Von Eagle's Express
Josho's lips stirred. His facial muscles creased, as if coming to life for the first time in a century. He turned over on a swaying wooden floor as his ears twitched from the sound of rhythmic clack-a-clacking noises. A small dish of water was moved towards his muzzle and tilted into his mouth. Automatically, his lips pursed, and he took a small sip of the cool liquid.
Then, after a couple of seconds, his brow furrowed.
"Wait a second... nopony is ever th-this nice to me..."
His bleary eyes opened.
Eagle Eye sighed, his mane in a mess as he gazed tiredly down at the larger, older stallion. "You ever think there's a reason for that?"
Josho blinked. His muscles coiled to spring.
"Wait!" Eagle Eye waved one hoof wildly. "You're attached to me, remember—?"
Josho shot up, yanking the smaller unicorn with him. The dish of water clattered across the wooden floor, splashing wildly. Josho looked around, his nostrils flaring. He saw stacks of wooden boxes, lengths of cargo netting, mountains of metal toolboxes, and rows upon rows of cabinets. Everything was swaying and rattling around him and his unwitting companion in that claustrophobic space.
"...and there goes my chance to wet my own whistle," Eagle Eye muttered, struggling to step back up.
"I'm alive," Josho grunted. "Why am I alive?" He blinked. "And with you?"
"Well, there was the cliffside—"
"The boulder," Josho uttered spastically. "We were riding that giant rock like a working mare out of Blue Garden."
"Uhhhhhh... well maybe one of us was." Eagle Eye cleared his throat. "And then we fell into the river—"
"And then we died," Josho droned. "We should have died." He grumbled. "Why aren't I deader than a yardstick stuck in a latrine?"
"Look, I'm getting to that, you oversized bear rug!" Eagle Eye grunted, stamping his hoof. With a sigh, he ran a forelimb across his tattered bangs and said, "So, we hit the river, and you plunged in deep... erm, into the river, that is..."
"Do you really have to be the one explaining this—?"
"And, like, I was totally fine and stuff. But you were one big dumb object, and I nearly drowned trying to keep us both afloat. So..." Eagle Eye gestured with his petite hooves. "I paddled us both to shore—"
"You... swam us both to shore?!" Josho narrowed his eyes. "You, Miss Lightweight McNuzzlesomepony?"
"Look, don't give me flak about it!" Eagle Eye grumbled. "It was really, really hard! Not to mention smelly!"
"Smelly...?"
"I swear, you couldn't dry out in the sun fast enough. Sitting next to you felt like sharing a sauna with a wet moose and a bucket of dead sardines. So, anyway, I started a fire and tried doing smoke signals to attract attention. I didn't have much in the way of flammable kindling, so... I kinda sorta used some of your mane..."
"Wait, huh?!" Josho ran a hoof up to his head. Half of his scalp was missing, and the other half hung over his horn like a horrible, gray combover. "Gah! Why, you dirty little honeymoon stain—!"
"So, yeah, that got the fire realllllly smokey. Eheheh..." Eagle Eye smiled nervously. "And, someone came. A lot faster than I had expected. But, they weren't exactly ponies. I asked them if they could break our bonds, but they... uh... didn't seem interested in that."
"What do you mean they didn't seem interested in—?"
"Still, they had a ticket out of here. First, it was by wagon. Then, it was a supply cart. Then they took us to this station, and... erm... well, they had room in this boxcar at the rear of the line..."
"Boxcar?" Josho blinked. "Wait, do you mean...?" He turned around, then galloped towards a sheet of glass above several cabinets.
"Gaaah!" Eagle Eye shrieked, flailing on the end of his anchor to the older stallion.
Josho propped himself up on his rear hooves and squinted out the window. He saw passing pine trees, along with distant hints of towering sapphire shards. The air was turning a misty gray with the hint of prevailing snow. The atmosphere was thin.
"Hey, uh, fruit kennel..."
"Do I really... really have to reply to th-that?"
"Why are we in a train?"
"Cuz that's where they put us after the wagon ride and—"
"Why are we in the mountains?"
"We've been on this track for quite a while, but—"
Josho took a careful measure of the sky. He squinted, then turned to glare at Eagle Eye. "And why are we going south?!" he hissed.
