Well this is saddening... · 6:52am Nov 26th, 2014
Recently a friend on DA has been feeling blue, and one part got me a little surprised;
Why do I like ponies? They keep me from feeling... suicidal, There I said it I feel suicidal. Ponies keep me happy, seeing them prance around in their perfect world makes me happy, having their problems solved in a matter of 10 minutes... While in the real world my problems have been going on forever...
It brung so much memories of how my life used to be harsh, so I decided to post a comment;
This is just all familiar. I remember back when I really had no friends always moving to new homes, causing nothing but trouble. Used to be poor.
Those times when I get bullied for playing "power rangers" back at elementary, fought others, get beaten.
Parents never married, but they seperated themselves from each other when I was 6. I lived with my mother for years but we moved to new homes constantly, it made me lonely and antisocial to other people (except my siblings). Then I finally gotten kicked out from school and moved in with my dad. Then back to my mom, then to him again.
Gotten embarrassed in so many cases. My dad used to put me down for being "fat", losing fights, or not using my "common sense". Half of the things I don't remember but I knew it was bad.6th grade...the worse, it was when I was about 10-11. People wanted to jump me because I said a few words, thoughts of suicide flooded my head ever since the 4th grade. Hated myself for all the stupid things I have done. Then there were times where I become the bully.
Bullying was a routine at 7th grade, been called "cheap", weird, abnormal so many times (even by my own family).
The next year changed to the brighter, but the first couple months was rough. Finally confessed of how I used to be suicidal, became the talk of the school, still got bullied anyways...
What always kept me from suicide this whole time...well, it was MLP but what changed my life was when I met somebody at 8th grade. She was the most caring person I knew in my whole life, yet I was a hard-headed jack-ass and...I was being a douche to her (never liked hearing that). I wanted to tell her how she affected my life but i was shy...First year of high school (the most recent), it's starting to come back to me. All the thoughts of suicide, and my more recent actions have guilt me. High school was now making things worse, I get scolded for getting C's and possibly B-'s. Started to get in the habit of crying myself to sleep...
Hated home, gives me stress and grief. I always wanted one, just at least one day of being happy...with no worries. Just me and my friends.
I always thought to myself that I deserve all this sadness and pain, because I had always hated myself.
So yeah, you're not alone on this kind of thing.
And I thought to myself, thinking "I deserve pain, it's my sentence for everything I have done in life."
*hug*
2617157
I...thanks.