Unpopular Godzilla opinion #1

Legendary Godzilla (2014) is Far From Legendary

The monsterverse is one of the biggest marks in Godzilla history. Say what you want about it, but you can’t deny that it essentially saved Godzilla and the idea of giant monster movies. Created by Legendary Pictures, the monsterverse has gone on to spawn a wide community of both new and old fans who will always get excited whenever a new film is announced. As of this post, there’s only four movies making up the first act of the monsterverse with a second one soon to begin with the release of Godzilla vs Kong 2. 

And I gotta say, those first four movies were (mostly) golden. Kong Skull Island is a fun, action thriller with a great cast, awesome action scenes, amazing effects, and an incredible representation of both Kong and skull island. Godzilla vs Kong, while suffers with its weak characters, makes up for it with an awesome climax, the hollow Earth being a cool location, and a devilishly brutal take on Mechagodzilla. And Godzilla King of the Monsters is (in my opinion) the best out of the four.

But what about that last film, the 2014 Godzilla movie? It was the film that kicked the whole monsterverse off and it essentially reintroduced Godzilla to the American audience. It definitely had a major impact on Godzilla’s popularity, however memorability does not equal greatness. Because when you look past all of that, you realize that this film is very much not good. While it’s not the worst Godzilla movie in the franchise and I am glad that it exists, as a standalone film, this is one of the weakest entries in not just the monsterverse, but the Godzilla franchise as a whole.

Let’s get the biggest problem out of the way, this film is so BORING. 

Now, I understand that the Godzilla franchise is fairly infamous for having long drawn-out scenes of military exposition, bland human plot lines, and a load of repetition. The difference, however, is that many movies will try to make up for it with more interesting plot points such as time travel or space, introducing brand new monsters with unique designs and abilities, human action scenes involving stunts and tight choreography, and above all else, an epic climax between Godzilla and another monster. 

The 2014 film has nothing like that. 

It feels painfully slow with the focus being more so on the military and the brand new, totally original and unique, never seen before, mutos. I don’t want to talk about them right now but truth be told, they are not a good replacement for Godzilla. Nearly 80% of this 2 hour long film feels like it’s filled with nothing but science and military babble. And this greatly affects the pacing of the film. It’s two hours long, however with how slow everything is, it feels nearly doubled the length. Why they decided to make the humans and army the focus I’ll never understand. Especially with how much America loves to have non-stop action and explosions in movies like this.

Another reason as to why this film is so bland is because of the lame cast of characters. Now that’s not to say that the cast is bad, quite the opposite. Aaron Taylor Johnson, Elizabeth Olsen, Ken Watanabe, and of course Bryan Cranston, who was actually the only character that I liked in this movie. Cranston is the only one that feels like he’s putting more than one emotion in his role that’s not just look amazed and spout stuff that sounds smart. His arc and struggles were the only ones that I found interesting and made me believe that he deserved to be the main protagonist.

It’s a shame that he died…in the first 30 minutes…of this 2 hour long movie…and he was the only one I liked………goddamnit.

Enter Ford Brody, which I had to look the name up cuz this character sucks. He’s not the worst character in the movie, but for being the main protagonist, he’s pretty bad. Apart from him being a soldier for the military, we have little to no background knowledge for him and he doesn’t do anything that would make me think, “oh ok that’s why he’s the main.” His whole thing, apart from being a soldier, is for him to stand and look moderately shocked at best, which is also the same role as Serizawa. Can you name me one scene where his jaw isn’t agape, just one? I couldn’t even tell you what personality Elle Brody has as she’s just as forgettable as their freaking kid.

All these characters feel like they're merely filling the roles of an american monster movie. 

Ford Brody: Hero

Elle Brody: Woman

Serizawa: Exposition

Joe Brody: Die

Godzilla: Godzilla

Oh yeah, speaking of the Big G, let’s talk about the monsters in this movie. I’ll start off with the mutos since I have so little to say about them. They’re giant, gray, long legged, monsters…and that’s pretty much it. They look no different than Cloverfield or the tripods from the War of the Worlds remake. The EMP ability is pretty neat and there are a few tense scenes, however, no matter how hard legendary pictures will try to make these things look powerful and menacing and as the ultimate godzilla killer, they’re bland, boring monsters that stick out like a sore thumb when compared to other godzilla monsters that have more interesting designs, a wide plethora of unique abilities, and distinct characteristics that makes them stand out. 

