Canceled Rage Review: Spikey Wikey · 12:37am Nov 21st, 2014
Yo, it's me, artificialflower.
...I don't believe I ever added it to the group. This review was cancelled due to me lacking any desire to come back to the story and finish the review and I was also pretty delirious when I wrote it.
Just to be clear, this blog post contains no NSFW content. 
Rage Review: Spikey Wikey
So this review is going to be a little bit different. I'm not going to quote anything and I'm not going to say very much about the rape part. I honestly don't feel like that discussion needs to be started back up again. And I'm not going to put in very many images.
Chapter 1: Drunk Rarity
Huh, this actually isn't terribly written. It's mostly grammatically correct, which is more than I can say for a lot of clop that doesn't have a plot. But wait, doesn't it have a plot? Well, it technically does, but it's just a weak excuse for torture clop, so that's that.
And he's raping Rarity within a few paragraphs. Also, Spike no longer has emotions. He ends up raping her so hard that she vomits and dies, all while he spews (pun not intended, but I'm rolling with it) terrible dialog that makes this a failure at being anywhere close to sexy. It wouldn't be so bad if the dialog wasn't so terrible! My only advice to the author: Don't look to porn for how to write dialog. And honestly, the descriptions in the clop part are kind of lackluster. It's mostly just "his virgin cock"and nothing else.
And then he rapes her corpse! If this story is supposed to be disgusting, it really is failing. I'm not impressed. And then Sweetie Belle walks in and he burns her face of because he can (might have been disturbing if it was described better) while saying more terrible dialog! And then, he rapes her too! Spike has no emotions in this, does he? In fact, none of them really have any characterization. And then he kills her and rapes her corpse. This scene has a kind of deja vu feeling because Rarity's was too similar. Again, kills any potential interest. Honestly, just changing the setting and context a bit, and using descriptions other than wet, warm, and virgin would do this scene wonders.
This story is shit, but it's not as bad as everyone makes it out to be so far. It mostly seems to be a low-quality clop fic with a bunch of things thrown in for shock factor.
I would give it more than one of these if I could.
While no romance is technically present, it gives me this vibe.
Are we supposed to buy that Spike would suddenly go on a rape and murder spree?
I felt like I was going to vomit while reading this...but not because of the content that earns it this badge. I'm actually really sick and probably should be resting instead of writing rage reviews.
SPIKE, I'M LOOKING AT YOU
Seems to be the case.
Spike turning into a heartless monster overnight, Rarity getting drunk for seemingly no reason other than for Spike to rape her.
Oh man, it's so close to earning Reader's Bane... It fulfills 3,4, and 6.
Have a nice picture and some calming music before we head on into the next chapter.
Uh... wrong image.
That's better.
I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CALMING MUSIC!
I was going to go with Xion's theme, but I like Vector To The Heavens more, so I went with it instead. Nevermind that it's boss fight music. Oh yeah, this reminds me. I need to buy a new copy of 358/2 Days. I don't think I'm ever going to get my original one back and it's probably my favorite game in the series. I was extremely disappointed when it was reduced to nothing more than a bunch of cutscenes for 1.5 Remix... I really should stop going on tangents like this.
Now back on to the story!
Chapter 2: Trusting Twilight
Hey, it looks like Spike has some emotions! But then he decides "It's time to rape Twilight, because why not" and all his emotions vanish. That's a big problem with this fic, and it's not going to go away, is it?
Why does he have a medical bag and an xacto knife? This is Equestria, not Earth. (WISH FULFILLMENT INTENSIFIES) Then after getting the stuff he's going to use on Twilight, he has emotions again! But he quickly gets rid of them.
He then drugs Twilight, and cuts her up. This scene is unnecessarily lengthened and honestly doesn't add too much. And this version of Spike is a sadistic bastard who plans to wait until his drugs wear off to rape her, just because he wants to hear her scream. This still isn't too disturbing and is mostly just bland, uninspired and annoying.
