"I... I did nothing," Flash Sentry murmured, his breaths growing calmer and his ears drooping more and more. "When it came my time to prove myself... to see if I had what it takes to transcend thousands of years of rotten humanity... I did nothing." He gulped. "I didn't fail. I just... refused." Shuddering, his eyes made contact with the ponies around him for the first time in minutes. "You see... nobody ever fails to do good. We humans... we ponies... we everything have goodness and mercy within each of us. We can change things for the better. We have the power." He slowly... sadly shook his head. "But I chose not to do that. I knew the excuses and the luxuries afforded me... and I clung to them. And chose to let those people be... to let them linger in whatever ill-fate befell them... that they didn't deserve. Nobody deserves that kind of shit. Nobody. Not the child of an abusive family. Not a teenager indoctrinated into a rape gang. Not a person lied to that killing himself to murder others is somehow rewarded in heaven. Not a person who flounders and fails to master this made-up macguffin called 'money' that some asshole invented countless eons ago. Nobody. Deserves. To suffer."
Flash leaned forward, placing his face in his hooves again. The others were silent as stone as he continued.
"We're all here only once. Nobody ever lives twice. This is it. This is our one and only shot at existence... at experiencing life for all its colors and music. Why make it so friggin' disharmonious? Why do people have to starve for most of it? Why do people have to spend it having their holes mutilated or their minds pulverized by dogma or their limbs blown off by a war that they never asked to be a part of? And yet... that's the world we've all chosen to call 'normal.' That's the world we refuse to change... to do that which is truly required to change it... because somehow the cost is far larger than the infinite reward... when all you really have to do is give... just give... just go outside and put your neck out there and love and cherish and give give give..."
A sniffling sound.
Flash rubbed his hooves together.
He looked up... and his eyes were glossy.
"I refused to do it. I refused." He swallowed a lump down his throat and proceeded to rub his fetlocks, as if cowering from a great an impenetrable cold. "For all of my goddamn soapboxing and whining about humanity... when it became my time to make a difference... I refused." His teeth clenched as he shook his head. "Makes no difference what impact being a good, selfless individual could or could not have made on my life... my education... my own pathetic circumstances. I left them. I went home to... I dunno... scarf down a well-cooked meal, fritter and waste hours on the Internet, melt my rain, jack off—whatever. And those people are god-knows-where now. Today, that poor woman's probably resorted to doing far nastier things to receive the good grace that I wouldn't give her. And the baby? Who knows if it was ever delivered or not. Or if it's alive or not. Who cares? I certainly didn't." His eyes limply swept the room, wet and witless. "The fact of the matter is, I'm part of the problem. Every day that goes by—and I refuse to give the shirt on my back to someone or lay down my life for a complete stranger—I'm part of the problem. There is no way of rexamining or skewing the matter. Unless I'm willing to do anything—and everything—for the first soul I meet... I won't ever change... and the world will never change. I'm not alone—but that's just an excuse. I've filled my life with excuses... whiny, pathetic, selfish excuses for preserving the legacy of a loser." A sniffle, and he looked at Soarin. "And coming here was one of them."
Soarin gazed back at him, blinking curiously.
"Maybe you all have your own problems... maybe there's suffering in Equestria that I've yet to find... but—the truth of the matter is..." Flash breathed heavily. "...doing good and selfless things here comes easy. It's built in all of you... so much goodness and harmony. I... I could feed five thousand hungry souls with my bare hooves here... and it wouldn't make an impact. Because... because that's just how warm and beautiful this place is. Everything is on the up and up. If I improved myself here—as a living being—could it really be called 'progress?' I'd be cheating my way to a position of feeling self-righteous and... and I knew that before I came here. I knew th-that the first m-moment a beautiful... innocent princess waltzed into my world and needed help. And I helped her... but only because it was easy... because I could afford to do it... just like I could afford to clean the gutters here... or stave off a diamond dog assassination or even... or even unite an entire Empire with the rest of Equestria..."
"Flash..." Soarin leaned in. "...what you did here was no small feat."
Flash choked on the next breath. "It is for me." He shook his trembling head. "So long as I know what I know... that I see all that I've opened my eyes to see... I-I'm no angel here... I-I'm just a c-coward..." He lingered on the crest of hyperventilation. "I know deep down inside what I am... wh-what I've chosen to be and... and..." The first stab pierced the base of his neck and tore its way up his throat. "Dammit..." His eyes were already becoming cloudy. "God dammit..." He held a hoof to his face, trying to dam it all in. He had anticipated this moment for months... long lonely months spent sandwiched by the gray walls of his room. But when the tears finally came, they weren't cleansing or relieving. If nothing else, the baptism only exposed him to all the grimy lengths of his soul left unwashed. "...I've been..." He hiccuped. He sobbed. "...so damn... so goddamn s-selfish..." He hunched over. There were no wings that could carry him aloft now. "...I'm s-sorry... I'm so sorry..."
