Happy Canada Day! · 12:00pm Jul 1st, 2019
A day where we celebrate the birthday of the dominion that is the great white north by eating french fries covered with gravy and cheese curds and washing it all down with beer while watching hockey.
A day where we celebrate the great symbols of our land: the mountie, the beaver, the maple leaf and the sweet nectar that is maple syrup.
A day where we sit back and look at our great land and realize that it's just a vast expanse of nothingness (no, seriously, there's like nothing here aside from stuff along the boarder).
A day where we reflect on our long history--and remember why we barely do because it's dull, boring, and not much really happens.
A day where we celebrate all our great contributions to the world: basket ball, Superman (we don't care what you say), Celine Dion, Nickelback, Bare Naked Ladies, The Guess Who, Justin Bieber, Mike Meyers, Jim Carrey, William Shatner, voice and animation talent for a little girls' show about tiny magical pastel horses, and a host of others that no one seems to remember any more.
It also begins a period or reflection in the great relationship with our (only) neighbor. A time to reminisce when we were fought over by the British and some romantic-language-speaking nation. When revolution forced us to take sides. When we burned down our neighbor's house because he came into our yard--which is probably the only badass thing we have ever done. And yet, after all that, we managed to become great friends, fighting along side on foreign fronts (on wars we often find ourselves dragged into).
We wonder what the world thinks of us for having to deal with such a neighbor.
Above all, we're all "eh"s and "sorry"s and, by American standards, horribly unpatriotic. Why? I dunno, guess just because we're Canadians.
So, Happy Canada Day! Enjoy it! Embrace it! And remind Americans that they need to wait their turn.
A few tunes for the day:
Our National Anthem
An Ode To Our Glorious Mounties
A Devotion To Our Favorite Sport
A Hymn To Our Great Land