All about me (trigger warning: I may be insane)

Hello, stranger! My username is "Affinityblox" so I expect that to be what I am known as. I actually went ahead to secure the username "hoofwall" on every website I think I could or would care about in the future(except for youtube, since it was taken. qq. I snagged "hoofwalls" instead) but I told somepony somewhere that if I ever start writing to feed a FiMfiction account that I would do so under this alias, so here we go. I think having two FiMfiction accounts is illegal, but I do not foresee myself ever using my "hoofwall" account for anything considering what type of content I would create, here... I hope that makes it okay. When I start writing consistently I expect my other aliases I have gone by and will go by to pop up and confuse all, but that is okay and good, to me, since I hate names anyway because reasons. Enjoying me and/ or my content will be enough.

I do not write today and maybe will not in the near future... sorry. When I do start though(and I plan on doing so eventually) I will probably write about really dark stuff, and the literal stuff of my dreams. But, that reminds me of something I should probably get out of the way immediately. I hate humans. Like, I REALLY hate humans. The appearance, reference, or existence of a human in any medium with ponies in it that I would otherwise enjoy would be ruined, to me. It is really quite awful. I have many coping mechanisms to cope with everything, but the one that explains everything since everything is a consequence of it is that I correlate good with ponies... and evil to humans. It is really fucked??? When I close my eyes I am a pony. If I consider a human in my dreams or otherwise it is considered a nightmare in every regard. I love my psyche, but it will never be innocuous or pleasant for all parties. I once intended to make the first fanfic I put out be one that embodies my hatred for humans and my love for ponies, and it'd have been over 40k words probably(at the time I started trying to ascribe prose to everything in my mind to enable me to write, which I did, in greentext, on 4chan's pony board, all works of which I am ashamed of today, and it felt like this would have pushed 40k words), but today that would be impossible... the time when I considered that was a phase where actually actively felt hate towards humans. At some point my hate for the human reached an impossible point where I repressed EVERYTHING in the world including my perception of the world to allow myself to literally open my eyes and acknowledge my existence in this world without being impossibly mad at everything since I've correlated it all to humanity, and it was crippling being that insane so I sought ways to repress my hate for humanity. I figured one can only be mad at those from whom they expect better, and I could never expect anything from the human, so, humans just don't exist to me anymore. Take that as you will. This mindset defines my psyche.

I am not really good with opinions, anymore. Many have called me narcissistic. It was really annoying, seeing as I actively tried to defend my opinions and destroy dissenting ones, but my voice was never heeded. But anyway, forget humans, forever, when it comes to me. I am just saying that I can't really comprehend opinions, anymore. If you have anything to say to me and say it to me, I may be able to grasp it fully. But I could probably never take it to heart since I am really fucked in the head, today. Like, I see what you are saying, but I would have to translate what you say in such a way that it agrees with my subconscious since your opinion is a human opinion, and if I can't my understanding of your words will be incredibly shallow. Basically, when I respond to anything I am talking to myself, unless I hate the anything I am responding to.

I really enjoy dark content... I am infinitely more masochistic than I am sadistic, but I enjoy and will probably write about both a whole lot. I much prefer second person writing over third person, seeing as it fuels my pony-related dreams the best since otherwise my capacity for sympathy is confused, but poetry in the second person can only go so far. It is crippling to limit the evoking of emotion to mediums where you perceive said emotion in second person. You can only be so much, at least on the face of it. One could argue that since third person writing evokes emotion just as second person that third person could be indulged in as if it were second person without warping perception at all but that's not true. The distinction between being and sympathizing with something but your understanding of being is important. The universe triggers emotion in myself. I am not the universe, nor do I want to be the universe as distinguished from the pony I identify as. A quantification of the self provides a basis through which all emotion can be experienced. Third person does not quantify me. It is a consequence of my having already been quantified. One could try to create a universe to act as a host for a second person fic without delving into literal second person content but without actually correlating an onlooker's understanding of being to said universe there will always be the missing variable of being. Everything that exists in that universe will trigger emotion from an as of yet undefined understanding of being. In any case though, I'm sure a large chunk of my content will be sadistic, even though I much prefer masochism. A universe is a prerequisite to occupying a body.