Perhaps, Flash Sentry knew what was about to happen. Nevertheless, when the first set of equine arms enfolded around him, he cried like a moth caught in a spider's web. A fetlocked rubbed into his shoulder, and he smelled the scent of muffins as the mare kissed his forehead and nuzzled his neck. Next came Soarin, his strong wings cocooning and preserving. He couldn't see the bodies of those who subsequently closed in, but his mind counted them, and the number stretched beyond heaven. They surrounded the teenager, giving him the warmth and love that he always wanted, but all it did was burn him alive. His first sobs in as long as he could remember were cries of anguish, and he allowed the pain to wring the last pitiable drops out of him.
"It's okay, bro..."
"You're a good soul..."
"...you wouldn't feel these things unless you wanted to change..."
"Fortune smiles on you, my boy. All is not lost."
"...you can still do a lot of good, Flash..."
"Not... not..." Flash seethed, his face and voice hovering between compassionate pony hugs. "...not h-here I can't." He grimaced. Giving birth. "Here... n-no matter what g-good I did... I would just blend in. I would disappear completely. And I have so much p-potential... and I mean too much to the universe to ever let that h-happen." He clenched his eyes shut. "And that's why I must go back." He cried, covering his face with a hoof, like a shroud. "I must g-go back..." His shudders were silent now. Acknowledging. A mantra. "I must go back... I must go back... I must..."
Nopony argued with him.
Nopony tried to change him.
For that was already happening.
He sank in the midst of their warmth, allowing the tears to run their course and recede. How long the moment took to pass, Flash could not recall... but he made sure to mind the tributaries that flowed from there.
I believe the correct decision has been made here.
I'm just waiting for someone to point out to Flash that while ponies are great to each other they tend to be jerks to non-ponies.
Wait....really? He's this upset because he refused to help a woman? I mean...I can't say for sure what might be going on in his mind, but I thought it was something far worse than that. I thought that he knocked up someone, and left the girl. I thought that it was something far more dire, like him not believing that a serial killer was chasing them or something, only to find out days later in the morning paper, with their faces twisted in agony and blood was pooled beneath them on the front cover. I'm not saying that it isn't....decisive for a teenager to realize something like this. I'm not saying that it isn't important, but...if he's that upset about it, why doesn't he change his attitude. Actually do something that makes him uncomfortable, that makes him help other people, because...at the end of the day you'll feel better for doing it. Even if it was out of your way, or not in your plans, it's still something that you can do, and there are people that are like this out there, not just the sickos and creeps and layabouts, but also the goodworking, the honest, and the generally helpful. I don't claim to be one of these people, only that I try to be. When I see a person on the side of the road, I talk to them, give them some money if they're asking for it, maybe even a ride to where they need to go, or at least set them on the right path. I don't do this kind of thing always, and usually my heads in a different place when I'm driving, so I don't even notice them sometimes. But usually, I like to think that I help people more than just ignore them. Me thinking otherwise is just detrimental. If I believe that I were some vagrant, living off of the scum of others, and only producing scum for others, well..I'd get mighty depressed real fast, and then I wouldn't even be able to actually live life like you're supposed to. The kind of problem that he's dealing with can't always be solved. I tried for a couple years to not give into my apathy, and only recently have I been able to actually feel for other people besides myself. I can't even say with hard work, that something like that can be achieved, but that doesn't mean you stop working to solve the problem. It just means you got to buckle down harder, and solve some of it so somebody else can finish it for you since you couldn't. Look, all I'm trying to say is that Flash has it bad, like the rest of us. Apathy comes naturally in a population of increasing size. It's hard to care for somebody we don't even know, or have even talked to, but simply imagining it kind of puts us away from those types of people. We can't feel for other people unless we've been put into their place, or been around them. If you're speaking from experience, or if you're still having trouble with this kind of a feeling, then don't ignore it, or try to put it under the rug. Firmly grasp it, come to terms with it, and move on with it in mind. If you see somebody that needs help, keep that problem in your mind, and make it so you can't ignore the problem.
That's it?....Seriously?
8901909
Herd mentality, bit different than humans and our pack mentality. Herds tend more toward cooperation packs more completion ( not that herds lack completion or packs cooperation). Ponies tend to see other ponies as herd mates to help and non-ponies as treats or completion. Also I expect they instinctively obey the princesses because they are the biggest and strongest ponies.
