One Girl Venting

I'm a bit stuck. I want to write more, but I've hit the proverbial wall. This was brought on first by holiday craziness in December, followed shortly by a sinus infection, then a friend who needed help, and now...now it's from death. A family member died last week. She was 32. She had a blood clot in her leg which stopped her heart. 32 and she were trying to find a doctor that took her insurance due to the changes in the healthcare marketplace. 32 and she died from something preventable, and I don't know how to handle this information. It's been a week, and I'm still in shock. It wasn't that we were close...more like I thought I would have more time to know her. She was 32. And I look at the new chapter now over a month late and all I can see now is her in her casket. All I can think of is death's swift kick to my gut. I want to write it. I want to get it all out of me, but I don't know how, and even if I did, how can I give people that...the hollow shocking sadness that drifts through me...I want to write stories of hope and love now sadness and hollow feelings, but I can't reach that side of me...what does a writer do when their feeling feel radically different from what they wish to write?