Ouch

I would like to say that I'm still doing fine...but I'm not. I'm truly not. It's been slightly difficult trying to keep smiling like nothing has changed. Lost my job almost two years ago and I haven't been able to obtain a new one yet.

I try do help out with my folks but...it can be a hassle. Plus I never had the best memory so there's that.

My mind talks to itself plenty, one third hates where I'm at and the other just doesn't care either way. Meanwhile my sanity, if I ever had that rocks back and forth on a thin string. I have to remind myself that suicide is the coward's way out, remind myself!

But the worst part is that I can't believe that I've actually put up with myself this long...Oh, you don't understand? Here, let me explain.

Nine years old, I had moved to Ohio. Sure I didn't like the state because I'm from Michigan but it was still nice. Had friends and my parents weren't arguing too much...then my was drinking more, dad was at work more and I've attended public junior high. That was when I started to act out of control.

Fifteen years old, I had moved to El Paso TX. I absolutely fucking hated that place. The sand got everywhere, there was nothing to do and someone always fucking dies every year when spring came around! But hey, I had gotten a girlfriend! Plus right? Fuck no, we were together for a whopping two weeks before she got back with her ex.

Then there was Hawai'i...I was actually able to say that I had a true smile on my face then. Got there at 2011, graduated High School the following year and the island itself was beautiful!..but there was the fact that I failed my first college so...yeah.

Joined the Air Force 2013...and made it fucking 2 and a half years before I was kicked the hell out.

Now I'm in Killeen TX with my parents and older brother and if I didn't cut my hair low, I look as though I had cotton balls growing out.

No matter all the crappy shit that life had given me never, and I do mean never, had I ever thought I had to remind myself that muthafucking suicide was the coward's way out!

...I have lived such a good life and I actually contemplated to end it. I am so fucking tired of this shit and I miss the days when I could smile for no.reason whatsoever...

...I need to type this out so I don't do something stupid. I put more up the next time I'm on this website.

DracoTitan siging out.