"Oh, is that we're heading?" Eagle Eye smiled nervously. "Uhhhh... that might explain why I've heard so many birds crying outside—"
"Nnnngh..." Josho slumped back down and facehoofed. "I never thought I'd have to kill a living, breathing femcolt while sober."
"Hey!" Eagle Eye frowned. "I did the best I could to keep us in one piece! I could totally have ditched your big, fat body on the shores of that river if I wanted to!"
"Oh yeah?!" Josho growled, raising his left hoof and pointing at the purple-glowing manacle. "With what?!"
Eagle Eye gulped and shrugged. "There were... lots of sticks, y'know?"
"Unnngh..."
"Oh, and rocks. Lots of those. I considered tossing a few of them into a forest, figuring it would summon a cougar or—"
"You do realize we're traveling even further away from—"
"From what?!" Eagle Eye narrowed his eyes. "One of your expeditions?"
"Anything! Civilization!" Josho gestured wildly while talking. "Any group of living, sentient things that aren't metal cocooned freak mares or bipedal canine fartbags!"
"Poetry aside, I'm not clueless." Eagle Eye folded his forelimbs. "All you really wanna do is find a Ledomaritan encampment and turn us both in!"
"Way to get a friggin' clue, ya overcooked kettle of pink kumquats!" Josho snarled at him. "Of course I wanna get back to my unit, turn you in, and find a tall bottle of joy water! But you just couldn't have that, could you?"
"Can you blame me?"
"Honey, I could break your head over a bar counter if I knew it'd leak more than bullcrap! Just who have we landed with, huh?!"
"Well..." Eagle Eye fidgeted. "Uhm..."
"And just how could they possibly have been a better choice than a company of my fellow stallions of war—?"
Just then, there was a rattling sound above the rhythmic rocking of the train.
Josho and Eagle Eye turned, watching as something unlocked the door to the next compartment ahead...
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I think he's about to find out.
Oh come on! Cliffhanger on the species of the host?
I'm going to go ahead and just guess that it's deer. Either that or squirrels.
Also, it occurs to me that there is no map of Ledomare yet! I would enjoy knowing where everybody is. Whatever, though.
Something tells me his question will be answered upon that door opening.
And Eagle Eye, burning manes?! Really shows they've hit rock bottom. Or their intense dislike for eachother. Either one.
2522876
Crimson, Tweak, Dash, Imre and Roarke are all south, In Searo. North of this is Aurum where the Crystal Ponies live. In between, but roaming, are the diamond dogs. North of that is forest, with Foxtaur to the west. Further north is finally Blue Nova, the current destination of Belle, Pilate, Floydian and Phoenix. Josho and EE are headed south, somewhat towards Searo. Them running into Crimson et al would not be a surprise.
The dialogue between these two alone is worth the price of admission. The Sinatra reference just caps it.
No pushups this round, ):(. You earned a break through Eagle Eye's fabulousness.
I suddenly wanna change my name to Miss Lightweight McNuzzlesomepony.
I totally made this account just to comment your work. This is absolutly amazing and well-crafted and UGH its just so perfect
I keep laughing at some of the names and refrences you give: feathernipples? a blacksmith wet dream? featherweight mcnuzzlesomepony? pure gold.
Evil cliffhanger is evil.
God, I love the interaction between EE and Josho. It's like "The Defiant Ones" meets a moistened book of one-liners. Hopefully they're somewhere in the vicinity of Dash & Co. Also:
Evil biker bunnies. Part of Hell's Angels. Although perhaps too far from Equestria to be the Ponyville Chapter.
What? You thought he was called Angel for some other reason?
-- Actually the chapter title probably hints at what is behind the door.
Now that the Searo arc is over, we shall see more of the other groups. I was wondering what happened to these two, guess i got my answer. My guess is that they are currently in the hands/paws of some sentient Timberwolves, that would be quite the twist. Likely it is Griffons due to the chapter title. Either way this should be good.
I read it two hours late and I am the only one to say "Von Ryan's Express"
The wacky, action-movie dialogue is probably my favorite thing about the story at this point.
Trust Eagle Eyes to make things more fun! I'm guessing they were taken by sentient birds.
2523453
Comedy option: humans.