The sex has more description to it, but is still bland and emotionless. And there's still an odd obsession with virginity. Like, seriously, what does it add to this fic? NOTHING WHATSOEVER. And there's still terrible dialog. And Spike's guilt has turned into arousal now. WTF. And he ate part of Twilight. Eh, I've seen worse. And then he continues with the rape. Again, it's bland and emotionless. And cuts out her eyes. He then cuts her open and eats her intestines.
Haha. This really isn't that impressive. If you want to shock me, you'll have to try harder.
I hope the abortion-by-cock chapter will actually give me something to rage about.
Chapter 3: Apple Family Values
So, now he has a cave and hides in it!
The chapter starts with him having sex with Rarity's decomposing head. Shock value: none. Arousal value: probably less than none. It's decomposing.
And then he drugs Big Mac, who then rapes Applejack. Wait... what? This is honestly the most normal sex scene of the bunch. And it's a little bit more emotional. There's actually some improvement in this? I might have to lower the rage!
Then Spike rapes Apple Bloom in an extremely emotionless and predictable turn of events. Honestly, Spike is just bland, no matter how much the author tries to turn him into a sex-driven killing machine. Is it wrong that I'm envisioning Spike from Buffy instead of Spike the dragon for this? It's still significantly OOC, but it's actually a bit more disturbing.
Then Spike is done raping Apple Bloom for now and Big Mac is done with Applejack, so they switch. And everything is bland and emotionless. Did I hallucinate that bit of emotion earlier or something?
And Spike suddenly sprouts wings and a second penis while doing this! (WISH FULFILLMENT HAS REACHED DANGEROUS LEVELS)
Big Mac's dick then pretty much rips Apple Bloom's insides apart. Gory, but not disturbing. Honestly, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is gorier. And better in pretty much every way. But it's also not clop and not pony related, so back to the story.
If you want to make something like this disturbing, you need emotions! Especially a feeling of helplessness, which writing from the victim's perspective would easily provide.
Big Mac then kills Apple Bloom and teams up with Spike to kill Applejack.
Big Mac is then incapacitated by the drug and Spike rapes him for a bit. Then Fluttershy comes in and Spike quickly runs, framing Big Mac. This plot point adds nothing and is just kind of stupid. This is blatant porn without plot. Don't try to disguise it as something else.
This chapter was much more of a normal clopfic. Nothing special here.
Chapter 4: Party With PinkieIn Which Celestia Kills Spike And Ends This
I wish that was what happened.
This chapter starts just like how the last one did, except that it's mostly just glanced over.
He then arbitrarily decides that it's time to rape Pinkie, so he goes to Sugarcube Corner. Surprisingly, instead of mourning, he finds her masturbating. Okay, that's odd, even for this story.
Then after some horribly written dialog, Pinkie has consensual sex with Spike. Wait, what? I thought this was a rape fic. There's bondage, but nothing special... and Spike leaves before anything can really start. That was... surprising. At least be consistent with your terrible version of Spike! He then goes over and rapes Mrs. Cake a little. He then ties her up with Pinkie's restraints and goes to find Mr. Cake. Why does Pinkie have all this stuff anyway? You can't just put this in out of nowhere! And
I know I didn't complain about this with Twilight, but that was only because I was too busy complaining about the knife.
He then rapes Mr. Cake and ties him up. It's still as bland and emotionless as ever. Why do people even get so worked up about this fic? It's mostly just boring.
Spike then rapes the babies to death in front of the Cakes and Pinkie. It was a perfect opportunity for adding some emotion to this, but it was completely missed. And Pinkie vomited, apparently. Man, this fic is boring. It's either bland plot or poorly written sex scenes. I'm determined to finish it though. Spike then breaks Mrs. Cake's neck and kills Mr. Cake by shoving a dead baby down his throat. I'm honestly unimpressed by this. It's just boring, bland and STUPID. I can't even find Spike's horrible dialog funny anymore.
