Nightmare Moon's returned and Twilight captured. In order to survive she must sacrifice everything
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Two things. Firstly, it's still Friday my time so I'm technically on time. Secondly, my pre-reader is a slave driver. A slave driver I tell you! Bleah. I suppose there is a reason why I picked him though because without his help, this chapter would have been utter garbage. So all of you send him some love. I suggest skipping the rest of this note until you finish reading the chapter.
Now, to the ramblings!
Twilight's section was completely rewritten into first person perspective. Not much to say except it's got foreshadowing, awesomeness and the ending. Whereas in her previous death scene I focused on her badass nature and self sacrfice, I really wanted to show her as being scared in the end.
The next section is very much focused on Celestia and like the previous one, I rewrote this revised this multiple times to give it more emotional impact. This was all about Celestia's view of herself and how her self image took a real hit due to everything that's happened. The second part of this section was centered on shock factor and showing just how powerful Discord truly is. I wonder how many of you saw what I did coming.
Following that, we've got various short bits detailing others and the emotion and stuff like that. Of course, there's that major surprise with the Spirit in there. Not much to say other than that really.
And then we get to the awesome stuff. If it wasn't due to y1fellas, it wouldn't be nearly as epic as it is now. I wanted to show each of the characters and how over the top powerful they've become as well as them acting together to take down Discord. At the same time, I didn't want it to be an utter curb stomp battle so Discord put on a real fight. Throughout the entire section, I wanted Discord to slowly lose his cool and get more arrogant as well as angry. Not sure how well I pulled that off though.
And then we have the calm. Originally it was "too happy" as I glossed over all the rebuilding that had to be done. The very last couple of lines was written in conjunction with y1fellas so I owe major thanks to him for making the ending so awesome.
On a final note, there are two more chapters to go. Both of them epilogues. Until then, enjoy!
1101943
I just want everyone to know that I'm not a slave driver. Also, he was free to reject my advice at any time.
1101963
Don't listen to him. He's eeeeeeeeeeeevil
1102053
Says the man who murdered Twilight.... Twice!
Come on folks who you gonna believe, me the friendly pre-reader, or this guy who basically turned his story into an experiment on how much horrible stuff you can put a pony through?
Believe me folks, he had every opportunity to release his work before I ok'd it.
Yes, update! I was so afraid I'd ave to wait until SATURDAY, or something. However, I did not! The ending pwn battle felt a tad rushed, but I enjoyed it otherwise. Twilight kicked ass, as usual. Looking forward to the wrap-up!
the feels, brah...
I would STRONGLY suggest going over this chapter again, guys. Some parts were extremely hard to understand as you transitioned between different viewpoints. The part with Twilight and Gaia was extremely garbled; I had no idea you went from Celestia and Luna's viewpoint to Twilight/Gaia's until halfway through Twilight's scene. Some parts of it also seemed a bit... rushed.
All in all, an okay story I suppose. One by one the Elements get killed by Discord, than are reborn as Alicorns. So yea, Elements of Harmony and Trixie get a second chance after Discord kills them, but my favorite mare does not. Blegh. Guess you really just dislike her. Starting to think I should have followed my better instincts and dropped this story after you killed off Twi the first time.
Evil that helps brings us awesome chapters. so not That evil after all! Unless, you know, he wants to be...
1102075 Nah, that's my next fic. Maybe.
1102110 Probably because I wrote it just a couple hours ago.
1102174 Nah, he doesn't want to be evil I don't think
1102163
That would be entirely my fault. It was originally written as third person and instead of rewriting it like I should have, I just shifted everything to first person and added in some extra thoughts. I thought the opening might be a bit confusing, but I wasn't really sure how to fix that.
Well two chapters left so you might as well stick to the end...
Humph. I suppose. Next time I ignore something my instincts tells me to do though, I'm gonna club myself over the head with something heavy.
1102174
I'm not the evil one he is. Come on you've read his story! He made Twilight drink pee damn it!
1102246 Awwwwwww don't be like that
1102273 Says the person who castrated someone
Again with the missing spaces... so many missing spaces.
1102296
Only that one time. It was only once I swear.