And suddenly my upvote became a downvote... At least the rest of the story was good, but bad endings can ruin the entire experience.
Honestly? Fuck humanity. He's doing good things, he's found a better place, and there comes a point where there's no shame in abandoning ship. That time came at least six hundred years ago.
People can be good too and all, but with what being on earth was doing to him mentally and emotionally, I genuinely don't see why he should have to go back. He's not in a position to do anything on a large scale or anything, he's a depressed teenager. If he were some huge CEO or politician that'd be another story, but he isn't.
Hell, maybe he could gather some volunteers in Equestria and set up a refugee sort of thing. They can give people who've lost their homes, livelihoods, and hope a new start. Equestria would benefit from human technology too. I'd pay to read that fic, tbh.
Anyway. Flash is not obligated to go back to a place that was sucking out his soul, especially when he can do just as much good in a place that doesn't destroy him. No one is, and it's incredibly grating that this fic seems to think otherwise.
8902058
What do you mean? I'd like to hear your specific thoughts as to why this was a bad ending.
You’ve perfectly captured the thought process of a self interested teenager.
... that’s not necessarily a compliment.
Hm.
8901915
His issue is more with the hypocrisy. He ous suffering from a major case of being a teen and all the angst and anxiety that cones with that... and he has been acting during his life like he was better then the general masses.
And then he got a chance to prove that. To prove he was a good person. And he failed.
This caused some serious cognitive dissonance, which combined with the previous angst sms anxiety led to him seeing himself as part of the problem. Part of what he hates.
Thus his depression.
I will admit I thought it was a bigger thing, but this does make sense.
Stockholm syndrome, but from a broken and abusive world (or universe) rather than an individual? Flash left because the world was (at least from his perspective) rotting, and he wanted out, to get away - as any sane person would if fhey truly believed their situation that dire. Flash especially, because he had somewhere he could run to. But upon getting out of the mess, he is able to clear his head and realize that there are others who are stuck without an out.
Perhaps the best metaphor is that he ran out of a burning house, but he can hear the screams of those still trapped inside and he won't let himself stand and watch them burn - even if he might get caught in the flames himself. That's goddamn heroic - it's covered in a thick layer of angst, yeah, but even so. He sees a burning house, and chooses to run back in, because he can't live with himself if he doesn't.
Is it the smart thing? The wise thing? No, and no. But it can be said that it is the righteous thing to do - and Flash's conscious choice to go back, even as much as he hates it, is heroic and tragic. A man can only be brave when he is afraid, it is said.
I don't agree with all his evaluations, actions, or choices - statistically humanity is improving on just about every front at an exponential rate, we just hear about the worst of it because shock sells and mass media inundates us with it - but for someone to feel the way he does and still make the choice to go back? Yeah, that's a fukkin hero man.
Since, my friend, you have revealed your deepest fears.
I sentence you to be exposed before your peers.
Some time ago I was driving to one of my classes. I pulled up at the light. I heard a knocking on my window. It was the driver of the car next to me. His car had died and he was asking for my help in getting it up out of the street.
Basically, the situation Flash was in.
I thought about doing what Flash did, and explaining to the man that I couldn't help him. That I would be late for my class, I was on a tight schedule, things like that. But then I thought about the man's position. For all I knew he was on his way to his job. If he didn't show up, he could end up getting fired. And how would he support his family? Even more urgently, by virtue of his car being dead in the middle of the street in front of a busy intersection, he was risking injury to himself.
So, I helped him move his car out of the street. It was a beat up old sedan. Not the biggest car in the world, but not exactly a cakewalk either. Between the two of us, we were just barely getting it around the corner and out of the way of irate drivers honking their horns at us.
Then the most amazing thing happened. Two other people came up to us and gave us a helping hand, and together we were able to get the car into a parking lot, where the man was able to jump it back to life and head on his way.
I identify a lot with Flash here, because that easily could've been me. I did have to make a sacrifice when I helped that man out. Not just my own time, but I had to put myself at risk of injury as well. And given that more people were more interested in honking at us than helping us out, he's not that far off when he says the number of folks willing to step up to the plate is smaller than it should be.
I admit the revelation is a tad anti-climatic, but I think it's important to keep in mind that Flash's decision to leave the woman wasn't the impetus for his decision to flee to Equestria. It was merely the last drop in a cup that was already full.
This is a teenager with a lot of unresolved issues who has harbored a steadily growing resentment to the world around him, especially after he was offered a tiny glimpse of a better world. Despite all the gloom and doom though, he still held out hope that he could rise above the filth and the foam and be better. But when he was given the chance to do so, he couldn't do it. In his mind, that just proved that he was no better than the people he claimed to despise, that he was going to become them regardless if he wanted to or not.
