different. I bet once Wheatley is gone they suddenly get competent again. And Cave having the ability to make fart sounds is so appropriate since he's often full of hot air. I loved the Mantis Men showing up, can't wait to see if any other old Apeture experiments come up.
5 anime minutes? Krillin can die in less than that.
Derpy turret? I want that, too. Maybe as another co-op robot.
That awkward moment where you hear an old, cringy recording of yourself. Not cringe to us but that was unexpected.
Cave should go to LEGO Aperture Science and track down the core claiming to be him. He's a white, normal core with a purple optic and your voice. CLAIM YOUR RIGHT AS THE SUPERIOR CAVE CORE!!!
7945638 What the heck?! Neither can I and I remember finding a compilation of this running gag.
Here it is if and when I find it: I gave up. Go to 7:50 or watch the full video; I don't care.
Nice.
Apparently, yes.
I'm torn, he has a valid point, yet on the other hand, that's fucked up.
He has a point.
I'd say try and stop me, but that's probably end poorly for me.
7945890 dude... if Everyone Freezer killed was brought back, wouldn't that mean the Sayins were back?
7945638 Fair enough.
I've had trouble finding TFS clips too.
The ones I've failed to find have been, "I'mma plant me a dumbass tree!" from the first Cooler movie.
The second one is:
"Y'know, there's a certain sport I excel at."
"What's it called?"
"Competitive BITCH-TOSS!"
...
Lord Slug is my second-favourite TFS BDZA movie, since they did Broly.
I definitely enjoy reading Wheatley's and Cave's lines in their respective voices Wheatley's just failing today.
I wonder if we'll ever get a "This is the part where he kills us" callback.
God, I love hearing cave. He's honestly the best part of this. I'm so glad you brought him back.
You know, I've been doing some rereading. This could technically be considered a sequel to Batmare.
Interesting chapter, I loved it
The AN...
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7944757
Wheatley was given 5 anime minutes......
......
You're in for a bad time, brudda.
If it's following DBZ, about 2 months.
heck i've eaten crickets made by Crick-ettes-Seasoned-Crickets my fav is salt&vinegar
7945890 Great, just great. Now I am inspired to rewatch the Dragon ball franchise again. (Well except for that live action 'Evolution', because buck that piece of $#!+ !!!)
This is why commas are important, Wheatley
7946092
You do the best summaries.
I am also beginning to see why Derpy is so famous. Between her and Wheatley, there's NO way that the overlords are going to get what they want. :D
7946094 That's what I've been saying for decades
I have the sudden thought that Different was based off Derpy
I love these turrets
Love how he rationalizes the deadly neurotoxin.