Fictions in the making

I'm working on some fics, both on the site and on my computer, they vary from the cliche human+portal=Equestria, to new original ideas. I may not be the best of writers, but I do research on how to improve my writing, found a writer chart on some page, that will most certainly come in handy, also changing my style from;

I walked through the dark forest, trying not to make a sound, every shadow could be hiding a danger. The whole night I kept walking, I didn't dare to stop, not even to rest, exhausted I collapsed on the ground.
(Bill)
"Look who's finally awake!"
(Will)
"What, where am I?"

Get it? Every name is a dialogue tag in itself, and when you have seven spoken lines in a dialogue, or more, those names become repetitious. The fics that uses this style, will be finished. In the ones who does not have it, and future ones, this will be avoided. By avoiding it I can make everything more detailed, dialogues most of all.
With my style of dialogues, it becomes similar to a Bethesda game, emotionless faces, and npc moods is up for player interpretation, he said I should stop shouting, but he probably said it with a smile.
"Stop that shouting, it's scaring the citizens!" The guard said angrily. (That sounds/reads so much better)

I tried to write novel style, without the novel spice..

I forgot how to write...