How to Disappear Completely

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Pound

"Do you poniesssss..." Spot shuffled forward, eyes peering. "...really believe that every individual ssssshouldn't be forcccced to dig?"

"Of course not!" Soarin' exclaimed. "Why? Is that different from what diamond dogs believe?"

"The earth belongssss to usss!" Rover said. "Any sssssecond we ssssspend not digging for jewelsss isssss a wassste!"

"Missss Rarity wasss ssssstealing our jewelsss!" Spot added. "We figured—in time—sssshe would learn to like the work!"

"After all, it benefited the pack!" Fido added.

"And the good of the pack is more important than the good of the runt!" Rover finished. "It'ssss the way of all thingssss." He winced, ears drooping as he smiled bashfully. "Well... uhhh... diamond dog thingssss."

Soarin' frowned. "I can't believe how you could possibly use that to excuse the willful enslavement of a unicorn citizen—"

Flash rested a hoof on the wonderbolt's shoulder, silencing him. He glanced calmly in the canines' direction. "I feel for my buddy here. It shocks me—too—that you would enslave an innocent pony to do your dirty work." He gestured. "But I get the feeling that the nature of the crime sorta... goes over your head."

"Maybe if... uh..." Fido scratched his scalp. "...you explain it again?"

"Dummy!" Spot swatted his hindquarters. "The poniessss have already explained it! Do we have to hammer it into your thick ssssskull?"

"What about your thick ssssskull?" Fido barked.

"Grrrrrrrgh!" Rover hissed.

Flash gave a shrill whistle.

All three looked at him.

"And..." He smiled tiredly. "The idea of diamond dogs owning all jewels in the earth flies waaaay over our heads."

"But how?" Rover cocked his head to the side. "Isn't it obvious?"

Soarin' face-hoofed.

"I wish I could say it was," Soarin said. "To be perfectly honest, every time I try to process the concept in my head, I feel dumber. Almost insulted. But..." He sighed. "...if there's anything I've learned about from... the land where I come from—it's that failing to have an open mind leads to nothing but limbo and misery."

"Well, what'ssss the point in doing anything now?!" Spot squealed. "The Hawkeye Pack issss flat broke!"

"Nobody in High Paw resssspectsss ussss anymore!" Rover whimpered. "Our pressstige issss gone thanksss to that awful whiney pony!"

"At leasssst if we had ssssmassshed the negotiationsss with the catapult, we could have gotten back at everyone!" Fido exclaimed.

"How?!" Flash wheezed. "How would ruining the future for both High Paw and Equestria have helped anyone... especially you in your current predicament?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh..." Fido looked blankly at the others. "It... would have felt good to... smassssh things?"

Rover face-pawed with a groan.

"And just how long would you have enjoyed that meager satisfaction until the consequences came back to bite you in the ass?" Flash smirked bitterly. "Seriously—you might as well have voted for Harambe at the Council."

"Okay..." Soarin' grumbled. "...now I've got absolutely no clue what that means."

Flash leaned aside. "Hope you never do," he whispered.

"We get it, pony," Rover muttered. "You are trying to help ussss. I can ssssee that now." He shrugged. "But I really don't ssssee what you and your friend here can do!"

"Maybe you're right," Flash said with a nod. "Maybe we can't do anything." He smirked. "But I know some ponies and dogs who just might." He waved in the general direction of High Paw. "The representatives of your elders and Equestria's elite are just over there. How about approaching them calmly... peacefully... with words instead of boulders?"

"I... uh..." Rover rubbed one of his hind legs sheepishly. "I dunno..."

"Did it feel good to tell us the truth just now?"

"Mmmmm... kind of?"

"Then imagine bringing it before a forum of experts who want peace and prestige for every pack just like you do?"

The trio exchanged glances.

Spot squinted. "Do... you think they will find a way to get ussss back what we've losssst?"

"I don't know. But you're asking the wrong pony." Flash waved. "All I ask is that you have a little bit of faith... just like Soarin' and I showed by coming here and talking to you three." His muzzle curved. "And look how far that's gotten us."

The canines contemplated that. Drawing closer together, the three murmured and whispered in a tight hairy huddle.

Soarin' leaned in towards Flash. "You know... you've got the gift."

