'Highs And Lows' Postmortem · 11:39pm Feb 14th, 2012
I'm...not too happy with this is story, actually.
I can write better than this, much better. But I've been banging my head against this for months now and this morning I realized that I've lost interest. I could continue to half-heartedly tweak it, let it rot on my drive, or post it and finally and contribute to the community I've been leeching from for so long.
When I write I usually develop characters and scenarios first. These thoughts precipitate interesting scenes and events, the "exciting bits" or action sequences if you want to think of it as a movie.
I add onto these scenes, extending the continuum upwards and downwards, and eventually the leading edges meet and help form a cohesive story. A metaphor can be drawn with crystal formation, probably.
Often scenes are completely disparate until somewhere along the way I realize two or more scenes fit together nicely and make for a more interesting narrative.
That's what happened here.
I wrote out the opening scene, Rainbow Dash's orbital insertion (no jokes please), when I was suddenly struck with inspiration while at work.
The scene with Rainbow preening Flutters in her bedroom started as a mental image that I was trying to find a home for. I started messing around in the periphery of Rule 34 territory (thats how Twilight got involved, I thought it would be hilarious to have her stumbling in on them and making assumptions) but eventually decided that I didn't want to do that to poor Flutters and started looking for another lead in. I figured that Fluttershy isn't as strong a flier as Rainbow Dash and could just be tuckered out after trying to keep with with Dash and her crazy tricks. Her receiving technical help from a (self-proclaimed) expert seemed much more plausible (and made me feel like less of a dirty old man). Twilight gained a random MacGuffin explanation for being the in area, Angel got a cameo (I hate that f----ing rabbit, I just wanna tear its head from its shoulders and-) and I turned my attention to what Dash was doing.
Writing for Dash is easy/hard. At any given time we have a high probability of knowing exactly what she is doing: sleeping or flying. (...Sudden thought: can she do both at the same time?) Sadly, making either interesting in writing is a pain in the butt. I figured going for a joyflight in and around some large clouds would be a Dash thing to do, and that slowly morphed into unusual weather patterns, which suggested a Weather Patrol explanation. (FYI, I was listening to a remix of "Till the Sky Falls Down" by one Dash Berlin when writing Dashs cloud-climbing sequence. I was even quoting lyrics in there for a bit, like an idiot.)
Around then I realized that the orbital insertion (seriously, stop laughing) tidbit I had written a while ago would fit nicely on top (and used the dream gimmick as literary glue). At the time I was struggling with the length of the whole story and this seemed like a good way to extend it, at the risk of making the whole thing less coherent. I must admit the dream sequence bugs me a bit; Equestia seems so bassackward technologically that something as sophisticated at an ACES is an eyesore of an anachronism. Would Dash even know what the hell it was, nevermind dream of one?
Anyway.
Twilights original (post-R34) reaction is as written, but once outside Flutters house it originally devolved into anger (her thinking that Dash was torturing Fluttershy for some reason) rather than numb shock. I had her torching a tree with magic and threatening Dash until it was pointed out to me that this was rather out-of-character. Frankly I think changing Twilights reaction to confusion killed the emotional punch at the end, but it does seem more in line with her personality as set forth in the show.
My one real regret in characterizations here is I made Fluttershy out to be a air-headed weakling. She may not be the strongest pony on the block but I'd like to think that shes enough in tune with her body and her skills that she wouldn't have put herself in danger like she did and is perfectly capable of keeping herself in tip-top shape, preening included. Unfortunately the scene at the end doesn't really work without her being nearly completely helpless and oblivious, and I like that scene at the end. The rest of the story was basically setup for it. Sorry Flutters. :(
As I said in my review I have come to comment upon your blog about the fanfic 'Highs and Lows'. This post-mortem thing you have here is pretty darn good and I wish more authors would do it as it made for an interesting read providing decent insight to how your story was created and the reasoning behind the story itself.
If I am not happy with a story then I don't publish it, something I did with a recent case when a story idea I had going was turning out badly and I decided to scrap it and focus on a different idea instead (one which I have begun to upload to the site). The fact that you were able to at least finish the story and keep on editing while not approving of it shows quite the dedication and who knows; maybe you'll get interest for it one day in the future and return to editing it.
Your method of writing is one I do not practise myself however I know of other stories which have been written using a similar method (on this site the first which comes to mind is 'Sparkles Law' by AestheticB, a long but absolutely gut bursting one-shot that I truly do recommend). This method explains why each moment is so detailed and yet also explains the negative of why it felt like certain scenes were from different fanfics or didn't flow together.
As for your original plans for the fanfic, the rule 34 version would have been more appropriate depending on how Twilight comprehends it. If she saw it as Rainbow Dash forcing Fluttershy into the act then it would feel rather inappropriate, but if it were to be understood in her mind as them both proceeding with a rule 34 act then it comes across as embarrassing and confusing for Twilight (particularly if you kept the part where Rainbow Dash ushers Twilight over when she spots her) but she wouldn't consider either of them to be doing harm to the other (it would also fuel the happiness of the FlutterDash shipper I am but that's hardly relevant).
The idea of Fluttershy receiving technical help was a good one and could have worked with either scenario, and though you dislike the character I am pleased with the cameo appearance of Angel Bunny (my third favourite character of the show). You have explained well why writing for Rainbow Dash is easy but hard and you'll be glad to know that it paid off, the cloud climbing scene was beautifully described and a marvel to read.
As for Twilight's reaction, the one you have in the actual fanfic is certainly more fitting with her character as well as being much funnier than what you had originally planned. I am glad that this change was made. I don't mind the lack of an emotional punch at the end because the ending that I received was one that made me smile and I think I prefer ending a reading session with a smile on my face and happy thoughts in my mind.
My final comment will be regarding your characterisation of Fluttershy and I will calm your fears that’s it is not as bad as you put it and she could have come across a lot worse. I felt she was given a legit reason for her 'weak state' in the events of the fanfic. Well, this has been fun but the conversation had drawn to a close so cheerio!