Im a banana (apaprently) · 12:57am Nov 21st, 2014
The title makes sense. honest. Its all to do with some painkiller.s Basically i had a bad headache, part of a rash of stress-sicknesses ive been having these last few days. I took a brand of ibuprofen id never tried before. End result? I suddenly develop a lethargy thats off the scale of madness. I was so out of it i apparently (according to my co workers), declared i was a BANANA. I was tripping, more or less. Once i was able to walk they sent me home, after which i passed out for 15 solid hours. Weirdest sh*t EVER.
So yeah, feeling a bit off kilter. In the chaos, i forgot about the delivery. i got a text message from the courier company that's delivering my computer. Its coming TOMORROW. *Sighs* given what I've put into selecting the best one i could, you'd think id be happy. But right now all i can do is cry. I'm exhausted. My disability, my problems, means ill NEVER be free from them. People keep saying "just stand up to them, tell them to buzz off". They don't know what its LIKE. Kids are practically engineered to love their parents and seek their approval, even to the extent where it HURTS. I cant override it that easily. There's this underlying anger that Ive always had to fight so damn hard to get anything from them. I just want what...i guess feel like I've EARNED after everything I've put up with.
I got told i GOT the 6 month paid placement I've been working towards. So why am i unhappy? Because I'm terrified. What if i mess up? Its been 2 years since the diagnosis, and I'm still struggling to figure it out. Where's the line where my independence ends, and i NEED support? i don't know. How much can i tell somebody before they realize im a freak?