And now he realizes not only how staying in Equestria forever is taking the easy way out, but just how wrong his entire worldview of the world was, and it's a realization that a few readers here would probably be wise to consider as well.
There will always be things in the world to be upset about. Laws that can be a little more just, homes that can be a little more comforting, people that can be a little more free. Likewise there will always be selfish, greedy, immature people who don't care about anything or anyone except themselves and how they can make themselves more powerful.
But don't ever assume they make up the majority of mankind. The fact that our civilization is still here despite millennia of conflict is proof enough of that. We've been given plenty of chances to completely annihilate ourselves, and I suspect we will be given a few more. But every time we've had the opportunity to go through with it, we've decided (sooner or later) that it was better to work together to keep everything spinning.
Flash says no one wants to be Jesus. What he should realize is that no one ever can be. We will always have moments of weakness. Moments where we could've done more to help someone but chose not to. Yes I helped a man get his broken down car off the road, but by the same token had I sent a message to a friend of mine after he posted a rather depressive and melancholy status update, then perhaps he might not have ended his life days later.
But you should never dwell on your failures. You should use it as motivation. Tell yourself "I won't let this happen again, no matter what."
And it took Flash a long time, but he's finally got here. He's finally arrived to the point where now he can stop bemoaning his own failures and inaction. Now he knows what he's capable of, what he has to offer.
And, most importantly, he knows where he needs to go to prove it.
I have mixed feelings about the last few chapters.
The author has captured the angsty emo teenage mind in an interesting manner, even when Flash claims he is selfish, he is even more selfish in how damn important he thinks he is to the "universe" and how wrapped up and just plain over-the-top annoying it all is. I want to slap the self-importance out of him and tell him to grow-up. The "self-sacrifice is everything" thoughts and the triviality of his big defining moment grates on my nerves.
The mixed feelings come from the issue that this is just painful to read. I mean it is chapters of just this overwrought bullshit infesting Flash's mind, which is making me not like the character, at all. I'm not saying the author is doing this, but it feels like the uncomfortableness in works heavily editorialized by an author to make a character speak the author's viewpoint. Which if this is the deconstruction of the teen character is very well done but it just miserable to read through. The change in tone has sapped my interest in reading the story. So far the other characters in the story give Flash positive reinforcement without calling him out on it in a meaningful way, for growth of his character shouldn't there be some resolution of his thoughts driven by external forces?
Nice use of a title drop on a title with a less obvious second meaning. :)
8902046
How is that any different from the surprising proportion of religious people in the U.S. who will give the shirt off their back to anyone they see as "sufficiently us" (these days, typically defined as other White Christians of any denomination) spend large amounts of effort on charitable endeavours, but voted for Donald Trump because they fear "the other"? (at the moment, primarily muslims and non-white minorities.)
According to all of the research I've read, that's why authoritarians like Trump, Putin, and Erdogan are so successful. There are a lot of people who have a deep desire to follow a "strong man" and they value that strength and conviction so much that their emotional response to it overwhelms their rational reaction to the truthfulness of the statement.
In fact, a recent study found that not only is there a correlation between childhood tendency toward fear responses, political conservatism as adults, and having a larger amygdala (the portion of the brain responsible for fear), but having test groups focus on thoughts that made them feel physically safe resulted in them giving less conservative responses on social attitude surveys with their receptiveness to social change in general becoming indistinguishable from people whose attitudes were classified as progressive.
(I don't have the direct links to the relevant articles handy right now, but this TYT clip should provide a good jumping-off point if you want to track them down.)
8902252
More an instinctual survival response from a species that has only had the power to enact large-scale change for an instant of evolutionary time. Even with alicorns as proof that it's possible, I don't see ponies obsessively researching life-extension technologies.
...or how about humans who were very athletic and then lose the use of their legs. If you survey them a year later, they'll be happy again, because that's about how long it takes for their instincts to give up on them finding a way to return to their old circumstances and hit the reset button on their expectations. (Source: A TED talk that I forget the name of.)
Anorexia Esteemer?
Well.... that kind of sucks. Completely understandable, but that doesn’t make it any better. I suppose I should’ve figured he wouldn’t really stay in the end.
8902454
Herd vs Pack is just more about which behavior is done more often and group size, herds tend toward being bigger and more gregarious. Like I said slightly different. I realize it doesn't seem like much of a difference.
