another idea · 9:08pm Mar 6th, 2013
Twilight trotted though the halls of canterlot castle. the princess of dawn and dusk was humming to herself, her wings flicking in to the beat of "life in equestria"
she had a quiery that demanded an answer. one that would not be easily found in any books or scrolls
and that ment she had to go to the source
"Princess celestia?" she asked knocking on the door to Celestias private study
"Come in twi.. i mean Princess Twilight" celestia said behind the closed door
twilight smiled and walked in "you really dont have to call me princess... i mean i really dont fit that title at all."
Celestia chuckled "very well twilight. now i know you did not come to correct me on my grammar. what can i help you with?"
"well um.. i was wondering about.. well i became a alicorn by creating magic.. what about you and luna?" twilight asked
"Well my dear twilight. it is a story of deception, changes, evolution, time shenanigens, and maybe even a little bit of luna being better at something than me."
"so you will tell me it?" twilight asked pulling out her binder to take notes
"absolutely not." celestia said
"w-what?"
"it is not my story to tell. i think you will get a better view from luna. she always did have a knack for storytelling." Celestia said returning to her papers.
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"you wish to know of.. our ascension?" luna askes the doe eyed twilight
"yes please. celestia wont tell me because she says you have a better view of the story!"
"well.. it is.. better in a way..." Luna looked up at the painting of the night sky on her roof
"sit down Twilight. and i will tell you a story that seems familiar but different at the same time." luna levitated a glass orb off of one of her shelves
luna afixed it in the northern star on her roof and the familiar plains of equestria focused into view
"long after the three tribes of equestria had the first hearths warming, equestria had gone into a tri seated government. each ambassador from the three tribes conveyed over matters of all ponykind."
"the titles given to the leaders were thus.. for the earthponies the Chancellor, for the pegasai it was Commander, and for the unicorns it was The Wizard.
and as time progressed the three ruling officials held day to day disputes between the races.. and for a while it was good. untill one day the Chancellor and Commander vanished.. a call came out for the best of the unicorns to step up and fulfill this role.
both my sister and i jumped at the chance.. it was a chance to put the blueblood family name into gems at the top of the spires of canterlot... but little did we know that by signing up and being the best.. would cause great troubles."
luna adjusted the glass orb and the scene spread all around twilight and luna.
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"And here are the best of all the unicorns. Celestia and Luna Blublood. from the blueblood clan!" the announcer said as luna and her sister stepped forward.
Celestia was looking strait at The Wizard known as Osmosis, while luna was glancing up at the three high backed chairs that in turn had two spires each.
but it was not the chairs that held her attention. it was the white balls on top of the spires
"The Elements of harmony" Osmosis said "The elements were crafted by the three clans in exchange to prevent any major events in pony history.. they are symbols of power and also of respect. the earthponies crafted the elements of laughter and honesty, pegasai loyalty and kindness, and we the unicorns crafted the most important ones.. generosity and magic."
"as soon as you sit down in your seats then we shall begin the assigning ceremony. then we shall get down to business." osmosis said sitting in the chair reserved for the Wizard "Celestia, you did admirably in the military studies.. take the commanders seat. and luna your peacetalks and ability to think outside the box has granted you the right to the chancellor seat."
both luna and celestia looked at each other. celestia nodded and sat down, luna soon following.
(this is what i have so far.. came as an idea while listening to defying gravity. will do more but for now.. need a editor to adjust my cavescrawlings)
will be editing more into it to get a sort of.. coherent idea.. at least untill the first song.
this sounds fun
895589
yes. i hope so. i may pause my other stories and work on this one..
but will need a editor to adjust a lot of my mistakes though.
First off, Capitalization is important. The Councillor (with both a capital T and a capital C) is a lot more important-sounding than the Councillor (with only a capital C.) So, you might want to make sure that you get that much right, as it stands it sounds like The Wizard is a lot more important than the Councillor.
Second, it would be a good idea to add a reason why the seats traditionally reserved for a Pegasus and an Earth pony would instead be filled by two young Unicorns instead,
unlessespecially if Osmosis has some plot regarding Supposed Unicorn Supremacy...Third, in the (theoretical) final draft of the first chapter, add a little more buildup to both Twilight asking Celestia, and Twilight asking Luna. Drawing out a scene can be (and often is,) an important part of making an interesting concept into an engaging story. Per example, you can make Twilight make some small talk with Celestia regarding Ponyville, and have Twilight hesitate before Luna's door a little, given how it is kind of a personal intrusion to just barge into someone's room uninvited.
Finally, this would make an interesting take on Blueblood's claim to nobility, or at least give a mostly-plausible family tree when involving that (not to be further described) prince (Again, notice the capitals. A prince is less important than a Prince...)
All in all, adjust the pacing on this a little and make sure your use of capitals and other grammar is correct, and you would probably have a good new story. Also, make sure you at least scan through the Writing Guide, it can only help your writing.