Quick, Everyone, Jump on the Bandwagon! · 2:53am Dec 7th, 2015

Choose a pony and write a story about them masturbating. It started with Twilight Masturbates, now there's already a Rarity Masturbates, Pinkie Masturbates, and a Fluttershy Masturbates. Here's my contribution to the fad:

Mr. Cake Masturbates
Mr. Cake let out a sigh. It had been another busy lunch rush, and he felt satisfied. All of the nice ponies coming in and enjoying the sweets he made just for them, it gave him a joy that could only be surpassed by his wonderful wife and foals. The feeling after a job well done was a reward unto itself.
Then she came. A pink mare in a tight fitting dress-suit that restricted her movements, or it could have been the stick up her butt. She swaggered up to the register and looked down her nose at the selection of sweets in front of her. She snorted or tsked at each pastry that passed under her judgemental, half-lid glances. As if judging for a competition, the mare snuffed each of Mr. Cakes sweets that he made.
She sighed, stood up, and rolled her head. "Do you have anything edible here?"
This wasn't the first tough customer Mr. Cake had, but she was certainly rushing to be the worst he dealt with. "We have a great selection of sweets. If you don't see anything you like, we can always make something for you." He pointed to a menu hanging above the shelves behind him.
The mare looked up at the menu and continued to make more noises with her mouth. Mr. Cake silently ground his teeth underneath his smile.
"Fine, make me a Mocha Pots de Creme." She threw some bits carelessly on the counter. A few coins clattered on the ground behind the register. Mr. Cake bent down and picked the bits, he lowered himself down enough so she wouldn't see him snarl.
"Well, don't just stand there. My time is important."
He put his smile back on and stood back up. "Of course, Miss. Right away." He rushed back into the kitchen.
~~~olo~~~
Mocha Pots de Creme, Mocha Pots de Creme. Ah here it is! Mr. Cake went through the ingredients listed in the cookbook. A chocolate pudding desert with chocolate shavings. Such a pompous name for such a plain treat. He gathered all the ingredients he needed and started making the sweet.
"Well, what's the hold up!?"
Her voice was worse than nails on his eardrums. "It won't be long," he said. "It'll only be a minute."
He mixed the ingredients together, if he wasn't alone, Pinkie or his wife could have entertained her so she wouldn't have been so snippity. On second thought, he'd hate to subject either of them to that cow at the counter.
"I'm waiting."
Mr. Cake ground his teeth together. Then an idea struck him. He looked about and made sure there was no pony near the door or the windows. He put the mixing bowl on the floor and strategically positioned himself behind the table in the center of the room, so if anyone came in, he had a layer of protection.
With one hoof, he reached down and stroked himself. Slow at first, but built up pace. Thinking about his lovely wife, he continued his rapid strokes. Faster, faster. Yes, that's it. He remembered what Mrs. Cake wore for him on his last birthday. Oh Celestia, yes. Take it, Luna. Then that one time they both were on the Friendship express. Yes, yes, yes! Almost there! He went at it like a furious animal. Any harder and he would have pulled it off.
"Well, are you coming, or not!?"
"I'm cumming!" said Mr. Cake. He wiped the sweat off his brow and finished the pudding. He made sure to give the treat a few extra stirs before wrapping it up and giving it to the mare. "Here you go. Made it special just for you."
"About time." The mare took the bag between her teeth and turned to leave. "The service here stinks. Don't expect me to come here again."
Oh, you won't be missed.
He waved at the mare as she left. "Thank you, and come again!"