So, I've been writing my fanfic for a few days and I've been wondering if I could get some feedback. For starters, the fanfic is set in a sort of alternate future of the current "Friendship is Magic" series, where a major incident (which will be elaborated in a future story) caused magic to not work anymore in Equestria. After a drastic boom in technological development, the world is in a new sister war, but now that the Elements cannot imprison Luna, the war wages on for years. For now, I have completed a small introduction to the current events for the story, and a little dialog between two of the members of the tank that the story center around. The story will be way bigger, and this is only a really primitive draft. So, is there anything (and I'm sure there is) that I need to improve? To make more precise? Are the characters so far so good? Awaiting the criticism as always! The story is here: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/256918/the-30th-tiger

P.S.: The names of all the ponies are still not decided, and ideas for their names would be nice too. The two undecided characters are the tank commander and driver.