The thing about shades of gray is that some of them can be very light indeed. One moment of weakness does not make the difference between the Messiah and the lowest scum of the Earth. "Only human" isn't an excuse; it's an acknowledgement that perfection is an unattainable ideal. But that doesn't mean it's not worth reaching for it. Every one of those mistakes is itself an opportunity to improve one's self, to grow from the experience, to be better than one was before.
And now, appropriately enough after adventures in Equestria, Flash is finally ready to get back on the horse.
Is that your way of saying that you are moving on from the Fan fiction and move on to the real world and face reality?
If The Discoursetm is sparked in your comment section, it means you are doing it well. Not only are you making people think, but also feel something.
Well, he definitely needed a hug.
Possibly a smack upside the head too, but first a hug.
8902454
Ah, I was just referring to the fact that he ran away because he hates it, but now he feels he has to go back to make things better. It's a well known facet of abusive relationships - an abuser will threaten or claim that if the abused leave, they (the abuser) will come to harm - the "I need you" tactic. Not a true equivalency, but rather a frame for comparison, used to open up to the rest of my thoughts.
8903119
Ahh. Likening society as a whole to an abusive individual. Gotcha.
yep this is what i expected.
Flash going back.
I don't understand why you keep going down this dark path? Flash sentry shouldn't have this dark of a story!
I realise that, being unfamiliar with the actual human world, ponies would have a hard time disagreeing with Flash... but surely they can tell when self pitying trash is self pitying trash.
Tell him to stop. Do not encourage him. His lack of self awareness is a problem and if you want to help him you actually have to intervene, not just watch them work themselves up into a tizzy with their own self-inflicted bullshit.
The way that the other ponies react to Flash has felt a little odd this whole fic since about the halfway point. It went from "they're all just really nice," to "they are actively ignoring Flash in order to let him fuck himself over." At this point it seems to have reached its head.
While it's possible that all his edgy soliloquising and the reactions of the ponies make sense within the logic of the story, it has been gradually slipping more and more into the appearance of a self insert of the author spouting trash. As I've said before, I generally would give SS&E the benefit of the doubt just based on how good some of those previous stories have been; however, this has just become a chore to read.
TL;DR This is just grating now. Shut up and buck up, Flash.
I understand exactly how Flash feels. I’ve felt the same way before, and still struggle with it at times. I’ve also talked to and helped/tried to help others who felt that way.
I’m a little disappointed that you didn’t have a more complete rebuttal against that mindset- Your answer was pretty much ‘it’s okay, you’re a good person, I promise’. Also, nobody is protesting his idea of ‘if I were really good, I’d give the shirt off my back to the first passerby’, when in reality that’s a horrible idea. Helping others in need- Even when it’s costly to you- Has value, but you have to realize that going overboard on it will hurt you badly.
Regardless of whether I ‘would’ stop and help somebody on the street- Should I, if it’ll make me late for school? Maybe, maybe not. What if it was late for a test at school? What if it was for my job with others relying on me? What if it would put my job at risk? What if it would put my life at risk?
There has to be some balance to it, and creating a ‘moral line’ is a very difficult task.
I had hoped you would address this and have a response- perhaps an insightful way to look at it that would help me, or other very real cases in which people experience the same depressive mindset- But I suppose that’s a little much to hope for.
Well, there’s always next chapter. Overall, I still like this story, and I always thought he would leave in the end. It sends a better message and meaning to the story, and it lets it end on a positive, not misanthropic, note that is beneficial to the message and the reader.
8904715
I agree, not to mention that it all sorta feeds this idea that Flash can't be happy without being a martyr in some way. He was right when he admitted to being narcissistic because if he was after doing good for its own sake then blending in with other do-gooders wouldn't matter. Instead he wants to return to the world which gave him crippling depression just because he feels good isn't good enough without him suffering more than equestrians do, painting him as a hypocrite after saying nobody else deserves it. It doesn't seem like he's leaving because he feels he can do more good, but just so he can feel special for his martyrdom.
You know, there's something that really bothers me about this. Namely that it seems like what we saw in the beginning of the fic, Flash and his surrounding and the fallout from what he did while Sunset's boytoy... all that seems to have been wiped away in favour of this one moment with that one lady. So, after chapters of him wallowing in self-loathing and angst and feeling sorry for himself, it feels like a completely different Flash Sentry altogether. One that popped up really just now. One that I don't have much of an emotional connection with because, again, it's like he recently replaced the guy we followed before.
8905390
This is what I'm feeling as well. There isn't any continuity of character. I'm still sticking around, but I'm very disappointed.
I feel like one of the few people who likes where this story has gone. It's hitting rather hard for me.
8905390
I was thinking that too, he could have at least had Sunset with him during that exchange to connect it a little better.