first post

Hello everyone out there who probably isn't reading this. And a special hello to the people out there who are. I think we can safely call me hmm...... Joy Candy. My pony-sona name......yeah lets go with that. I'm not to sure what the hell blogs are for but I've got a rough idea. I mean am i supposed to tell you guys about my days events, whatever the fuck is going on in my head or both?!?! I'll just go with both. Yes these will have language, yes i will be slightly depressed in these, no i'm not going to use full name, i might just go get some pudding, and there will be PLENTY of my Tom Foolery.

Heh, did you guys know you could watch yourself on this site? It's pretty funny really. Well, i guess i should just stop with the stupid ramblings. I'll just tell you whats going on in the brain matter some people call my brain. First off, i love reading and the internet. Why? 1. Because reading is amazing! Books are a friend who will never let you down 2. I'm not really to keen on why i do love the internet. I guess it's cause of the drama going on i'm my house, It's a haven, my own safe haven. I can't be yelled at, or ridiculed, or made fun of. Well, i can but it's just not the same! If you ask me what my security blanket looks like i'd tell you it looks like my Netbook, my bed with me under the comforter, and my Eeyore stuffie watching me.

I'm 14, and yes i'm in the 8th grade. You know how people say that when you leave high school the drama ends? Bullshit. Bull-fucking-shit. It doesn't. It never will. I was 6 almost 7 when my mother filed for divorce. I saw the signs that she was cheating, but my fragile young mind didn't understand it. I later found out it wasn't with the three men, but seven. Seven of those bastards instead of my father. I love my mamma, but don't get me wrong. I WILL never see my father go through the pain he had to for 8 years as a single father again. Two kids, one man, plenty of fucking women who didn't like single fathers. Then he found Angie. I'm glad he did. He stopped suffering. He started being truly happy again. I used to not understand what he meant by wanting someone to hold or love. Now i do. I completely understand. I just don't like Angie sometimes. I know it's stupid and crap, but she makes me feel horrible. Four or five years ago my mom moved with my little half-sister to Florida. I was really unhappy. I missed my mom and my sis, man. Who wouldn't be? Then Angie and her daughter Allaura show up. It's pronounced Laura with ahh sound and and extra L. I kinda hate seeing her be all motherly to Allaura and practicly shun me. I hate how my dad goes with whatever she says. I hate how her anxiety takes over and she practicly growls at you! Sometimes i wanna cry. Fuck, i wanna cry a lot.i don't. Why? Because everyone ridicules me. They don't just shut-up and listen telling me what i want to hear, they tell me the fucking way of life. How it isn't fair, how things happen for a reason. I fucking know things aren't fair. I'm not stupid.

I'm smart. I know i'm smart. I'm pretty too. I know that also. In fact, i know i can sing beautifully, that i'm a good writer, that i'm an OK drawer. At least i'm humble. Or modest, whichever term you want. I know these things, but i don't constantly remind people of how much better i am then them. Like Riley. Oh my f-ing celestia do i hate her! She tells people constantly how she's good at sports and other things! She reminds you that she can do better. She boasts. And that's the reason i want to beat her face in with a frying pan!!!

I have two main people that i know i can trust and talk to. One of which i don't tell everything. That would be Travis. I have very few friends. Not because i'm anti-social or anything i just think it's pointless to try and even begin a friendship with a mask. Whats the point of pretending? Anyways, i tell Travis stuff. I really do. Just not most of it. I tell my best-friend Skyler almost everything. Not everything though. We all have secrets. I'm not going to tell my biggest secret on here because i'm 14. I also have a little group of "lunch-buddies" as i like to call them. It's usually just the 4 of us eating. We laugh, we joke, we have fun. I enjoy their company.

Well, it is currently 12:09 in the moning where i'm at, so i think i'm going to bed now. Good night people who read about the things going on in my gray-matter.