An Apology, Update, Status Report, and Confession

First of all, I want to apologise to all of you for My absence, late responses, and for vanishing for so-long with-out nitifying you, as well as with-out an explanation of any kind.

The reason I vanished is because I have been through absolute hell in the past year. I fell into it last October in the middle of the month. Though, things were initiated earlier in the month, and perhaps some events took place in September. I also had began being mire-involved here, but then I got too-caught-up in My troubles.

At this time of the year, My grandfather I have lived with and helped take care of for almost Two years was hospitalised, and he passed away on December 2nd, A.D.2021.
My other grandfather passed away in January the year i began staying with this grandfather of mine, but I learned he had cancer in November. I had to live here alone from My grandfather and help tend to his house for more than Two weeks while he was losing his Life in that blasted hospital room.
I had to watch My other grabdfather battle for his Life starting around this time of year.

With-In Three days after My grandfather lost his Life last December, things went from terrible to agonising for me, as My dearest companions wronged me big-time. They knew he passed away, yet did it anyway. that was the first big event for me in these past Twelve months. the second soon,-followed, then the third, - all in December. January became even-worse.

By February, something catastrophic happened every month, at-least one thing majour every week, and each and every day had something note-worthy.
it had become common for me to go through trauma on a regular basis, but it became more-and-more-frequent, until it was daily.
I had had a bad week every other week before it became a constant. February was worst, and Late February was the first semester of a period extended into Early March, which is when I broke completely.

I thought A break would help, but then the problems extended into the entyre rest of My Life, and began affecting every One around me.
I lost almost every One in My Life, - in any way, - to any extent, in these last Twelve months.
Those whom have not left by their own Will have left unwillingly because they were angry and chose to, because they have felt it best, or have had their precious Life stripped from them.
Others have been divided from me against the Wills of both them and I.
I have Five other individuals in My Life, One I question, and Two of the Five I have had My only of contact with them cut-off for the time being.

I thought I was fine when I stopped My hiatus back in April, - about A month later, - and all seemed very-well for A time.
But in Late May, all hell broke loose again.
I found-out My mental health had not gotten better at all, and it was actually in a snowball state of continuingly-getting worse with-out anything happening.
I had already-had post-traumatic stress disorder since My childhood, so you can imagine how-badly this has all affected me.

I have now-developed what I feared when I first-experienced symptoms, as I knew when I had a second episode I had developed it, and it was already too-late to prevent it.
In case any of you have not heard of it; 'conversion disorder' is a disorder which starts out psychological, then spreads through-out the entyre nervous system and can become neurologickal, thus-making it affect A patient physically.
it can cause change of sensation, loss of motor control, temporary paralysis, and even black-outs, to [fainting. I have experienced all but fainting, but I have come close.
this disease, - as it is, in reality, - can be caused by non-physical trauma, and is bourne of repeated intense traumatic events in close proximity to each-other.

I have also felt suicidal for the first time in many years in these past months since December, and considered as well as even planned suicide on a countless number of occasions. I have repeatedly been encouraged to take My Life on many different occasions, and I could never have imagined those individuals could possibly do that in any world, - and not after all we have been through, none-the-less.
I am not suicidal currently, but I have become a but nihilistic. I believe I am safe from those thoughts for now.

For not only the second time in My Life, but the third, I have had every One taken from me.

This time almost none remain.

My cousin is on his bed in seemingly his last days, My brother has to start chemo-therapy because he is in such-intense pain from multiple sclerosis, and I have lost others.

On top of all of this, a majour tragedy just-struck My family line.
My Twelve-year-old nephew's pa just-lost his Life.

If any One is willing, please feel free to reach-out to me in the Comments Sections, or to private-message me. If we do talk together in My Profile Comments section, or any Comments section on Stories, Blogs, Et cetera, I might have to move our conversation to private messages, depending on if things get too-personal.

Please understand I am not planning on working at this time, but I will try to respond to any One and every One as soon as I can.
I will still be active on this site to read.

Thank you to each and every One of you for your support, Brony Love, company, the Element of Kindness, compassion, Element of Generosity, and for your amasing Stories.
You all snd all the amasing work on this site have really-helped me through this all.

To you all, I am eternally-grateful.
Yours truly, Glam Slam
the Glamdoll.