Sharing to you what happened to me · 7:40am Feb 19th, 2022
To avoid confusion, I'm going to refer to my half-sisters by the initials of their first names, K and D.
It all started in the final week of November when K announced on the group chat in Messenger that there's going to be a family gathering in D's house on December 25th. Because of that, negative assumptions were running around my head and it made me go through depression that was worse than I could've ever imagined.
A week later, I opened up to my mom about my assumptions that in the gathering, D would constantly ask me when I will take another college course or she would pressure me to find work. I ended up crying because there was no mutual understanding between us. All D did was force her perspective on me, not giving me the chance to share my perspective.
Mom told me that I should fight for what I want to do in life because all she wants for me is to be happy. She took her situation as an example when my dad forbade her from exercising. Mom fought for it and she exercises regularly for the maintenance of her health and weight, not to look sexy or whatever bullshit claims coming from my dad.
A couple of weeks later, K DM'd me about being shocked after mom told her about my ill feelings. K was the one who cheered for me when I wanted to do calligraphy and learn Nihongo. I clarified to K that mom was referring to my ill feelings specifically towards D, which gave K some relief. I told K that her toxic attitude from 2013-2016 affected me throughout my life and that I wrote a suicide note in 2014 which I tore into pieces. K was aware of her attitude but claimed that she's a changed person. K apologized to me which is what I wanted to hear.
A few days later, D DM'd me about my feelings of resentment towards her. D allowed me to let out what I needed to say, such as her using religion to hurt me, being an abusive extrovert, and not being happy for me. I was so sick and tired of D constantly asking when I'll take another college course and constantly pressuring me to find work. I also told D that I quit going to a mainline Church in April 2020 because I discovered an LGBTQ+ affirming Church that welcomes and accepts me 100%. I made it very clear to D not to invite me to the mainline Church ever again. Additionally, I admitted to D that I threw away the Bible that she gave me in 2010 because I don't believe everything that is written there and it deserves to be thrown in the trash. Once I was done letting it all out, I let D tell me what she needed to say.
D apologized for the things she did to me. Not knowing the struggles of introverts is one of her weaknesses. D said the reason why she asked those questions is that she wanted me to tell her what my plan is. D added that the HR department would question jobseekers about their long period of unemployment and that I have to take another college course if I want to take the career path of accounting. D claimed that it would've been better if I put up my own business or do freelancing. I was expecting D to be offended that I threw the Bible away, but I'm glad she didn't. D also said that I should've told her my findings and discoveries so that I wouldn't assume that she's not supporting me. If I don't tell her, she would constantly give ideas.
Afterwards, K announced on the group chat that there's going to be a guest in the Christmas gathering and asked for no drama between me and D, but mom said that we already talked, much to K's relief. The fact that K said that there's a guest was a huge saving grace for me. I really don't want any drama whatsoever. All I want is to have peace of mind and not think too much of what people have to say about who I am and what I want to do.
After attending the gathering, I felt better and from that point on, I feel calm and collected, focusing on the present, living in the moment, and taking care of myself. As the pandemic goes on, I do miscellaneous things around the house to keep myself productive such as cleaning, taking out the trash, washing dishes, doing errands, exercising regularly, listening to music, attending online classes, and doing homework. I also browse fan art of my fictional crush on Tumblr and DeviantArt to find comfort and solace.
As a result, I don't let bad memories linger in the back of my mind anymore and I don't let naysayers live in my head rent-free. I'm willing to forgive those who hurt me not because they deserve it, but because I deserve to have peace of mind. That's all I have to share for today. I appreciate you for reading this entire update and as always, thank you for the love and support you've given me ever since I joined the platform. Take care and stay safe.
PS: I told both K and D that I attended therapy sessions to help with my mental health issues and I'm relieved that they didn't impose their biased beliefs on me.
