Lemme start by saying that first two chapters are actually finished and ready to be read. Get it here:

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/247194/jokes-on-them

Password is: amora

Unfortunately, that's all there is to it and the rest is just an incoherent summary, with plot holes, lack of names for significant characters and plenty of handwaving that would've been solved if I put some time into it. Oh well, here goes:

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Even though the first two chapters are already finished and ready to be read, I will summarize the entire thing to avoid the confusion.

The story starts when Shining Armor and Soarin bump into some guy. He’s an imposing earth pony, brown coated stallion who clearly tries to pick up a fight, acts all aggressive over spilled groceries and just seems like slowly ticking bomb. And he says ‘bro’ a lot. An I mean, A LOT. On average twice per sentence, sometimes more. I was actually making a “Bro Count” in the author’s note. This would either grow on people, become a meme in itself, or be hated, but by gods I wouldn’t relent no matter how much people hated it. Anyway, the fight is broken off by a pegasus mare in glasses, claiming to be his wife, though it’s painfully obvious they’re not fond of each other like that and are bad actors. Shining and Soarin are left confused and decide to just let them go back to their hotel for their apparent honeymoon.

Next up we get a scene where a fantasy battle is being played, with a clan of pegasi soldiers are getting attacked by an evil lich… except it’s just stallion six playing a strategy board game together and it’s just them overacting. Did I mention I like board games? I really do. The one they’re playing is about six factions fighting each other, but in teams of three, good vs evil. We have:

-King Lich- by Prince Blueblood

-Warlord of Thunderia – by Thunderlane

-Great Sage of Galloping Freights – Doctor

-Chief of War Ogres- Big Macintosh

-Prime Ranger of the Lost Woods – Soarin

-Dread Knight – by Shining Armor

The stallions play the game, IN CHARACTER, for some time until a card called “Jailbreak” is played (which frees Thunderlanes general miniature, General Steel Hooves, which is the same name as the toy from Thunderlane’s story). At that point Shining Armor gasps and runs upstairs (they were playing in the Golden Oaks basement) to look through old newspapers, eventually finding a headline from few months ago. It’s about a jailbreak that happened in Canterlot, where a bunch of criminals used the Nightmare Moon’s kerfuffle as a distraction to bust their buddies from the prison. One of them was Bronze Hook, former heavyweight boxer, currently right hoof pony of the mob kingpin, Al Capony. Bronze Hook, or Bro, was the same exact one they bumped into not long ago (and a reason why Shining Armor was distracted all the game). The pegasus mare, they dubbed her “The Secretary” because that’s what she looked like, wasn’t on the list, though. Side note: I never thought of an actual name for her, that was something to be revealed later and I never got that far.

Shining Armor (and other 5 as chaperone) rushes out of the library and searches for the pair, but can’t find them anywhere in town. They figure that since Al Capony’s main trade is exotic drugs, the only place they can hide and continue their operations in is the Everfree Forest. Calling for guards from Canterlot would take too much time, so they go by themselves, though they have to spend a few minutes to convince Soarin, who doesn’t want step inside that place ever again (for good reasons). It’s not all bad, because unlike the last time:

-it’s broad daylight, as opposed to pitch black night

-Nightmare Moon is not on the loose, they are opposed to just ponies

-they’ve been to Everfree before and it’s not nearly as deadly as they thought (only kinda sorta)

-their friendship and teamwork is at its peak

Eventually, he relents, but hates this decision. End of chapter 1.

Seems like a lot, I know, but that’s what you get from establishing chapter. Start of chapter 2, they quickly catch up to the pair, as well as a third pony, a scrawny looking unicorn stallion in thick glasses. I dubbed him “The Scientist” for the sake of having a description, name also not thought of at the moment of writing it, so let’s keep it at that. The trio are arguing over stuff, calling each other names, but also namedropping Al Capony, confirming that they indeed are here on his orders. Shining Armor recklessly attempts to arrest them (even though he has no authority, the others reluctantly join him. The Scientist gives up and tosses them the thing they were here for… except not, because IT’S A BOMB! They manage to throw it away so nobody gets hurt, but the explosion causes a lot of confusion and a landslide, sending Big Macintosh into a pitfall, Blueblood just barely catching him with telekinesis. The criminals use this distraction to run away in different directions and the other four stallions give chase.

From here on, the story jumps back and forth between three places, but I’ll spare you the confusion and describe each one separately.

First, Shining Armor catches up to “Bro”, who is about to give up, except it was a trap and a large diamond dog jumps out of the ground and grabs him. I didn’t give him a name so let’s call him Chuck. Bro and Chuck (who were surprisingly friendly towards each other) were about to make a paste out of Shiny’s face, when Thunderlane RIDER KICKS Bro into a tree, even calling out his attack (THUNDER KICK!). Shining manages to slip out of the grapple and the battle starts.

