I have been sucked dry of all passion. · 1:07am Feb 27th, 2020
What the title says. I've been sucked dry of all passion for anything. Writing, music, games, all of it. I won't go all the way down to the roots of why I feel this way, but here's the surface level of it:
In high school everyone has to take the SAT. Here, anyway. But you also have to take the PSAT, which is basically an easier practice version of the SAT that gets sent in to one company. Depending on your results, you can get scholarship money from that test.
I did. In fact, I got a full ride scholarship. So when I graduated high school, I pretty much had to go to university, it would have been stupid to go through all the effort of getting a full ride scholarship (I was required to take the PSAT once my sophomore year, but to get the scholarship you have to take it again your junior year) only to not take advantage of it. And my parents made it clear that if I dropped out of university "to find myself" that they didn't intend on keeping me at home. At the time I figured that was reasonable, so I went to university.
I have spent four semesters here, and every single one of them has been hell. Every time, I slip into a spiral that I can't recover from. I miss one class, then two, then I'm skipping three days of classes, and I'm too embarrassed to show up anymore so I don't, and I barely scrape by with Cs at the end of the semester, knowing full well that the lower my GPA falls the less scholarship money I get.
And the classes suck. Barely anything to do with my major, forced to take a bunch of stupid physics classes that I've already taken in high school and have an unnecessarily high work load.
So all of the passion I ever felt for school has been sucked dry, and I'm thinking about dropping out. I have a decent job and an apartment lined up, once I get some paperwork taken care of, and I think my mental state would improve significantly without the added stress of taking a bunch of classes I have no passion for. The money would be enough to get by for a few years, more than enough actually given how low rent is in this part of the country. It isn't my plan for forever, but it would be good enough for the next few years. I would be able to spend more time doing the stuff I actually want to do, like writing and learning the guitar. I think it would be good for me, much better than my current situation. Not to mention, I'd actually be living with other people.
Anyway. I haven't made progress on the sequel to Dragon Mistress Rarity since nearly a month ago. At some point I'll drum up enough motivation to sit down and finish it. Maybe this week. Maybe two years from now. Who knows? Depression is absolutely unpredictable, and I think this might be the lowest I have been.
I think I'll try to force myself back into the habit of writing daily today.
I completely understand what you're going through. To be frank, depression is a MASSIVE bitch. Just take your time and relax. I look forward to seeing what else you can come up with and I will patiently wait. Good luck!
5210283
Thank you for the kind words. Means a lot that anyone cares.
5210534
You're welcome!