SHAMELESS FAKE ADVERTISEMENT

GREETINGS FLESHWAKERS
DO YOU MISS THE FEELING OF COLD STEEL? DOES YOUR POSTERIOR QUAVER IN ANTICIPATION OF BEING PIERCED WITH A SHARP POINTY IMPLEMENT? WAIT NO MORE, FOR NOW YOU ARE PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF ORDERING PROFESSIONAL BUTTSTABBING SERVICES WITH YOUR HARDLY EARNED BANK NOTES PROMISED TO YOU BY YOUR SENIOR RELATIONS AS HUSH MONEY FOR NOT TELLING THE POLICE WHERE THE BODIES ARE
ENJOY THE FULL GLUTESHANKING EXPERIENCE FROM START TO FINISH WITH DELIGHTFULLY AGONISING SLOWNESS AS SEVERAL INCHES OF LOW QUALITY, NOT-QUITE-UNFROZEN METAL COMPLETES ITS JOURNEY TO THE HEART OF YOUR ASSCHEEK
STATE WITH CONFIDENCE TO YOUR PEERS THAT YOU RECEIVED THE BEST WORST MOST MEMORABLE EXPERIENCE OF YOUR TEENAGE HEARTTHROB YEARS AND NEVER AGAIN SUFFER THE BITTER PAIN OF REJECTION AND SPITE FROM THOSE WHO ONLY CLAIM TO BE YOUR STAUNCHEST COMPANIONS
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? NUDGE YOUR PALLID DECOMPOSING CORPSE TO THE TELEGRAM AND WIRE IN FOR PROFESSIONAL BUTTSTABBING SERVICES TODAY OR TOMORROW OR SOME TIME AFTER THAT