What follows is a description of how Shiny was fighting Chuck using his barriers and hoof to hoof training against a really strong diamond dog (he was REALLY big), who could also “swim” underground. Thunderlane had a hard time landing any hits on a former heavyweight champion, but he kept standing up anytime he was knocked out and had to fly around to confuse and annoy the opponent. Eventually, the heroes do manage to get an upper hoof and force the two to escape and give chase.

Cut to Soarin, who easily caught up to The Secretary and tries to reason with her. He chased her strictly because she seemed like the least dangerous. Nope- she knows martial arts and HATES stallions! Soarin was entirely on defensive and felt every hit he was struck with, but as a survivor of Spitfire’s training from hell, he survived and managed to pin her on the ground, supposedly taking her out of the fight. And then she kicked him in the nuts. Very. Hard. Hearing that Blueblood and Big Mac were getting closer, she decided to escape as well.

Meanwhile, Doctor found The Scientist at some clearing with a bunch of crates. He didn’t get to examine what was inside, when the Scientist took out a hoof gun and Doctor was more busy with hiding behind trees. He did manage to get some information, it’s easy to get a pony who thinks he’s winning to talk. Doctor manages to dodge long enough that his opponent wastes all his bullets, then runs away. Before giving chase, Doctor takes one of the vials from the crate.

Aaaaaand this is where the chapters I already wrote end. Everything else comes straight out of my ass head, no rhyme or reason. You’ve been warned.

All the chasing parties end up arriving at the same place, which is an edge of a very high cliff. Through cartoon shenanigans, they somehow end up entangled together and falling to their deaths, Soarin and Thunderlane too dazed to fly away. Thanks to Shining Armor’s bubble spell they survive the fall, but there is no way to keep on the chase anymore. Disappointed, bruised and humiliated, the six stallions leave the field of light blue flowers and go home.

Oh yeah, you know where this is going.

The guards arrive just as they come back from the forest and they are chewed by the captain of the guards for endangering themselves, especially Shining Armor, who instead of ensuring the safety of his fellow friends, lead them into the danger and almost got them all killed, not to mention they alerted the criminals and wasted a perfect opportunity to catch them off guard. Since it was getting late and Everfree was dangerous at night, the Royal Guards were going to explore it first thing in the morning. The Stallion Six try to join the group as guides, but are rejected with an age old "you did enough, leave it to professionals". And on that depressing note, they went their separate ways, Shining Armor being especially down on himself, not wanting to speak for the rest of the day.

Next day, however, was beyond weird. Shiny woke up feeling weaker than usual, as if everything around was bigger and felt different in more ways than one. After falling off his bed (was it alwasy this high?), he looked at the mirror and a loud, squeeky, girly scream ensued. And I mean, really loud and really girly- he wasn't a stallion anymore! Now he was a little filly, a tiny genderbent version of himself! Without cutie mark! When he/she calmed down and stopped yelling, the door burst open and Blueblood rushed inside, worried... and scream ensued again, even louder than before! Blueblood screamed at the little filly that looked like his friend, while Shiny screamed at the monstrocity that resembled his friend!

I'll spare you the details and say it straight- this is poison joke's effect. Shining Armor, a proud big brother, turned into a little girl, the inverse of what he saw himself as. Blueblood, the most handsome bachelor in Equestria, is so ugly it cannot be described by words and can be only met with terrified screams. The rest of the group arrives soon and they are not immune to the effects:
-Thunderlane has pixie wings. Very brightly colored translucent pixie wings that still allow him to fly, but much slower and flimsier than before. But damn, they are so fabulous he has to keep them under a cloak.
-Big Macintosh... ok, I was torn on this. He was either goingto speak exclusively Prench, or say nothing at all. Either way, everyone admits its not as bad as others, but he begs to differ.
-Doctor becomes a completely different person, an older earth pony with grey mane and beard. He admits he hates this form and never wanted to go back to it (note to whoovians: yes, this is War Doctor).

Soarin didn't come immediately, so they go to his house to see if he's okay. Cloud Chaser and Flitter (confused about a little white filly and a paper bag on Blue's face) welcome them very distraught, saying that he won't come out of his room, won't eat anything and just sulks in his bed. They confront him by force and take off the bedsheets off of him, to find... nothing changed. At least nothing they can see immediately. After a longer conversation his friends, and hopefully the readers as well, figure out what's gone (spoiler: his dick). Needless to say they are speechless for quite a while.

