Motivation

I cannot sleep so I am typing out my thoughts to tire myself out.

What motivates us? The closure of life, the backings of close ones, or an objective needed to be done? Recently, I read "Jobs With Benefits", a backstory on Soarings' life and how's he deals with it. I was moved. A even paced and drama filled words that painted my tablet, showing the struggles of a background pony. The recent chapter that was posted got me thinking and is making me ask this life-changing question: What motivates me?

Don't get me wrong, I have ask this question dozen, if not hundreds, of times over the last year. I stopped going to college and started working, doing things that are repeatable and mind-numbing. Going in and out, not seeing and doing different things I wanted to as a young adult is NOT what I wanted to do. Though I've finally got money of my own, I work full time to get what I want through the span of 8-9 months, yet still coming up short for things I wanted to buy to practice on for the future. And even if I got bought it, I probably will not use it very much because of one word; why?

I try. Every night, I try to be passionate, giving myself talks and writing with confidence a list of what I need to do to improve myself for the better future. Filling my head with possibles of being fit, mastering few useful skills, and basically becoming a sexy and cofident man are embrassing things I do for lifting my spirits. Yet, comes the next day, I start over the routine that got me stuck.

I want to love and be loved. I want a woman (or man if I ever decide to swing that way) that I can cuddle at night, smelling her scent that melts away the tension of life. I want to spew out my frustration and anger at the world while she gives advice or reasoning in a gentle way like Fluttershy. To go on dates, walk on beaches, watch movies, do special events, even #%*ing kinky sex that spices up my relationship, our relationship. I can't have that.

I'm the 'nice guy'. The quote, 'Nice guy finish last.'? I don't want to be a jackass. Becoming one that shows off the girl than dumps her because she doesn't do things you wanted to do? Talk to her, see why she be like that. Or he. We don't do that because we were raise like that. All the smack talk, lies, and backstabbing is disgusting. I going off tangent with this.

Love is my motivation. Or something of a goal to reach. That whole lovey-dovey stuff? Yep, I'm a romantic person. *Sigh* I ran of steam. Can't think anything else to add to this blog. Whelp, question for this blog:

What drives us toward the future?
-Traveller out