I recently started redoing this story. So far I have the first 2 chapters done. Can someone read it and let me know how I did. It used to have colored dialogue but I got rid of it. This story has alot of negative feedback. I just hope I redid it enough for people to like it better

My first story did alot better than this one. And it has colored dialogue and a ton of errors. I'm not very good at writing and any help would be appreciated