After some explanation on the poison joke's nature (Doctor figured out what it is from the vial he found), the group is visibly pissed and wants revenge, but what can they do? They couldn't help in their prime, now they're severely handicapped and the goons were bound to have reinforcements. They go their separate ways for now.

There is a little bit where "Shiny Amora" meets up with CMC's, who don't recognize him/her and cheer him/her up a bit. Scootaloo even tries to recruit her for a scheme involving revenge against Shining Armor, something he heard for the first time and makes a mental note to investigate later. Once he's back home, all his friends are there and they made up their mind- they're going to Everfree again. Even Soarin, who at this point has nothing to lose. Blueblood figures out a spell that can find the location of the poison joke in the Everfree, especially the larger, concentrated gatherings, like the ones they would put in crates. The chapter ends as they go in again, against all odds and orders, but full of manly determination... despite everything.

Next chapter they quickly locate their base of operations, and it pisses Blueblood to no end- it's the old castle. The same one they fought Nightmare Moon in. Now it's full of armed henchmen gathering stuff, including the trio they met earlier. They are however found by Chuck's keen nose and easily caught, except Shiny Amora, who manages to slip away into the forest. They are restrained and put into dungeon, where they meet the man in charge- Al Capony himself! He tells them all about his dastardly plan, to repurpose poison joke as a biological weapon to sell to the highest bidder, saying that his Scientist (the one you know) modified it into something much more fierce. He comments about their curses, but passes on checking what under Blueblood's paper bag ("I ain't stupid enough to fall for that!". He is confused about what exactly is wrong with Soarin, who just sighs and doesn't want to talk about it. He leaves them be, noting that Blueblood (who he recognized from cutie mark) can still be useful. The others, not so much.

Once alone in their cell, they try to figure out a way out, but are interrupted by a rhyming female figur in the shadows. Yup, Zecora is here and she tells them how she has been held hostage for days, forced to create antidotes. They're of course happy to know a cure exists, but can't do much right now. They're also concerned about Shiny Amora who is still out there, but Blueblood, of all ponies, is confident in him, filly or not. He saved them once before.

Cut to the filly herself, she's still escaping ome goons, but stops just before a river, where a huge, shadow figure growls at her.

Back to the dungeon, they try to reason or outsmart the guards at the cell doors, but are unsuccessful. Until they hear some commotion outside, where apparently some monsters attack the castle. Soon after that, Shiny Amora comes down their cell, with keys to their shackles and frees them. The team assembless for a final confrontation.

Their first plan is to just find Al Capony and take him out first, but stumble upon Bro on the way. He and Thunderlane catch each others gazes and ask to be left alone, for they have a score to settle. Reluctantly, they leave them be and continue on. Things happen, they are separated and only Blueblood manages to reach Al Capony's room, which is in Celestia's old chambers. Blue and Al Capony have a short conversation about power, influence, yadda yadda, how Blue can't do crap without his magic (he has inhibitor on at the moment), and Blue is just pissed at what this criminal is doing to his Equestria.

Meanwhile, Doctor and Big Macintosh find an underground laboratory, where all the poison joke is being processed into something else. Scientist is there, boldly stating that this is his masterpiece and nopony can stop him and his creations. And as he says that, a giant, hulking pony shaped figure jumps at Big Macintosh and a fight starts, while he escapes, Doctor giving chase. But not before taking a better look at the monstrosity, which looks somewhat familiar.

Outside, Shiny Amora, Soarin and Zecora meet the roaming monsters, who are in fact their old friends- Stephen Magnet and his girlfriend! No, really! He didn't recognize Shiny in his new form, but hearing that his friends are in danger, he and his lovely girlfriend came to help and were doing a good job at fighting the mobs. This is also when we find out that Zecora is also friends with Stephen, not that it's important at the moment. As the sea serpents and Zecora (who can fight, apparently) are busy with taking on the mob, Soarin notices that the Secretary is flying away. He gives chase, not because he wants to catch a criminal, but because something had been bothering him about her. Unfortunately that leaves Shiny Amora alone versus Chuck, who recognizes the little pony as the annoying shield guy. Except, Shiny Amora can't use magic. And Chuck isn't above hitting a filly.

Let's get over the fights quickly:
-Big Mac just dukes it out with the monster and doesn't have much problem, except he holds back, as he can't shake the feeling that she's in much bigger pain than she looks. He eventually knocks her down through few walls, for her own safety.

