Never Mind the Blog Spam, Here's the Sex Pistols

All jokes are funny with the correct delivery. Except for abortion jokes, there is no delivery.
How do you get an emo out of a tree? Cut the rope.
Dark humor is a lot like food. Not everyone gets it.

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[Sunshine Bat]

Straight outta Hellfest

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When I said finance, that's a fancy way of saying I got some of that bitcoin. We gotta have infinite clarifications to everything that comes out of my mouth. Let's all nod along to Campbell's soup about that because we are dirty dogs and fat cats are our natural enemy. No, university was all for understanding exactly how to be a lesbian vampire. Begs the question though, don't it, how come Stirner's ego didn't have him do that?

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[Sunshine Bat]

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I don’t appreciate my sister and lover being reduced to a headless corpse, not that that will keep us from sex, but I prefer her being able to moan during the act!

Blowjobs are the most direct and effective application of Friendship.

Fluttershy died later that night and all fucking hell broke loose. If this story had a decent plot line it just fell the fuck apart. Everypony had a mental breakdown after Fluttershy’s death. Twilight, unable to get the images of her dying friend out of her mind, took a power drill and drilled a hole in her head screaming, “I want to forget! Make me forget!”

What is the difference in a Sid Vicious versus a GG Allin?

[Sunshine Bat]

In this sour land where terrifying emissions happened, right here and sometime around now that's what's gonna take place.

There was something inside him. The disheveled stallion tottered across Ponyville, giving voice to a blur of discrepancies. He'd worked and jittered to save up some bits to blow on blow. He craved an ounce of pleasure and flesh and knew what damp zone to find that. He tottered on to Carousel Boutique where unfortunately more is sold than dresses.

Inside the plump colors greeted him. Transported to the counter, he set that money down. "You there, mistress of the evening. I solicit that special secret!" he proclaimed with a flourishing point of the hoof.

Rarity gagged and smirked because those are the things that go together. She eyed him up and then his money. Oh Celestia, that's real shiny money. "I'll say some seductive and clever words and you can then follow me to my private room."

Oh yes, this was supposed to be private, however, the stallion in his joy shouted aloud, "Yes, that's where I'll go to get dirty hooker sex!"

A small scoff was elicited from Rarity yet she only turned around and walked with a sexual swagger.

They got in the room and then Rarity started being all kinds of nasty and lewd. She went to wretchedly sucking that phallus. She existed in a way that preceded her essence and that had to lead to his essence.

"Oh Celestia, I do extremely enjoy having these parts of my anatomy tickled in particular!"

"Yes, yes. That's right baby. Just call me Rarity and I am a whore!"

"All my faces are wrinkly!" went the erotic talk of the stallion. "I'm showing you my happy face and it makes foals cry!"

She commenced with more sex acts. She touched his body in ways her mommy claimed was naughty.

"Oh no, it's simply too good! This chubby body can't take it all! I've eaten too much ravioli in my day! I'm gonna sneeze!" He felt the jolts crawling up his nose. He tilted his head backward in a flash.

Rarity couldn't even react in time. Her reflexes were too polished for polishing and out of touch.

He sneezed insidiously viciously with a jerk of his skull. His fragile neck creaked. That fat head tipped and whipped so hard it gave him a concussion. A gelatinous eyeball sprung out its socket. His stomach flipped over too and a tidal wave of rancid vomit emerged to shower the whore.

Certainly not the weeping end, his pelvis was disturbed from all the activity and voided his bowels. Disgusting adjectives and descriptions that will make puke too get all over Rarity. But she's such a whore that she couldn't even let go.

Gagging and shuddering and squinting, she pressed on. Rarity that old gal set herself to this line of action and it was impossible to cease. She had her heart set on giving a good fucking blowjob and that's what she had to do. Dust crumbled deep in the distance.

"That's a dirty dog!" choked out the doughy boy in encouragement. He felt so nauseated and his head was spinning but he didn't want his knob to stop getting slobbered. He sputtered and vomit chunks were falling off his lips. That eyeball hung loose and free in the air and he grinned to himself.

It's as though a choir surrounded them and it squealed, "Nightmare, nightmare, nightmare!" Oh Celestia, there's simply so much pleasure that it's all pain!

Imagine my dad stood over me with a whisk and a spatula and he inquired which would I rather be beaten with? Perhaps the answer was both all at once.

A pool of vomit rested in the stallion's lap and there went our whore grasping onto it with matted slimy hooves while she bobbed up and down on his penis. Slurping up his stomach contents and it wouldn't be long before she expelled hers, but there's no stopping this show.

Beyond where the morticians dwell, drifted dirt and sour disease met to consummate their love.

The stallion leaned back in his bliss and with lazy lips, he voiced a new thought. "I'll show you such blasphemy, you'll walk away bleeding."

He reached and pulled a switchblade from his ass because that's where all these things came from.

Slurping Rarity raised her eyes but dare not stop her lecherous task. She saw the blade spring out but felt no fear while a phallus dwelt in one of her cavities.

And no threat was given toward her. No, instead the blade turned against its owner and this pleasured, flopping stallion pierced it onto his own belly. Oh, that's blood! Oh mother and father, where are we!? The turning knife wrote the word Fuck across his skin since it's so horrible a curse.

"Make me eat worms," he cried out and then in fitting seppuku, he jabbed back down the knife again and sliced all open his abdomen.

Rarity paused slack-jawed on the penis, while now a cascade of red organ matter poured onto her, meeting the puddle of vomit. Of all the blowjobs she'd given, not once before had there been a sight like this! Right then her own eyes started bleeding. That marred unicorn patted herself on the back for delivering such a reddened rotten climax.

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Looking like that's all that's in my tank right now.

Anyway, I know the tone is muddy and fuzzy but it gets to some kind of point so I'll give myself a star for that. Believe in yourself, Rarity, and you can make magic happen. There's some tips to be had from Chuckward, definitely.

Too late, it occurs to me and myself to clarify I'm not some sort of singling anypony out, just playing a fool. Righto, we've all got our own stresses.