He then rapes Pinkie and skins her while she's still alive. Nothing special or particularly disturbing here. This fic is really disappointing. I expected it to be more enraging.
Spike then rapes her again and roasts her. Pinkie's probably supposed to come across as incredibly scared, but it doesn't quite work. She's only slightly less emotionless than the others.
He then rapes and partially eats the now dead Pinkie. He then brings the corpses back to his cave. Is this supposed to be disturbing? If that is the case, it fails miserably. Is it supposed to be arousing? Probably, but it's failing miserably. Even if I was into all of these things, it's just not written well enough.
UGH THERE'S STILL HALF OF THIS SHIT LEFT.
Yeah, this has stopped really making me angry.
Chapter 5: Two For One Deal
Just like most of the other chapters, it starts with Spike in his cave. He then goes to Fluttershy's house, but she was being guarded, so he goes and finds two other dragons to assist in his raping.
They take out Fluttershy's guards, kidnap her and a bunch of animals and then they head over to Rainbow Dash's house, where they kidnap her and Scootaloo. They do all of this surprisingly easily.
The grammar and spelling also get a lot worse around here.
He then has Fluttershy have sex with Sweetie's corpse and has a terribly written conversation with Rainbow Dash that made me rage quit for a little. Do you want to know why? It's because it points out that everyone is extremely OOC and acting implausibly. POINTING OUT YOUR PROBLEMS IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR SOLVING THEM. All 3 dragons then rape Rainbow, and surprisingly don't kill her. Then Spike rapes Fluttershy and threatens to rape Scootaloo if she doesn't comply.
He then forces Fluttershy to kill several of the kidnapped animals (again, missing a chance to have an emotional scene) and then one of the other dragons rapes her again. And then Spike rapes Rainbow again.
Fluttershy then kills some more animals and grows a dick, there's more bland sex, she's forced to kill Rainbow and then she has sex with Scootaloo. It's honestly not worth covering in more detail. And, one of the other dragons is killed. And Fluttershy is apparently enjoying this. What the fuck is wrong with this fic? I don't find it that bad, but even I have to admit this is messed up. And no reasoning is given as to why Fluttershy is acting like this. I suspect that the author just didn't want to kill off their favorite mane six member. She even survives until the end, apparently. Oh yeah, this kills Scootaloo too. Almost forgot to mention that. It's still emotionless, bland and boring, so it's not like I care. Well, at least this is nearly over. Just three more chapters!
The RAGE IS BACK! This chapter actually made me angry! Well, it's only 70%, but it's still something.
(Also, this is the longest chapter, but the shortest review. It's kind of hard to say anything new when most of the chapters have the same problems.)
Chapter 6: Interlude
YAY IT'S A SHORT CHAPTER.
So I'm just going to summarize it quickly because I honestly don't feel like going through it in any sort of detail. I kind of have a headache and this fic isn't helping.
So, they (Fluttershy included) head to Zecora's to get potions because Spike wants to rape Luna, Cadance, and Celestia. They then rape and murder Lyra because she was there. Then they break all logic and somehow shove all of Lyra inside Zecora. Whole. After that's done with, Spike gets drugged and raped. Yeah, there's actually less going on in this chapter, but it gets described a bit more. And it's still totally emotionless. And where's the AU tag on this? just noticed now that it doesn't have one.
All potential emotional and/or disturbing moments are handled in a way that makes them almost laughable. Why does this story scare people? Why does it disturb them? It's just a miserable attempt at generating shock value and catering to the author's own desires. Nothing more, nothing less. At least this chapter was less formulaic.
Remember what Raine said about lame shockfics that lack any effort? I think Spikey-Wikey is one of those shockfics that tries to be like 120 Days of Blueblood, Sweet Apple Massacre, and so forth, only without its long lasting effect. Honestly, a 70% rage level is a bit too generous in terms of a shockfic that doesn't actually work.
2607559 I don't find any of those even remotely shocking.