As we look in on hell today, we see a big building. The building has lettering on it, which says 'Real Estate Deals in Hell', and five gold stars on it. On the top floor, we see two figures. One is dressed in a black business suit and a fedora. The other, in a black trenchcoat.

"So, you want a dorm in the east wing, yes?" The guy in the suit asks.

"Yes. It overlooks the eternal lava lake. It's quite a nice sight." The one in the trenchcoat replies.

"Sorry, but they're all booked."

"Fuck!"

"Now now, don't get all hot and bothered. I could easily rearrange it... for a price." The guy in the trenchcoat ceased his tantrum almost immediately.

"We're talking what kind of price?"

"I've been on the Internet, and I've seen you bash in a few fanfictions. And I'd love to see you sin one again, but this time, I'd like to try it. Being lord of the Underworld is no easy task."

"Alright, sure." The guy in the trenchcoat agreed. "Please allow me to find one.

...

Ah! Here we are! My all time hated shipping! Let's do this!"

Now starring Satan!
(was totally not inspired by Rawg)

Pit then is confused about how he feels about his doppleganger, Dark Pit.

Isn't this Pitcest?
Yup. F*ck it.
I

Pit! The humans are under attack!" Palutena called through Pit's laural crown.

*pulls out a walkie talkie* Ahem. This just in. The humans are under attack again. Please send in the angel who can't even fly, even though I'm a goddess and could probably dispel the threat with a flick of my wrist.
II

Pit! It's a hoard of enemies! It may take a while. These look like intensity nine!"

What an asshole! Pit, just a thought, don't dump hearts into the fiends cauldron! You are supposed to save these people, not put them in even more danger just for that quality Phosphora bow!
III

Pit called, dodgeing enemy fire like crazy. "I'll contact viridi! She'll send out some help!" She replied.

Why not move the circle pad in circles? It worked in your game, what's to say it won't work here?
IV

Never forget that the author forgot to capitalize 'Viridi'. What was fanfiction.net's policy on grammar again?
Allow me to use my best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression for this line.
Ahem..
Spell check all story and poetry. There is no excuse for not performing this duty. If you do not have a word processor that has the spell checking feature, use a search engine such as Google.com to find one.
-fanfiction.net
Thank you.
V

"Viridi, would you please send out some of your troops to defend Pit. Perhaps Dark Pit wouldn't mind helping."

Something tells me that this author is a fan of SSB4.
VI

Perhaps Dark Pit wouldn't mind helping." Palutena said, trying to cope with her. She groaned. "Fine! But i am NOT doing this for those petty humans!" She said

No, you're not. The writer is forcing you.
VII

I'll send Dark Pit with the troops. He is good at commanding them. They aren't slaking now."

...

Is something the matter?

Does Viridi really control an army of Slaking?

No. The writer's just not checking their spelling...

AGAIN.
VIII

Just then, a black clad figure rushed past Pit. "Pittoo?" He said. "Don't call me Pittoo! Forces of Nature! Do your thing! You do NOT want to dissapoint me!" Dark Pit called, watching a heard of his troops rushing in.

Hmmm... I like this kid. I should offer him a spot on the north side.
Yeah, to be fair, they did capture Dark Pit's personality well...
Actually, no. I take that back. If this asshole is gonna get-
knocked up
F*ck you.
Hey, I could turn you away from that room I promised.
... My apologies. Anyways, as I was saying, if this asshole is gonna get together with Pit of all people, he's not in character, because he can't stand Pit.
You just don't understand, you h8er!
...
...

Who the f*ck are you?

PitXDark Pit yaoi is best ship! IT'S SO KAWAII DESU!! YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!

Shut it.
IX

Each one dissapearing into dust. The forces of nature hardly lost any allies. "Wow." Pit said dumbstruck. Pittoo smirked. "They are a lot tougher now thanks to Pittoo." Viridi said. You could hear the proudness in her voice.

Well there goes that five star quality Viridi Palm.
X

"Pit! Go down to the human village! Destroy the underworld army that rest there." Palutena commanded. Pit nodded and flew there, Dark pit following. "You'll need my help." Dark Pit said. Pit huffed. "I'm fine. I can do it on my own." He said. "Pit-stain, you need my help! These are over level nine enemies. You can't possibly defeat them on your own!" Dark Pit said.

