I had a minor breakdown.

After school, I had a meeting with my Speech Specialist about having mom sign some papers so The Specialist can help me with my Language Disorder, Cluttering. (Here the definition of it here )

Anyway, during the meeting, The Specialist told my mom about my progress on how he diagnosed me with Cluttering. As he when on about what Cluttering is, I started to tear up. I wasn't mad about the explaining the situation about my Cluttering, I'm fine with that. But for some reason I just started to tear up.

After about like an fifteen minutes of talking about how I get embarrassed when someone Giggles at me about my way of speech, how I talk to fast, how my penmanship is below avrage, at the end he ask me that if I have any questions be we leave, I just..... let it all out. I didn't bawl my eyes out, just let my tears fall out after keeping it in for this long time. After The Specialist got me some tissue and let me calm down a bit, he told me that I was brave for letting my emotions out. He says that his other students usually keep their emotions inside, let them bottle up inside. Only a few has courage to let out your feeling about their disorder.

He showed me this diagram of a Iceberg, when the smallest part this is above the water is my symptoms, the way I talk, the Cluttering, Studdering, all that stuff. The rest of the iceberg that is submerged underwater arey feelings and emotions. The below icebergs are my fears of talking to people because of the fear of opinion. My disorder is possibly the biggest hurdle I have to jump, since I had it ever since I was little. I want to succeed High School so I can be the First of my families Generation to go to Collage. I want a high paying job so I can help pay the house for my family. And finally, I want to make my mom proud, the only parent that sticked with me ever since I was blessed onto this world we live in.

I'm still crying after finishing this blog. Not out of sadness, but with happiness, that I have the right diagnosis for my disorder, and a way to help me get rid of it. I don't want to be afraid of talking in front of people because of what they say about my ways of talking. I want to get into my dream job, and the only thing that is blocking it, is my Cluttering. I want to help myself to get better, to improve. I know I can't be perfect, no one can't. I'm only improving my talking capabilities, nothing else.

I'm not depress about this, I'm really happy actually. To have something break this Wall of Fear that is blocking my true potential, that has been controlling the way I speak, what I want to say, and much of loner it wants me to be. But I got support, from my friends, my Specialist, and especially my Mother.

Sigh That is all I have to talk about. This is another place for me to be safe, talk to friends, help me wind down after a long day. I don't know what else there is say here, but this:

I love you all. For being my fri- no, something bigger, for being like another family to me. Might sound strange, but it's true.

I might of stretched this a bit to long, but I do not care. I want to unloaded my feeling onto this whole blog. I don't care if you all reply to this, I feel better that I put everything that has been bottled up inside me onto the blog.

That is it for now, until later.

Your's Truly, GoldenWright. *Tips Hat*