My fetishes are mostly... corporeal? I do not remember many of these convenient "big words" I have been exposed to that embody curiously specific concepts at all... but what I mean is, most of my fetishes are about the body. I fetishize literally everything about the pony, seeing as I worship the pony. If you can conceive a fetish pertaining to ponies, I've got it, I'm pretty sure. If I ever get big one day, please don't hesitate to introduce me to a fetish of yours you want me to create content on! I used to be big on trying to gain every fetish I could, but it has to be pony-related, unfortunately. I cannot sympathize with anything else. My interest in the pony "Screw Loose" has started to make me consider dogs, though. Maybe that is the crack in my psyche that is just waiting to be blown open? Who knows. I've always had a soft spot for feral animals. Only really fur, though, but I respect scalies.

Oh, also, I'm socially retarded. Maybe that was obvious given my total lack of sympathy for humans, which it appears I'd have been born with if I were simply normal. I had to learn even the most basic things required to do anything. I was 14 years old when I first realized that heresy is a valid option. Before then I thought thinking for myself was not allowed. It was really depressing shit. I don't want to talk about it, here. I will somewhere else, later...

Because I am socially retarded, I cannot really do content that requires... not being socially retarded. I love diapers and ageplay etc., but that is the stuff I am the most scared of ever touching conceptually because it is just full-on roleplay. I can't roleplay. I can't even engage in conversation unless I am exclusively exchanging explicit data. I do not know why I have the capacity to understand metaphors, similes, hyperbole, litotes and general rhetoric like I do. Many autistic people- among which I consider myself- are not born with that capacity. I do not wish to make them feel excluded in my work since they are among the most likely to be my comrades, truly, but I am writing this blog post on my FiMfiction account that is to be dedicated to my attempts at borderline poetry. I was always of the opinion that the best prose is that which takes your subconscious and forces it to become correlated to the most creative of things in the most creative of ways. I hope to one day be able to make nearly every sentence I string be a metaphor or something similar. This is not the place for a mind which cannot grasp metaphor... I am sorry. We can exchange ideas elsewhere in a more practical fashion.

The ponies in my fanfics will likely retain the following archetype unless I am writing about a specific iteration of Equestria:

