How to Disappear Completely

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Reasons

"Did you say unanimous?" Prince Blueblood visibly grimaced at the canine speaker facing him and his fellow equines. "But that's so... so..." A cold shiver rolled through his well-groomed figure. "...positively Orwhinnian!"

"Not to mention horribly impractical, I dare say!" Fancy Pants added with a slight note of consternation.

"Now now..." Filthy Rich waved a hoof at his fellow cohorts. "Let us not be too quick to judge. These are diamond dogs, after all. Not ponies. The whole point of doing this exchange is to bridge the gap between our different cultures, after all."

"But my dear Filthy—!" Blueblood began.

"Mr Rich, your honor."

"Whatever!" Blueblood pouted, facing the canines yet again. "The only reason we spent the time and resources to arrive here in the first place was to engage in trade negotiations! We were led to believe that this was precisely what the head council of the Diamond Dogs desired! Now you're trying to tell us that this is not the case?!"

"It isssssss... difficult to explain, we musssssst know," the dog at the front of the group said. Flash could tell from a distance that the canine was fighting a series of nervous ticks and instincts not to outright bark or howl that these insufferable horse bankers. "But to ussssss diamond dogsssss... it isssss bessssst to agree completely on thingssssss or elssssse rissssk conflict among our packsssss." He shook his head; leafy ears flopped in the cold mountain breeze. "Without total agreement, we cannot function. Disssssagreement among the packsssss would abssssolutely ruin ussss!"

"No wonder you stay underground!" Fancy Pants exclaimed. "With that kind of a bureacracy, you musn't have the opportunity to poke your heads any bloody place else!"

"Ahem..." Filthy Rich took a few bold steps forward. He nervously eyed the spears in the grip of the larger canines while addressing the speaker. "I must admit that I find your idea of government quite... noble." He ignored a snorting sound from Blueblood behind him. "And—Celestia knows—if all ponies could agree on things unanimously, we'd enjoy an even more prosperous civilization than we do currently. It's just that—from the very incarnation of Equestria—we found that ruling by majority to be a far more practical form of making and abiding law."

"It'sssss a wonder you haven't ssssuffered numeroussss warssss," the canine said without a moment's hesitation.

Flash Sentry couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at that.

"Yes, well..." Filthy cleared his throat. "The difference in our form of governing and your form of governing isn't exactly what we're taking issue with at the moment, my dear.... canine." He bore a nervous smile while gesturing at his fellow business-stallions. "You must understand, we had little to no knowledge of your 'unanimous ruling' when we previously scheduled this meeting. We assumed that your council had already chosen by majority for us to arrange negotiations. If there was a chance for this decision among your elders to change—and we had known about it ahead of time—I assure you that we would... very likely have hesitated in arriving here and with such great speed too."

"We are... ehhhh..." The canine scruffed his mangy chin. "...how do you ponies put it..." Suddenly, he brightened. With a show of fangs, he exclaimed: "We are sorry!"

Several other mutts nodded enthusiastically, tails wagging.

Blueblood and Fancy Pants stared with muzzles agape.

Up above, Spitfire merely face-hoofed with a prolonged sigh.

Filthy Rich did his best to compose himself. "Your attentiveness to equine politeness and manners is most appreciated, good sir." His brow furrowed. "But I do hope you understand that this whole situation puts us in quite the bind." He gestured. "It took a great deal of Fancy Pants' and Prince Blueblood's fortune to arrange this meeting. It would... erm... be very difficult to attempt to repeat this transport again in the future, should your leaders change their mind."

"Will they change their minds?!" Blueblood insisted. "For the greater good of both our cultures!"

"Your Eminence..." Fancy Pants sighed, trying to press his shoulder.

Blueblood brushed past him, frowning. "I assure you—the diamond dogs can only profit from the goods and resources we have to exchange! Don't your kind want... you know... good things?"

"My dear Prince, it simply isn't that easy!" Fancy Pants exclaimed.

"But we came all this way—!"

"Don't you think I know that?!" Fancy Pantrs sighed, then cast the canine representatives an exhausted look. "Perhaps you would allow us to appear before your council? So that we may convince those who haven't agreed to the proposal that they can only stand to benefit?"

The hairs on the speaker's back bristled slightly. "I'm afraid that only dogssss are allowed insssssside the deep hallsss of High Paw!" He gestured with his claws. "It'ssssss threatening the will of the council jussssssst to have you sssssstanding here on the plateau! But..." He calmed slightly. "We are not unreassssonable. We know you came here becaussssse of prior arrangementsssss. For that reasssssson, we have not sssssskewered you with sssssspearssss."

"Well..." Spitfire rolled her eyes. "...that's good to know, at least!"

"You're sure there's no way for us to convince your council otherwise?" Filthy asked.

