May as well be gone

Haven't posted much, not that I have ideas. From some horror story, to some adventure with a traveling group, to some kind of Space Hulk-like. Between real life things and me still feeling distant from fandom stuffs, I just can't see a point.

From abuse on the IRC, to being treated badly by facebook, I about had only one friend in all this fanstuffs. Now, with said real life events, I'm not sure if I'll see him again. Long story, things went to square one despite all efforts, plus usual uncertainty for anything getting better. In sort, it's bad. Not there weren't some bright spots, again having a friend in real life to talk to before things really went south was good while it lasted. Shame things fucked up again.

Either way, between the IRC issues, plus the fact I couldn't get to writing before things got worse, wounder it I really was intended to kill myself? Not like my absence seems missed, nor my presence wanted. Too many sorts more or less said "why should I care?" or "Go ahead and do it."(booting me from IRC in the process) or maybe just saying I'm not worth the effort.

Some times I want to bleed out this fandom. Enough death, and life will matter as a person counts for once. Or perhaps the opposite, life matters less as the survivors become more isolated and territorial? Feels isolated enough where I keep finding myself, then again I'd rather not see my friend hurt.

Even so, I'm not sure if this fandom is the worst thing that has happened in my life.