Vent blog · 10:10pm Apr 9th, 2017
Warning, this is just some mindless ramblings and thoughts. Just a heads up in case you do read.
I'm not sure what I'm going to be writing in this blog, and i'm not even bothered if no one sees this or reads it. I'm writing this purely to get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper... er blog...post. Whatever.
I guess I could talk about my lack of interaction with the wonderful people I've come to know on this site. I've felt myself drifting away from this site again and it's not due to a lack of love for pony fiction or anything of that sorts. Life for me at the minute has just been absolutely stressful to the point where it's rare for me to get the opportunity to properly relax and actually enjoy reading the stories on this site, both new and favourites. Being forced to work two jobs to pay expenses whilst still attending college would do that I guess. It also means that I barely talk to anyone anymore, I feel like I've distanced myself from the many friends I've made in my time on this site.
I've also lost a few friends from the stupid things that I've done. For those who don't know me very well (Probably most tbh) I tend to fall into states of depression pretty often, and when I do I just shut myself in and push everyone away. I think it's because I think i'll feel better if i'm alone for a while to sort through the mess going through my head but it ends up making things worse. Then that kind of repeats itself and builds up until I reach a breaking point and completely shut down. I'm just glad I have my best friend whose always been there for me and has never given me a chance to do something that I'd really regret. She's basically my rock (as cliche as that is) and I doubt I'd really be here if she wasn't constantly there for me when I need her. But even she has her limits and I don't like unloading everything onto her so... y'know, vent blog and all, heh. This probably won't stick around long.
Another major thing on my mind right now is my dad. He's not in the best of health right now to put it lightly and it's just getting increasingly difficult to deal with. The news we're hearing from the doctors is getting increasingly worse. Started out with a small blood pressure problem, to a small calcium build-up in his artery which they easily cleared and now his artieries are slowly collapsing on themselves. Words can't even describe what it feels like to see my dad like he is and being unable to do anything for him. He's always been the best dad any girl could ever ask for and... i'm scared. I'm scared to lose my daddy alright? I don't even know what to do with myself any more. I feel so lost. I've been occupying myself with random hobbies that i've not done in years, like baking cakes for Christ sakes!
I don't even know how i'm going to end this. I guess it doesn't matter though does it? Sorry if you actually read any of this.
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I wish him the best and hope that he gets better soon.
4490504 His op is on the 3rd of May, so all we can do right now is wait and hope nothing worse happens... Its just been a constant bit of bad news after bad news and i'm hoping for something good for a change.