"The council issssss not one ssssssolid entity," the speaker said. He glanced fixedly at Filthy. "At leasssssst... not in this casssssse."

"What do you mean by that?" Filthy asked.

"The reassssson we are not unanimousssss issssss due to the dissssaproval of the Hawkeye Pack," the dog explained.

"Wait a minute..." Prince Blueblood took a step forward, frowning. "You mean to tell me that the reason why we all have to turn tail and fly back to Canterlot is because of a single group of elders?"

"That isssss correct!" The speaker nodded. "The Hawkeye Pack issssss not willing to negotiate with ponykind."

"Why, of all the moronic—!" Prince Blueblood was silenced by a gentlecoltly fetlock.

Fancy Pants stood in front of him, facing the speaker. "Could we—at least—speak with this group of... Hawkeyes? Perhaps we might be able to talk some sense to them."

"That issssss not posssssssssible."

"I assure you that we will be most polite."

"I mean that they dwell in the deepest chambers of High Paw. And sssssssince non-dogsssss aren't allowed in there—"

"Good heavens—then couldn't one of the Hawkeyes come to the surface so we can speak here?"

"I doubt any of them will be willing."

"And why's that?"

"They are convinced that poniesssssss only wissssssh to cook ussssss dogssss alive and eat them."

"You can't be serious! Do we look like carnivores to you?! Please... my good chap... if we could just steal five minutes of their time..."

While Fancy Pants and his companions struggled to strike a bargain with the speaker, Flash Sentry found himself feeling... more than a little bit uncomfortable. As a result, he started fidgeting... and that fidgeting turned into meandering. Soon, he had pivoted about in a half-circle, his pony eyes scanning the arid mountains surrounding the plateau. As his ears twitched to the sound of bickering animal people, he noticed something flickering in the corner of his peripheral.

"...?"

Curious, Flash darted his head towards the location of the light beacon. He found himself staring at a tall mountain peak located southeast of where the Midnight Oil was hovering. The teenager stared and stared... noticing nothing out of the order.

Then—just as his eyelids were itching to blink—he saw it again. The flicker... like a pulse of reflective light.

Brow furrowed, Flash stared at the sky. It was getting late in the afternoon and the sun was setting in the west beyond the edges of High Paw. He glanced southeast again—at the mountain—and again he saw the flicker. Only this time, he could have sworn the light was moving.

Flash opened his muzzle to say something. But as he turned towards the rest of the group, he found that all of them were completely absorbed into the heated conversation taking place between pony and canine kind. Nobody was looking at the southeast mountain.

And nobody was looking at him.

Already, his wings were twitching. His mind wandered, and already he knew that what he was contemplating was the absolute most stupid thing he could do.

So he did it.

On soft hooves, Flash Sentry snuck away from the scene... and made for the outermost east slopes of High Paw, where the plateau's stone surface dipped further out of sight. Not that it mattered. Nopony had their eye on him.

None... except for one stallion. Soarin' caught Flash's movements immediately. He could have shouted something—but he didn't want to exacerbate the already dramatic scene. What was more, there was something deliberately purposeful about Flash's stealthy exit. Beyond curious, Soarin' threw a worrisome eye at Spitfire, and after realizing her flank was turned... he swiftly mimicked Flash's actions... stealing himself away from the scene with quiet haste.

Comments

[MythrilMoth]

"They are convinced that poniesssssss only wissssssh to cook ussssss dogssss alive and eat them."

The first joke that came to mind here would get me lynched, so instead I'll go with this:

"But they live under the land, not under the sea! Land doesn't even RHYME with fricassee!"

[Leftover of Saikano]

Not like that can make this worse.

[ShadowsDarkHeart]

Oh dear lol

[vorxil]

"They are convinced that poniesssssss only wissssssh to cook ussssss dogssss alive and eat them."

So they dug too greedily and deeply and found the Chineighse?

[Hap]

Then—just as his eyelids were itching to blink—he saw it again. The flicker... like a pulse of reflective light.

OMG... he sees Yaerferda!

[IceKitsune]

Hopefully he has stumbled onto something that will fix this situation and not just break it out into a war.

[Czar_Yoshi]

"But my dear Filthy—!" Blueblood began.

"Mr Rich, your honor."

"Yes, well..." Filthy cleared his throat.

I love passive-aggressive narrators.

Then—just as his eyelids were itching to blink—he saw it again. The flicker... like a pulse of reflective light.

Yaerfaerda machine world ruby flame lavender light gahhhhhhhhh

Now I know how the EoP crowd felt when Utaan went on about Onyx Eclipses.

[PropMaster]

I hope Flash is about to make some good things happen, and not exacerbate the situation.

[KMCA]

7968397 This is mild in comparison, but yes.

[Boop-Happy Lass]

He be seeing Yaerfaerda.

[Bruno]

Flash, Soarin, don’t do anything stupid now