StallionMate excerpt · 3:31pm Jun 6th, 2012
***Television broadcast***
Recently, a new pony dating site has arisen, Pon-Eharmony, where ponies are matched with other ponies that fit their personality types.
"I found that it was a wonderful experience. Everypony was respectful, polite, and were more than happy to send pictures of their penis after the first message or two!" says Twilight Sparkle, recently happily married, thanks to Pon-Eharmony.
But what's to great about this site? Does it really do much? Curious, I took the personality test And instantly came up with tens and dozens of matches. I messaged one of them, and this is what he had to say.
"Hey there , jmai'[m! i';m that oebde cotl thatey talked aobiuyt on ytv httao ne tie2m. I enjyo log jwalks on hthed beahc, opakyhibg frisbee iwht my oithdsxr friednds, jand typign wiht hoovese. wht odo o9iyuy lie mtoi so?"
After seeing that his stereotypical enjoyments didn't match mine, I moved on to the next colt, asking him what kind of music he was in to.
"Well that's a gr4eta qwuestion. I mosxtly lusten to be vyerhting exceojt rap. yolu knw iowhay i'nysaing? Classical, coutry, hip hop and oter wstuff."
Seeing again that he didn't match my interests, i decided to update my profile with what I do like. Publicity, stunt colts, colts in uniform, uniforms, unitards, and arguing on ponychan for no clear reason. After narrowing my search, I was left with one result; my boss here at the television studio. I swallowed my pride and memory of previous sexual harassment charges and settled into accepting that he was my true love. Here's a small transcript of what messages he and I typed back and forth:
"hellt"
"hyri!"
:hwos's ity ogin sexyt?"
"going h tgeat nd how a bout you?"
"seyx. wahnna ufkc?
"ei ugess so."
And that was when he proposed to me. And now we're married and in love. I guess it's safe to say that Pon-Eharmony is a great way to meet your future mare or stallion. From all of us here at PonyTV, good night!
I'm not sure how I should feel about that.
Is everyone really that illiterate on the website?
-Richard
Bored much?
158787 Have you tried typing with hooves?
159363 Well, I'm actually a human, but... I know how it feels.
I might have a device you could use to type for easily.
-Richard
159420 This was all meant to be a short farce about typing with hooves and how they must be literate in illiteracy in order to understand their typing. Try typing with hooves, man.
159942 I'd love to, but with hands it's impossible to do so.
I could always put on some heavy winter gloves, just to even the odds.
-Richard
160056 Well imagine as if you were a pony trying to type on a keyboard.
160206 I can undrstnd tath, but it cn be vry difuclt.
how do I uderstad wat they ar sayin agen?
-Ritcherd
Dahek did I just read?