-They are omnivores
-They are 5.5 feet-ish tall (I don't know. I tried to create a pony tulpa once, and she was shorter than me by a bit. I've grown taller since then, but have not done any exploration is the tulpa front since I first tried to make one. Maybe they are taller, now... probably so.)
-Their hind leg joints are very distinct, with the "knee" joint being closer to the ground than the "ankle" joint, where pony joints are defined as the "toe," "ankle," and "knee" in order from the one farthest from the hip to the closest (I call the "toe" joint the "hoof" to make myself feel better)
-Stallions have really hyper horsecocks. Like, 22 inches long on average, maybe. I've had dreams of all-the-way-through fetishism where the flare would just poke out of either end of the pony, depending on where you entered. They are that long on average relative to the pony, I think. My dreams are kind of vague, sorry. They will get more defined when I start writing, since I will be writing of my dreams.
-Stallion cocks have modest(but always larger in girth than the shaft) balls to match unless otherwise stated.
-All mares have feral genitalia, including teats(none of this will never change unless the pony simply does not have any naughty bits, but I might only feel comfortable doing this if it is fetish content, as the ponies of my dreams all have genitalia, naturally)
-All ponies have genitalia
-Proportions of all ponies are of that of the ones I draw (if I get to drawing one day!!! I hope I do. I am a huge hyper fetishist so their proportions are really fun, to me. I don't think I will ever be able to write of a pony that doesn't look like the ones I dream about, so maybe I should try to draw before I formally start writing for this account...)
-All horsecocks are always flared even when only half-erect (I think this has to do with my hyper fetishism. I actually don't find a horsecock hot at all if it's not flared, and flared obscenely. I was really disappointed when I found out that horsecocks are only flared when they are about to orgasm! But then again, a horse's sexual stamina is mere seconds, so maybe that period relative to how long they last is decent. In any case, my dreams do not give a fuck.)
-All ponies have the sexual stamina of a human unless they're an odd case (as much as I hate to mention humans in any form, this is the easiest way to describe this)
-All stallions ejaculate a gross amount, and their cum is always viscous as fuck
-Mare sexual secretion is like that of a feral mare
-Pony ears are noticeable larger than they are in Friendship is Magic
-Ponies may randomly have shark teeth rather than normal teeth depending on my mood (do not expect this too often but rather, if I am writing of a new iteration of Equestria, do not be surprised if somepony has shark teeth. Think "Scanty" or "Kneesocks" from PSG shark teeth, minus the odd tooth sticking up or down[that has never been my thing])
-Pony wings are /significantly/ larger than they are in FiM. When standing on one's hind legs a pegasus' wings should be millimeters or centimeters away from if not actually touching the ground, and their wingspan should be glorious.
-All nipples are fuckable
-Mares may randomly have Milky-esque* crotchtits, or more modest ones as a feral mare. The latter will always be standard.
-Mares may randomly have six teats (do not expect this very often. In my mind this is a concept exclusive to Applejack almost all the time. I have ascribed this trait to one other pony, once. a pink one. She was just fabricated to lay on another pony since I wanted a fat pony to rest on another pony in a daydream once, but it was the OC Buttermilk, and her [Milky-esque] teats were making it awkward. So I created this OC I never thought of again until this very instance)
-Mare teats have areolas and occasionally enough, "mosquito-bite nipples" (I still find this term hilarious, though I've only heard it once. They're only on the areolas of my ponies much of the time, though)
-All ponies have bellybuttons (almost exclusively innies)
-The size of foals might randomly vary between the tiny Friendship is Magic foal to an actual feral foal. This is still up in the air, for me. My hyper pregnancy fetish will not work unless foals are rather big relative to their mothers at birth, but I have had dreams of FiM fillies before. It is a sad situation. I don't even know how a feral-foal-turned-cartoon would look like. and how they would grow. Maybe I will just make foals bigger... that would ruin a lot, though. Altogether, I am saying this territory is almost entirely undefined, for me. Expect anything, but it will be easy for me to write of FiM's fillies. Their form and breadth in every regard is defined for me already.
-Hyper everything (cum, milk, inflation, all-the-way-through, that sort of stuff. If there is something in my fanfic, expect it to be extreme.)
-All hooves are very sensitive.
-As long as a hoof is touching something, it can grasp it with ease. A pony can hang onto a ledge with but the smallest part of their hoof touching the ledge in my dreams. Letting go of and grabbing objects is entirely up to the whim of the pony to whom the hoof belongs. If a hoof is dismembered, it can no longer grasp anything.
-All ponies have tail docks (the tail docks of my dreams are very small because I did not realize how long and big they are on the feral pony while I was trying to create a pony tulpa, and not only do I not have one now but I do not know how to explore the possible dimensions of feral pony tail docks. For my ponies, they exist, though.)
-Mare bits are really immodest (pony assholes ["ponuts"] are just as well), and teats are never just flat
-Pony genitalia is almost always just the coat color of a pony, but darker if not onyx. Mare teats follow the same rule unless they are Milky-esque, in which case they are simply the color of the pony's coat. (I have yet to conceive a pony with Milky-esque teats where they have genitalia that isn't the same color as their coat)
-All ponies perceive pain completely (If a pony gets their leg broken, they feel all of the pain for an indeterminate amount of time. No adrenaline-obfuscating bullshit. Even if I didn't know jack shit about anatomy I would likely tend this way just because of my propensity to hyper)
-Ponies may vary between estrus cycles and menstrual cycles depending on the iteration of Equestria
-Ponies may very between treating Celestia as a certain god and Chrysalis as the antithesis of that god (oops)

My concentration was broken by something in real life but this might be it. It is a long list. I expect most of what I produce to be fetish material, even if it is not actually written to be fetishistic. Consciously. I will almost certainly never just up and write a tame, whimsical story on ponies hanging out with one another or life in Equestria or something... it is not like I have the capacity to write of that even if I wanted, anyway. My writing style strives to worship perception itself since I can't really do anything else... I apologize if my writing ever started to be really personal, or something. I write of my dreams and literal daydreams, so it is very easy to lose myself to whatever my mind wants to focus on at any given time. Oh, and since I'm socially retarded I can't do dialogue. I am really scared to do dialogue. The only dialogue I can do is dialogue where the characters speaking are saturated by dark concepts, since I can understand that. I don't think I will ever be able to write Applejack, too, though, for whatever reason. Seriously, expect any Applejack I write about to never talk. Sorry.

I wrote this because I was fucking bored and I spent all of three days on Reddit and one day on imgur before getting too mad to continue posting or lurking. I even started posting comments on youtube(on an old account, not "hoofwalls") and actually getting replies was what made me think, "fuck this shit."

Oh, also, for the record, if you enjoy any of the content I create I will appreciate your love... you don't have to leave feedback or express that love to me, but I thank you, hypothetical users who indulge in my content, for indulging in my content. It's not like we could have been friends, anyway... I give data, and I receive data. That would be the breadth of our friendship...

* "Milky" is the name of a pony OC, the full name of whom is "Milky Way." She has become an icon in this fandom for bloated crotchtits!

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Sorry your plans apparently didn't work out. I hope it's because you moved on to something better.