New Story Coming Soon! · 4:37am Dec 16th, 2015
Not sure if any-one of my whole twelve followers even will read this...but if you do, Hello!
For awhile I have been working on a story I'm quite proud of so far, it's about Lyra and Bon Bon, but wait! it's not cheesy or stereotypical pony jabber, ya'know, the two fillies go on a adventure, or Lyra meets a human, no nonsense like that!
Here's a snippet of the story;
"The winds blew hard and loud through my mane, thistles and leaves were set aloft in the whispering waves becoming stuck in my coat, the morning was crisp and bright, Celestia had just raised the sun and I thought that maybe I had enough time in the day to make some distance between me and that accursed home. You could tell that the mountains in the distance had just melted their midnight frost as they shone. I cleared some of the debris from my face as I trotted toward the sun, thoughts of guilt and regret ran through my mind, I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for the things I did."
This is in the perspective of Bon Bon, the whole story is. hopfully you guys will enjoy it, I know I have writing it!
Any-who, hope someone reads this...bye!
Hello Ray,
You probably already posted this story, but I have some issues with the 'realness' of your prose. It is poetic, but it doesn't make any sense.
Wind would blow through mane not against it. Not a big issue, but still.
I don't know what 'midnight dew' is, but I am certain it would evaporate and not melt.
If you like, I could help you edit your stories. I am not the sort of person who pushes the my way is the best way on people. I like to point out issues I have with writer's text and suggest different styles.
3672241 Hey!
I haven't in fact posted this story...I haven't even named it!
I know I have a lot to edit and proofread, that's for certain. And if you're willing to, sure! I could send you what I have so far Via, GoogleDocs and you can tell me what you think and what you can do.
Also, do you mean you can help me edit this story? or any of my "stories" as you typed.
If you have finished your story, if it has an ending, send me a link, and I will point see what I can do. I am not interested in changing your plot or themes. I will help you tighten up your prose and eliminate inconsistancies.
3675977 Alright, sounds good. I'll get back to you once I have the final draft finished up.