Hello, I'm Walter Cronkite. It is currently 50 minutes past the hour.

On this day, the CRUEL EMPRESS CELESTIA of EQUESTRIALAND has crowned her FAITHFUL MISTRESS the new DEMONIC SENESCHAL DUSK SHINE.

The Heroic and Venerable President Chip had this to say:

"We will not stand for this. The enemies of mankind will be destroyed. There cannot be another alicorn. LUSTFUL SUCCUBUS CADENCE was acceptable, but this is simply going too far. We will rage across EQUESTRIALAND until the streets run red with the blood of innocents. CRUEL EMPRESS CELESTIA, this is all on your hooves."

Public reaction to the TWILICORN has been less than positive, but we here at AMERIKASTAN NEWS believe that she suffered from the shortened season of winter, and has largely frozen because of this.

Praise TWILICORN, long may she reign.

In other news, the UBIK bill passed through congress, and the Federal Bureau of Morality will finally be able to fulfill it's purpose; to put an end to any and all immoral behavior in the United Kingdom of America. Bureau Director George Walt made a statement to the press:

"This is George. Immoral behavior will no longer be tolerated in the United Kingdom of America. Homosexuals, otherkin, fetishists, will be sent to a number of reeducation camps in Texas: Austinwitz, San Belson, and Dallaschau.

This is Walt. All fetish licenses are hereby revoked. Holders will be prosecuted as if the license had never been issued.

This is George. Praise the Heroic and Venerable President Chip.

This is Walt. Praise the Heroic and Venerable President Chip."

And that's the way it is. This is Walter Cronkite, signing off.