Nice reference to a fic by a completely random author.
Fifty bucks says zebras. For racism hijinks. But it's probably griffons, we haven't seen them yet.
The banter between these two is just great.
Iseewhatyoudidthere.
What is it with you and cliffhangers, Scolon?
But hey, I'm not gonna complain anymore. Now that the Searo arc has wrapped up, we're getting back to the other groups, which is something I've been looking forward to.
I'm going to second the notion that it's squirrels, but I'd say there were probably a flock of sparrows and bluebirds involved as well. Eagle Eye's Disney princess powers have awoken.
I'm going to say griffon due to the chapter title. I would say eagle, but we saw in May The Best Pet Win, that they're not really capable of a full civilization of their own, seeing as they're treated as pets.
I think griffons, maybe, or... um... alien? Um... drum-bunnies, are saving them now.
Missed these two - love how they compliment eachother.
Probably griffons?
Squirrels in pony mechs. Calling it now. Bet you didn't think "Applejack is Full of Squirrels" was in this continuity.
2524473
Can anyone explain how Pinkie has a fimfiction account?
2524578
So, you've always wanted to be a small, sweet, yellow fruit.
I am concerned for you on a number of levels.
Ah, it's good to have them back.
Josho and Eagle eye continue to have what is quite possibly the most entertaining dynamic.
I can only hope for lots more chapters of these two.
changelings? that would be interesting.
Oh Josho, you so silly.
I had completely forgotten how much fun Eagle Eye is. That entire Searo arc has left me Searously aggravated. Thank heavens that is over. Finally to some more pleasant matters - like Josho!
Ceterum censeo Searinem delendam esse.
It is actually Shell on the other side of the door.
He shoots Josho for insubordination and Eagle dies of starvation chained to his corpse.
Grief stricken, Roarke violently crashes her ship into a mountain, killing all on board.
Blue Nova succumbs to multiple attacks by the Russians.
Innavedr ends.
woo...I've finally done it, I've finally caught up with the lastest chapter of this trilogy. Man this is going to end of being longer than End of Ponies it seems.
Well anyways love your work
shortskirtsi-colon, can't wait for more, this is really one of the best fanfic series I've read, keep it up.2523808
I get the feeling the "cliffhangers" in this story aren't for dramatic effect so much as to avoid spending ten minutes figuring out how to start the next chapter.
2527859 They bug me either way.
Love the dialogue between these two!
Watch it be diamond dogs again.
Badgers.
calling it now, before I click Next.
honeytiger says it is flying squids.
IIIIIt's Dashie's evaluation time!
Huh...not sure the smoke signal with the Killas so nearby was a good choice. Besides, these "benefactors" seem to be very shady individuals. Mountains? South of Ledomare? And boy, is Josho selfish with that whole turn-in-EE thing. Anyways, we'll hopefully find out some more stuff next chapter. These are my thoughts so far.
-MASH
The newest Apple product! Don't get caught in the john without it!
I really don't know how you come up with your insults, author, (by opening random books and picking the first word you see out of each, before combining them?) but they're hilarious. Glad to get back to these two. They're like the classic comedy duo of opposite oddballs who get paired together. Now all we need is the heartwarming moment where they begin to understand each other, before sharing a manly (or not so manly, in EE's case) hug with emotional music playing in the background.
I'm sure Josho would barf and punch EE in the face before that happened, but still.
Onward!
2526664 it could happen, only on the Hub!
This banter.
THIS BANTER.
Anywho, we're about to find out.
#
-SPirit
You know, these two are probably the craziest, rag-taggiest pair I've ever see have the unfortunate circumstance to be together. I love it.
ah yes, my favorite Skirts fic.
Now that a new arc is started, glad to see we're back with Josho and Eagle. I missed the suckas.
BIG DUMB OBJECT?
5974082 Good to see you are still alive. Hadn't seen any of yoru comments for AGES. I fell a day back here got distracted with family stuff.
6008971 And I gain some more...
If they're on a train, chances are there's something civilized at the end of the tracks. Let's hope it's not Searo.
See, you really just can't trust a fatal fall to be actually fatal.
A part of me really wants it to be pony versions of those nomads from Avatar.
Just because of how pissed they'd make Josho