Well....uh.. this is awkward

*Slowly enters into the room*
It's so dusty in here.... Oh jeez where do I begin

Okay, so I guess first things first... I guess I'm back-ish.
Yah, not really, but if anything I want to settle some bad things I left.

Mostly my little childish rant I left when I was all in a depressed mood.

See, the thing is that I still go to this site every now and then to read up on some new fics and what not. To see what the community can make and what imaginative stories can be made from such great minds. Then I go back to my channel and see just this....ugly stain of a blog post I made about a year or two ago. It does make me feel bad on the inside that I did something like that.

I guess I was just weak and just so jealous. I mean, when you hang around a bunch of people who have like 100 likes and so many favs, and people making fan art and the praises and then they say how much things suck for them, it really makes you think. Think that if thats what people feel when they have THAT many likes, how do they see others with even less? Do they pity us? Think of us a smaller compared to them. I tried keeping these emotions away cause I was thinking "Eh, I'm sure it's nothing. I'm overreacting." But then it just erupted into.... well that last blog post.

I realized that its rash to just act on raw emotions, especially negative ones like jealousy, to go ahead and do something like I did. I was definitely not thinking straight throughout the whole ordeal.

What I want to say is that I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for acting on that rash emotion and basically destroying the whole stories that you guys read. I'm sorry for making you guys read that....ugly blog post to be disappointed that certain things happen. And I guess I'm kinda, sorta, sorry to the chess verse. Though to be honest, I didn't really do any damage to them, I just basically had a bitch-fit on a blog post and then just left..... so there's that.

Now, I'm not exactly going back. I still don't consider myself a writer. I see writers as someone who wants that to be their dream. To have their goal be to write something amazing and have people love their writing. I see myself more like a hobbiest really. Some dude who wants to do a hobby in their break time to just do something fun.

Frank:But Trex! What if you get jealous of other peoples writing again? Will there be another bitch-fit? *Grabs popcorn*

Shuddup frank, no one likes you >.>

Frank:Dahhhhh

God I hate Frank....

As much as I hate him, though, he does have a valid point. I don't know if I will get jealous in the future or not, that's just a human thing to do, as much as we hate to admit it. We get jealous of all kinds of things like when you order a medium fry and another guy orders the same thing, yet still that jackass somehow has more fries cause he knows the cashier since middle school *twitches*

Frank:You're still mad about that? I hardly saw the difference.

GOD DAMN YOU FRANK!!! ITS SUPPOSE TO BE THE SAME SIZED FRIES! THE SAME SIZE!!!

... ahem
So yah, I don't know if I will get jealous or not in the future for a different story. I will say this though cause I have learned from this.
If I do get jealous, I'm not going to bring everything down with me. That... was a stupid mistake. Which is also why I'm not taking down that embarrassing blog post.

The thing is that I need a reminder of my mistakes to make sure I don't repeat that mistake. Those who don't understand history, are doomed to repeat it. And if I don't constantly remember my mistake, I might repeat it in a very.....embarrassing way again.

This kinda has a nostalgic feeling though, writing again. Cause I haven't done any the whole hiatus/ break from the channel. It's just been dead. I don't talk to anyone from outside the fimfic group, let alone chess-verse except for some awesome friends. which is like....two of them.

Now to put aside this quite long blog post to the status of my really old story..... Yah that's not coming back anytime soon.
For multiple reasons:
1) It's been too long, and I don't know whats going on with the Chessverse. I left that group and rather than try to crawl back to it, I'd rather leave them be to their own lives and let them enjoy there time and I enjoy my own time.
2) Motivation is to write that specific story. Just...goooooone. Like "someone through Komodo into a dark abyss filled with shadow crocodiles and just ate it all up that theres no trace of that thing coming back".....gone.

There might be a future story in the works, but that left to be seen. If anything, this is a long status update/ why I had a bitch-fit/ I'm sorry for my bitch-fit blog.

So glad to get this off my chest....