So, it's come to that moment in the story which has been a thorn in my side for well over a year... how to write this meeting (a) naturally, and (b) without repeating to the reader everything they don't need to hear again.

The key is that I want to depict everyone's reactions to certain things, but I don't want to drone on for 4000 words depicting how a meeting of this nature would actually go. Because let's face it - an actual debriefing meeting is going to include a summary of pretty much every event of the mission. I can't shortcut it by narrating some BS like "Nyx told about xyz event" and just gloss over as if they covered it but we didn't get to see it. That's how I did it in my original draft, but now I look at that and facepalm pretty hard.

I think I've found a solution! The trick to avoiding retellings is with strategic use of scene breaks. I did this fairly effectively in chapter 8 toward the beginning, and I think I know how it might work here. What I'll do is have Luna make it clear from the start that they are pressed for time because their special guest doesn't want to stay long. So with time of the essence, that means our heroes can only give the most important details rather than a full debriefing.

After this brief meeting, Luna steps out with the guest while the others mingle and have some refreshments. During this time, Twilight tells Nyx that Storm Shadow wants to talk to her. Twilight leaves and Luna comes back in alone. She asks Nyx if she wouldn't mind giving a full report. They leave the room together. Rumble goes with her, but Flitter says she needs to take care of something first and stays behind. Then we have a scene break switching to Flitter's perspective.

Flitter is left in the room alone with Fluttershy, who tries to sneak away, but Flitter confronts her. They talk about why Fluttershy is avoiding her and it comes out that she was aggressively fed upon by a changeling a few weeks prior to Flitter's visit three years ago. The two talk it through and restore their relationship. Flitter then catches up with Nyx, Rumble, and Luna (off camera) to help with the full debriefing.

Cut to Nyx meeting with Storm Shadow. Rumble and Flitter have gone home without her. Nyx and Storm talk about a variety of alicorn related topics and then calibrate his memory extraction equipment before Nyx goes home.

So the key difference here is that the debriefing meeting is short. No longer is it a rehashing of the full adventure up until this point. When Luna asks to speak with Nyx alone, that's when the full report is given, but the reader doesn't have to see it, so it happens off camera.

This is a good lesson because sometimes a problem can't be solved simply by improving the prose. Sometimes, it requires a significant restructuring of a scene to make it work.

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That looks pretty solid, certainly avoids unnecessary repetition so we can focus on the juicy stuff.

Post-briefing it might be worth having Luna ask Nyx some probing questions regarding her feelings once she's been informed of everything that's happened. She'll want to gauge Nyxs' mental state to see if any changes are beginning to take root within her (though it depends on how long the process takes of course). She may of course, say nothing, relying on her instincts to judge how events in the bayou have affected her,

Good thing is that you don't need to show the briefing, only Lunas reaction.

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Which would require an extra scene. I'll have to consider this one. It's definitely a good thing to consider because the story is about Nyx's progress down this path, so keeping tabs on it regularly would be a good idea.

I was revisiting this chapter again today, and I have to say that the debriefing meeting itself still bothers me. It just feels really stilted. Doesn't flow well.

I think this is because it doesn't advance the plot much. It's necessary, but it's mostly still a summary with a few bits of backstory filled in.

Here's my new idea. Not right now, but I'd like to rewrite most of the debriefing meeting to be more organized. Rather than just dumping fact points out to the reader, I want the dialogue to really flow. But for this to happen, the section needs to have a unified theme. Initially, I'd like that theme to be "the problem of Everfree". There's already a lot of dialogue about this to work with. Really, though, it needs to draw the reader into a sense of mystery. Why are there new problems related to Everfree monsters? What is going on?

Fluttershy should throw out the foreshadowing clues regarding how creatures move if they are displaced. Nobody should come to a conclusion at this point, but the reader should be intrigued at the possibility that something is driving the standard Everfree monsters out of the forest, which is having a ripple effect as they spread into greater Equestria.

Then toward the end of Act Two, the heroes are going to be pushing in to discover the root of the problem. There will be an assortment of new and much more dangerous monsters taking up residence. These new monsters are predatory even to the old monsters, creating a much more dangerous forest. There are no plans to "fix" the forest in this story, since Fo:E Everfree is clearly quite deadly, and has been since the zebra war.

Once all the talk of Everfree is finished, they can move on to the other topics. It's fairly well laid out already... it just needs some rewriting for flow.