"Pffft..." Flash shrugged it off. He talked out the side of his muzzle. "Just being honest and sincere."

"I mean it. Investigation... negotiation... logical deduction..." Soarin' winked. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you'd make a great royal guard someday."

"Please..." Flash rolled his eyes. "Now that's the stupidest thing I've ever head. And I just spent the last hour talking to the Pound Puppies."

Comments

[Booster Spice]

Pound Puppies? These guys barely make Hush Puppies.

[MythrilMoth]

"I mean it. Investigation... negotiation... logical deduction..." Soarin' winked. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you'd make a great royal guard someday."

*insert Scar "You have no idea" YT vid here*

"Please..." Flash rolled his eyes. "Now that's the stupidest thing I've ever head. And I just spent the last hour talking to the Pound Puppies."

The Pound Puppies? I hear their leader is a real bitch.

[Czar_Yoshi]

Spot squinted. "Do... you think they will find a way to get ussss back what we've losssst?"

Funny, that. Flash happens to be a very good friend of a friend of the pony who did all that... and it's a connection he wants very much not to use.

I smell a possibility for some delicious drama down the road.

[Reykan]

I'd say you'd make a great royal guard someday."

I'm actually kind of surprised that Flash didn't run into his double while in the Crystal Kingdom(No, I will not call one city that's hundreds of years out of date an empire).

[Xanderfox]

7979673 How would he have done that? The mirror was moved to Twilight's castle in Ponyville during Rainbow Rocks and this is set after Friendship Games,

[IceKitsune]

"I mean it. Investigation... negotiation... logical deduction..." Soarin' winked. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you'd make a great royal guard someday."
"Please..." Flash rolled his eyes. "Now that's the stupidest thing I've ever head. And I just spent the last hour talking to the Pound Puppies."

I can't wait till he meets his counterpart. That has to happen, it just has to. Even if it is at the end of the story.

[Reykan]

7979688 Ah, my bad. Sometimes I read so many stories I lose track of where the characters last were seen in comparison to the story I'm currently reading.

[vorxil]

Seriously—you might as well have voted for Harambe at the Council.

Even in MLP, you can't escape it.

[WanderingPony]

7979377

Hush Puppies? I suppose they're battered enough, but let's not deep fry them.

[PropMaster]

Friendship wins!

[PinkiePieFox]

Now that's the stupidest thing I've ever head

Heard

[hollowblade]

7979673
Well if you want to be technical about it you can't call it a kingdom either. Nor Equestria for that matter. They would both be The Principality of Equestria and The Crystal Principality.

[djthomp]

"I mean it. Investigation... negotiation... logical deduction..." Soarin' winked. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you'd make a great royal guard someday."

Maybe so, in another time, place, and life. Unfortunately for Flash, though, that life is already occupied by Flash.

On the other hand, nothing says Equestria can't have two Royal Guards named Flash.

[link4]

Now that's the stupidest thing I've ever head.

'heard' small spelling error.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Well, that certainly went better than expected. Hooray for logic and reason!
...
Yeah, they'd better hurry back to make sure this doesn't all go sideways in the next few minutes.

7980506
But only one can be the grandmaster.

[Xzrea]

Friendship is for ponies, you mutt. But we won't say it to you. We will send you to elders, who will also not say it, but will give you a nice pie for all your jewels.

[pahnazd]

I feel for Soarin'. I felt dumber from the ramblings of dogs too
But hey, danger averted, now for the negotiations to proceed.

[Silentwoodfire]

I get the feeling those dogs missed a few lessons in school

if they even had one

[Viddaric]

Two things:

1. "I've ever head" might want to fix that typo
2. Harambe memes? Really? This story has been fantastic so far and this has been the only major blemish on it.

[ferret]

8835008
Better watch out or he's gonna start talking about how ebola helps you save the queen.

[Orphan]

"I wish I could say it was," Soarin said. "To be perfectly honest, every time I try to process the concept in my head, I feel dumber. Almost insulted . But..." He sighed. "...if there's anything I've learned about from... the land where I come from—it's that failing to have an open mind leads to nothing but limbo and misery."

Flash changed his name again I see. Now what will we call the original Soarin?