T'was the night before Kinishmas · 12:44am Dec 26th, 2012

T'was the night before Christmas, when all through they're house
Not a creature was stirring, at least, none created by Lauren Faust.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, (caring: something now quite rare!)
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.
Young BP was settled all snug in his bed,
While visions of ponies danced in his head.
And Hana, quite tired, sat in her Reuben's lap
He'd just fuck out her brains and they were ready for a long winter’s nap.
When out in the living room there arose such a clatter,
Rueben sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the closed door he flew like a flash,
First grabbing the nearby bat, ready for a clash.
He'd quietly opened the door, who else was in the house, he did not know
Moonlight's luster shining through a nearby window.
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a large man, sat facing the other way by the tree, drinking from a bottle of beer.
He crept up behind him, so lively and quick,
He raised the bat up and yelled out, "You came to the wrong house, you prick!".
More rapid than eagles the swung he made came,
And he struck the man as he'd turned amid yelling Reuben's name!
"Ow, you fucker! I'm not a burglar to fear!
I'm the just the unlucky asshole who got stuck as Santa this year!
Now put the bat down before I kick your ass into next fall,
Then string you up, gut you, and write with your blood on the wall!"
As Reuben put aside the bat our would-be Santa began to heave dry,
Reuben's swing had struck low, probably the reason why...
So up the man began to stand as his full height to be grew,
For the love of god, he was one big Jew!
And then, he said something that was impossible for it to hold truth.
"You know, most people would hear a dozen reindeer parked on their roof!"
"Alright, prove you're Santa." Reuben's rebuttal came around,
The large man pointed to the right where sat a large sack on the ground.
Beside that he was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
He was either Santa or a dedicated thief, that was a fact,
"I sure hope this job didn't make you sign an injury wafer contract."
His eyes held a dark tone and he gave a look not very merry.
His face became angry, showing a bright cherry.
His small, tight-lipped mouth frowned with gusto,
"I ought to kill you and bury you in the snow."
He waddled to the chair, gritting his teeth,
"Fuck, this hurts... The hell, you queef!"
Across his face he gave a broad glare,
A look that said, "Fuck with me if you dare."
Reuben remained blank faced, but likely smiled to himself,
"I doubt you came to grab BP and make him an elf."
"Oh fuck my life. Why did I get the idea I could do this in my head!"
The large man lurched forward and groaned out with such dread.
He spoke no more words, clenching his jaw, and went straight to his work,
He filled all the stockings, then looked back at the jerk.
He lifted up a specific finger in front of his face near his nose ,
And shaking his head, up the chimney he rose.
He hobbled to the sleigh after quite the spur of unluck,
He yelled at the deer, "Just go, god dammit. Fuck."
He sprang into his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
Reuben heard him exclaim something, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas you dick! If you do this to Santa next year, you better learn to hold a fight!"

I did this for fun and for Hana and Reuben, because, even through all the shit that happens, mostly my fault, I still love her like a daughter...and Reuben to a lesser extent a son.

Merry Fucking Christmas~

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