But what about Godzilla, I mean his name was plastered all over this movie, they gave him an entirely new design and even a completely new roar (something we haven’t seen since the hanna-barbera cartoon) surely he must make up for it, right?...

Remember when I said that the humans take up 80% of this movie? Well the mutos take up 15%, while the other 5% is given to Godzilla…and half of that is just his back…

You had one job Gareth Edwards, one job.

Godzilla’s only purpose in this movie is to, once again, stand and look intimidating, and fight the mutos…oh and also pose for all those backshots. His design is also very problematic. 

I can see why this is the American godzilla, because of how chubby he is. 

Has anyone made that joke?

When you compare his design in this movie to say the Heisei or Final Wars designs, It doesn’t really do a great job at representing that character. The legs are too thick, the arms are too short, the head is weirdly small, there’s a surprising lack of teeth, the dorsal plates have been rendered to pathetic looking spikes, and there’s a major lack of color in this design. 

Going back to the other Godzilla designs, they’re able to reflect on the era or film that specific design is from. The Heisei Godzilla is large and muscular with it being Godzilla’s big return to cinema after 10 years. Final Wars Godzilla is fit yet intimidating, evoking a sense of power throughout the film. And Shin Godzilla is my sleep paralysis demon.

Here all I feel is big lizard that, rarely, shoots fire out of his mouth. To give credit where it’s due, the scenes where Godzilla use’s his atomic breath are easily the highlights of the movie. It practically lights up the whole scene which really emphasizes how deadly this attack is. And the kiss of death scene is easily one of the most brilliant uses of the atomic breath in any Godzilla movie, before and after. 

But then that brings me to the big climax of the movie where after an hour and a half of basically nothing happening with repetitive dialogue, boring characters, lame monsters, and forgettable music, we finally get our first major kaiju fight. And it perfectly summarizes this entire film for me.

Horrible lighting that makes it to where you can’t see anything? Check

A major focus on the humans, even though people came for the monsters? Check

Monster action that feels slow and generic? Check

Predictable twists that think they’re clever than they really are such as the TWO Godzilla fake out deaths? Check

A fight that wasn’t worth the slog that felt more like you were waiting in a queue to get on a ride only for the ride itself to be slow, straightforward, and completely underwhelming?

YEP! It all checks out!

The 2014 Godzilla movie is not good and I don’t understand why people are calling it one of the best Godzilla movies ever made. This is the Sonic Adventure 2 of the franchise where so many people say how good this movie is, when in actuality it’s one of the weaker entries in the franchise.

To be fair, it’s not all bad. The cinematography is fantastic, the CGI doesn’t look too bad, I really like Cranston, and the music wasn’t horrible. It’s nowhere close to being on the same level of awfulness as the 1998 film. But it’s also nowhere near some of the highs of the franchise.

Several years after this film’s release, the monsterverse has expanded and grown in popularity, most of that being thanks to the films that would come afterwards. And nowadays with it entering a second phase, and with the release of Godzilla King of the Monsters with it now being the definitive American Godzilla movie, I just have to ask, why would you return to this movie?

It’s not like the original Iron Man, which has an in-depth story for who would become one of the most iconic characters in the entire marvel cinematic universe. Nor is it similar to Star Wars The Phantom Menace, which laid the foundation for the story that the Star Wars franchise would ride off of.

There’s really no reason to watch this film after nearly 10 years. And I think that’s the worst fate a film could have. Movies such as Godzilla vs Hedorah and even Godzilla’s Revenge, for as bad as they may be, they’re still memorable in a sort of ironic way. Hell, I could remember a good 10 minutes worth of footage from the 1998 film. But I can’t say the same for this. 

It’s not an awful movie as there are aspects that I do like about this film. However those aspects are completely buried under heaps of generic, boring, mediocre crap that simply isn’t worth sitting through just for a giant lizard that’s on screen for the same amount of time as a crappy AMV video. 

While I am happy that it was successful as it practically saved Godzilla, that still doesn’t change the fact that Godzilla 2014 is easily the most by-the-books American monster movie that I have ever seen.

Nothing more, nothing less, it’s just…nothing.