Edited Revelations of Past and Present

Edited!
I have made all the necessary changes, and I think I'm happier with the story the way it is now anyway.
I attempted to make any descriptions come from the character's POV, but I don't know how successful I was in finding everything.
Anyways, similar changes are being made to chapter two, which should be up tomorrow, I've decided to make some changes in an attempt to make my OC a little less Mary Sue (after reading the article on that, I found that there were a few too many similarities for my liking
I hope to continue to better my story in any way I can, and hopefully let this lead on to better stories in the future.