-Doctor catches up to Scientist and they have a little conversation. Apparently, the monster he sent used to be a really lovely lab assistant of his, wouldn't hurt a fly, but she didn't return his feelings, so he made her his guinea pig for experiments. This angers Doctor more than anything, so much so that this time he doesn't hide from the gun and charges ahead instead. The Scientist is so shocked by it, most of his bullets miss competely, or at least don't hit the vitals. Once face to face, all it takes is one punchto knock him into the ground and aim his gun at his head. Doctor gives him a hateful speech at a gunpoint and pulls the trigger. The Scientist doesn't move... then it's revealed that he missed his head and shot right next to him, but he passed out of the shock instead. Whether he missed on purpose or not, is up to the readers (do remember: he's a War Doctor now).

-Shiny Amora can't do anything against the giant diamond dog and has no magic, so has to resort to dodging, until one lucky strike to the groins sends the diamond dog whimpering on the groun. Even as a little filly, Shining Armor is not to be triffled with.

-Thunderlane gets beaten up really badly by Bro, who taunts him and makes fun of his wings all the way, especially noting that he's nothing without them! Thunderlane can't help but agree, until he accidentally puts his pixie wings through the sunlight, which amplifies the light and blinds Bro for a moment. Noticing this, Thunderlane uses this to his advantage and gets a few shots in, though the last one Bro deals to himself, as he blindly punches a wall, so hard it breaks his hoof and collapses an old wall on himself. He's alive, but out of it. Thunderlane admits his new wings aren't as useless as he thought first... but he still wants his old ones back.

-Soarin easily catches up to the Secretary and they have a round two. This time, he talks to her throughout, mentioning how she seems like a hurt mare, trying to use violence and criminal ways to get revenge for something done to her. She admits that she's been through some very unfortunate relationships that left her bitter and broken (mostly read between the lines), and that all men are swine and at least Al Capony is upfront about using her, which is why she works for him. Saorin uses her rage against her and pins her down again, like last. Like last time she kicks him in the groin, but nothing happens. She's super confused and Soarin is all "Trust me lady, I'm a lot more disappointed than you are right now." She struggles for a while, until Soarin apologizes and plants a long, deep kiss on her lips, shutting her up for good. Once calm, he starts to give her a speech about empowerment, self-worth and second chances. Yes, he chased a dangerous criminal to convert her to a good side. With love and affection. Because it's Soarin.

-Blueblood, on the other hand, has by far the most brutal fight out of them all. Al Capony, despite being a middle aged, slightly overweight earth pony, is a really tough opponent. A short flashback explains that he climbed on the criminal ladder step by step, using his own hooves and working very, very hard to be where he is. Without magic, Blueblood has to resort to cheap tricks, using his enviromnent and pushing himself more than ever before, breaking a few bones in the process, but it's not enough. But just when he was about to be finished, he ripped off the bag of his face and as expected, Al Capony is too terrified to look at him. Blue uses this distraction to charge at him with full speed (despite a few broken bones) and punches him straight through the window, right into the main battlefield. The minions look terrified at their fallen boss, then at the window he fell from, so see a white, bloodied unicorn, with face conveniently covered in shadows, and what little morale they still had after facing two sea serpents was gone. Blueblood never felt more badass than now. Or was it adrenaline rush? He did lose a lot of blood and was barely standing straight.

Few hours later, the royal guards arrive at the scene to see a battlefield full of restrained mobsters, including a diamond dog, a scientist, Bro and Al friggin Capony himself! The only not restrained were five stallions, one wiht pixie wings, other with a bag on his face, most of them wounded and treated by a zebra. There was also a little filly, a mare in glasses talking in tears to one of the stallion, and two very friendly sea serpents. Explanations are given off-screen. They take them into custody, including the Secretary, who promises to cooperate and come out straight (and once she's free, she knows Soarin's address, if you know what I mean), as well as the "monster" mare, whose effects were slowly wearing off, but she was still transfered to a hospital.

The stallion six are of course reprimanded for getting themselves into danger, but at this point they don't give a crap about the legal way, because it was worth it, they claim looking at Zecora, Secretary and former lab assistant. Captain of the Royal Guards is impressed with the answer, but has to put up a good front and lets them be.

Last scene is in the Ponyville spa, where Zecora's treatment is taking effect and everyone goes back to normal (antidoes she gave to Al Capony were all placebos, but the mafia boss didn't bother to check). Soarin is so hapy to be "whole" again, he invited Aloe and Lotus for a dinner. They try to politely reject his offer, but they can't resist his charms for too long. Besides, come on, he earned it!

The end!

Post credits scene: Doctor sits in his house and examines his hoof for a moment, wondering if he did the right thing and how close he was to becoming... and then he's interrupted by buttery muffins. One look at the sweet treats, Ditzy and Dinky and he smiles before digging in. Into muffins, not the girls, of course.

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Feel free to comment in this thread.

Forget what I said...this I way worse then no info.

6090341
And I've been trying so hard

Eh, don't worry about it. It's just me whining.