Yeah, I've played Kid Icarus, yeah I know how Dark Pit goes if Pit does, but I'm sorry. I just can't picture Dark Pit being this nice!
Well, look here.
Why are you holding a clipboard?
It's my checklist of all Kid Icarus clichés. Look at this one.
Number fifty-three-thousand-four-hundred-ninety-one; 'Dark Pit is uncharacteristically nice'. Godammit!
XI

Yes I can! Watch me!" Pit said and flew faster, but so did pittoo.

Wow. So Dark Pit is so much of a knockoff he doesn't even deserve to have his name capitalized.
XII

"Here you stripper reject!" Pittoo called to the mimicutie.

Kinky.

Ha ha ha- no. Though to be fair, that is pretty original. I'll take a sin off.
XI

It looked mad and ran up to him

How does a chest with no eyes look mad?
XII

Pit looked at him. What is it about him that makes me...nervous? Pit thought to himself.

Oh. We entered his thoughts? Well, sh*t.
XIII

"oh no! Pittoo!" Pit called, rushing up to Pittoo. Just before the clubberskull could hit his doppleganger again, Pit rushed in front of him and nailed the clubberskull with his claws

... Did that feel a bit bland to you?
Oh yeah. Also it felt really rushed.
XIV

Soon, it dissapeared like the others. "Great job Pit! Now, go save the humans!" Pit heard Palutena say.

[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-YCN-a0NsNk]
Oh, sh*t! Sorry, wrong game!
XV

Hey! Wait a minute! You said nothing about helping those humans!" Viridi said sternly.

Bullsh*t, author. Let's face facts. You only just NOW remembered that Viridi was in this at all.
XVI

Dark Pit sat up after being hit. He looked astonished at what Pit had done. "Hmph. Good job...I guess."

Well at least Pit can now check 'being in a shitty fanfiction' off his bucket list.
YOU STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! THE PITXDARKPIT IS SO KAWAII AND DEEP!!!
Yeah. Deep. Whatever you say.
XVII

"And 'Stripper reject'? Seriously?" Pit said, grinning also.

Hey, that was easily the best part of this whole clusterfuck fanfiction.

Pit averted his eyes to Pittoo, eyeing him closely.

Allow me to get my monocle. Yes, thank you. I shall now do my best Batman impression. Ahem.
a·vert
əˈvərt/
verb
past tense: averted; past participle: averted
1.
turn away (one's eyes or thoughts).
Thusly, you cannot avert your eyes towards your target of aversion.
XVIII

Pit blushed greatly and looked away. "I-I don't know why." Pit replied. Pittoo scooted next to him. "What do you mean 'I don't know'?" He asked.

You don't know WHY you're looking at him. Come on, asshole. Be real.
XIX

Hey, everyone. It's Satan. I'd like to give you a little warning. Here it is.

WARNING: Confession of overused and selfcestual love ahead. If you don't want to see it, please skip this next quote bubble.

Pit's face got darker. "I'm just a little...confused. My thoughts keep going to you...and I keep thinking how stronger and mature you've gotten...I-I don't know." Pit replied. Dark Pit chuckled. He sat closer to him. Pit blushed. Dark Pit Put his black as night wing around him. "How does this make you feel?" He asked. "Uncomfortable." Pit answered.

Yeah, no sh*t it makes you uncomfortable. If I was forced to confess to a darker version of me FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, I'd probably still be uncomfortable as all f*ck.
You don't understand the beauty behind it! Pit and Kuro-
Please, kill yourself.
are light and dark! Opposites attract! THEY ARE PERFECT FOR EACHOTHER!!!
No. Just because Dark Pit is Pit's dark doppelgänger doesn't mean it's a good ship. It's overdone and stupid as f*ck.
XX

The last two paragraphs are full of bullsh*t selfcest. We don't include those.
XXI

Total Sin Talley: Twenty-One
Sentence: F*cking Itself!

Satan and femikol finished the "review".

"So, what'd you think?" femikol asked.

Satan thought about it for a few seconds. "I had a lot of fun. I might just have to do a few of these myself." He started to type on his laptop. "There we go. Room 754A is now yours. Head down that hallway, take a left, a right, and another left, and keep on going until you reach the hallway with windows overlooking the lake. The first room to the right is yours."

"Thanks a million!" femikol said, picking up his bag of random crap. "I'll be making a sin review in a few days. You wanna join me?" He asked. Satan chuckled.

"Sure. Why not?"

(This story and ending wasn't inspired by Rawg in any way, shape, or form.)
(... Okay, so maybe just a "little".

5571440 Rawg and Krosis vs femikol and Satan. Who will win? But by all means, bring him back!