O, the Paradoxical Nature of Emotion! · 5:41am Jan 31st, 2017
Typically when I blog here, or post in any group, it's usually dank memes or maybe it's that someone famous died. Rarely do I post about my emotions or opinions. And only once did I ever post in Anti-Depression Ponies. Lately, however, I have posted rants and vented on my Tumblr. Not too many, but more than on here.
I have found myself asking, "Why? You have very few followers on Tumblr? Nobody will ever see your posts!" And I suppose that is why I prefer to post on Tumblr.
I have nearly 100 followers, and am many groups. While I'm only active in a handful, that's still more people able to recognize me. And, irrational though it may be, I feel as though that essentially every opinion I could post here would be judged and mocked. And then people would point and say "oh hay, it's that one dumbass bitch, lmao". And with more people knowing about me, that would result in a larger negative reputation. Also, I hate it when people know what I'm feeling - because then...I dunno. I guess the attention, BUT...
I also like getting sympathy points. I like it when people give me support, and they tell me that I can through this, and give me advice, and all that other fuzzy, feel good shit. Or when I see that people agree with me. I love the attention.
But I also hate it, for whatever reason that I can't quite discern. I don't like posting on here because I feel like people will judge me for being petty or have bad opinions, but posting on Tumblr is also dissatisfying, because it feels like nobody sees and understands, that everything I say and feel just disappears, that it all is(to quote Macbeth) "full of sound and fury/Signifying nothing."
Tl;dr I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because feelings are weird.
I honestly don't know what to say.