• Member Since 14th May, 2013
  • offline last seen March 11th



More Blog Posts73

  • 315 weeks

    I really want to get re-involved into this community so baaaaaadly.
    It's been years!

    edit: it' 2019 now.....fuuuuuuuuuu-

    0 comments · 329 views
  • 392 weeks
    Real Busy for this whole time

    I've been doing a lot of stuff lately, I can see why people say they're busy all the time. I'm doing some stuff in DA as I'm enduring High School.
    Had some depressing moments here and there but I managed. I'm rather neutral now, just tired from doing all-nighters with studying and art commissions.

    Read More

    0 comments · 301 views
  • 401 weeks
    Yay, I'm now called Oniichan

    Since I haven't updated in such a long time in anything, and this like a great excuse to at least do something here.

    Most of my activity has been done in DeviantArt, you can find me as the one and only MeowMadness.

    Read More

    0 comments · 236 views
  • 421 weeks
    Reactions to Latest MLP episodes so far

    Cutie Map pt 1: oh....Auswitch
    Cutie Map pt2: Nevermind, welcome to North Korea

    Castle Sweet Castle: you fucked up the tree

    Bloom and Gloom: Confusion...

    Tanks for the Memories: scream and shout then cry.

    0 comments · 256 views
  • 426 weeks
    Another Toll

    Death#6: Keshon Brooks. A fellow freshmen who got repeatedly stabbed and died near my old middle school. Never knew as much but it caused huge things to happen at high school.

    0 comments · 273 views

Well this is saddening... · 6:52am Nov 26th, 2014

Recently a friend on DA has been feeling blue, and one part got me a little surprised;

Why do I like ponies? They keep me from feeling... suicidal, There I said it I feel suicidal. Ponies keep me happy, seeing them prance around in their perfect world makes me happy, having their problems solved in a matter of 10 minutes... While in the real world my problems have been going on forever...

It brung so much memories of how my life used to be harsh, so I decided to post a comment;

This is just all familiar. I remember back when I really had no friends always moving to new homes, causing nothing but trouble. Used to be poor.
Those times when I get bullied for playing "power rangers" back at elementary, fought others, get beaten.
Parents never married, but they seperated themselves from each other when I was 6. I lived with my mother for years but we moved to new homes constantly, it made me lonely and antisocial to other people (except my siblings). Then I finally gotten kicked out from school and moved in with my dad. Then back to my mom, then to him again.
Gotten embarrassed in so many cases. My dad used to put me down for being "fat", losing fights, or not using my "common sense". Half of the things I don't remember but I knew it was bad.

6th grade...the worse, it was when I was about 10-11. People wanted to jump me because I said a few words, thoughts of suicide flooded my head ever since the 4th grade. Hated myself for all the stupid things I have done. Then there were times where I become the bully.
Bullying was a routine at 7th grade, been called "cheap", weird, abnormal so many times (even by my own family).
The next year changed to the brighter, but the first couple months was rough. Finally confessed of how I used to be suicidal, became the talk of the school, still got bullied anyways...
What always kept me from suicide this whole time...well, it was MLP but what changed my life was when I met somebody at 8th grade. She was the most caring person I knew in my whole life, yet I was a hard-headed jack-ass and...I was being a douche to her (never liked hearing that). I wanted to tell her how she affected my life but i was shy...

First year of high school (the most recent), it's starting to come back to me. All the thoughts of suicide, and my more recent actions have guilt me. High school was now making things worse, I get scolded for getting C's and possibly B-'s. Started to get in the habit of crying myself to sleep...
Hated home, gives me stress and grief. I always wanted one, just at least one day of being happy...with no worries. Just me and my friends.
I always thought to myself that I deserve all this sadness and pain, because I had always hated myself.
So yeah, you're not alone on this kind of thing.

And I thought to myself, thinking "I deserve pain, it's my sentence for everything I have done in life."

Report SIR OM NOM NOM · 270 views ·
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