1101963 Hey now, if Slave driving is what gave us this awesome chapter and so quickly, then drive away all you want! Besides. Slavery? There are much worse things.
oi48.tinypic.com/9s3p08.jpg
1102329
Really? Of come freaking on! For some weird reason when I transfer the document to and from my comp, spaces go missing. Excuse me while I bash my head against a wall and then fix everything
1102409 You are evil.
1102426 Get back to work you!
e621.net/data/3b/41/3b419a3a49baa117a2efa30fd8d03cdf.jpg?1305350105
1102409
Did not slave drive. He was free to leave at any time. He exaggerates. I merely wanted this chapter be of the highest possible quality.
wow so basically Twilights now the god?, of equestria? i do hope she gets a new body... maybe even join places with the nightmare except for the good side. i'm just bursting at the seems to find out. in the EPILOGUE. so long as twilight gets to see celestia one last time. that that was awesome when you had celestia go bad ass and capture the nightmare tho i kinda feel sorry for her after that. and final note twi better get something awesome for bringing the EOH back from the dead.
cheers
A question: Why doesn't Celestia simply blame Discord? It isn't like he can actually say anything to defend himself, and most of Equestria now knows of his existence and has also seen a bit of his power. Just shift things around a bit, so that he comes off as the hidden puppetmaster behind Nightmare Moon, and start rumors that Twilight realized this, and set everything up to free Celestia and Luna, even as she fought against his poisonous influence. And Twilight becomes a Bryonic Hero to population at large.
1102589 Twilight's a god? Nope. I can see how you interpreted it that way, but that wasn't my intention sorry.
1102642
Twilight also took part in many battles, took no prisoners, slaughtered thousands and actively fought for Nightmare Moon. Furthermore, rumors had already started that Twilight was behind everything so suddenly changing it all would not have worked that well. It would have worked if she hadn't done all that and the rumors hadn't already started, but I felt going the Discord parth (like you suggested) had too many holes in it to work.
1102685 dang then how the buck did she revive the elements of harmony as alicorns?
Wellp, you get my vote to live regardless of how you tie it off with the epilogues. For once, I can not forsee what you might have planned, but thats because epilogues can happen at any time after the final chapters. Congrats to both you and y1fellas for a great piece of work, and I do hope to eventually see more stories from you after you've had a sufficient amount of time off from finishing this.
1102704
She didn't. Basically it was the collective dreams/whatever of Equestria shaping the Spirit Realm allowing the Spirits of Honesty, Loyalty, etc to connect to the Element Bearers (their avatars) and thus they became Spirits. Though I didn't touch on it, part of the world building is that a pony actually has to die before they can become alicorns (kinda like a phoenix rebirth).
1102708
Thanks! I've actually already got a couple oneshots and another multi chapter fic planned for the future.
i just know this they're lucky twi saved their hind quarters and sent them to safety before they got completely beaten by discord. now their all immortal tho i wonder what the nightmare's going to do about all of this.
1102773 You'll seeeeeeeeee
just watch the intro video.
i hate cliff hangers hopefully you dont leave twi with the short stick this time tis all i'm saying.
1102685
To be fair, so did Luna as Nightmare Moon. Discord pretty much set himself up as the badguy, giving the public a villain that can easily take the fall, and if both Elements of Harmony and Princess Celestia are making public statements that he's responsible for slowly corrupting/controlling Luna as Nightmare Moon and then later taking control of Twilight until she manages to heroically break free of his influence, and free Celestia, then most people are likely forget or ignore the rumors, and believe what their heroes are telling them.
The EoH in the public eyes would have no reason to side with a known villain, can be trusted, and are likely massive popular and influential as the major heroes of Equestria, and Princess Celestia is a well respected monarch whose had a thousand years to master the art of propaganda.
1102987
Well... shut up =chuckles= I'l admit, it's a major plot hole in the story. Originally Discord wasn't meant to do the whole screen TV thing so the world basically wouldn't have known he existed, but in the end he kinda wrote that in himself. Bleah. Still, this way there's a lot more emotional impact so that shall be my defense. A flimsy one, but hey
So... you... you basically made everypony else GODS while you kill off my favorite pony... TWICE and unsatisfied with the kill, you DESTROYED her soul too so that means unlike the other Elements of Harmony, she can't revive and turn into an alicorn like they could.
Monster.
I love you for it
1103184 =laughs= Basically? Yep! And I'm just lovable like that (and I am so taking that as a huge compliment).
Now that I've read this and gotten some sleep, here are my thoughts on this chapter (and the story as a whole now that it's mostly over): This chapter was bad. Not just because it was obviously really rushed (it's riddled with errors; enough errors that, if this were a story opening, I would down-vote it on principle and never look at it again), but because it serves no point. Here's a summary of the events of this 14000 words: Twilight finally disperses into non-existence, there's a really long fight with Discord, and the Element Bearers ascend (still have no idea why you decided to do this) via deus ex machina. The end result of this chapter is the exact same as the end result of the previous one, it doesn't have any real character or plot development, it's just there. Discord just came for the sake of coming, and his defeat was a foregone conclusion because him winning would defeat the point of the entire rest of the story. And to be blunt, it probably would have been better if he just wasn't in this ever. Honestly, I feel like I wasted my time reading it, especially because the last real chapter of The Immortal Game released about 10 minutes before this, it just did 'The end of the war' better.
As for the rest of the story, it's good overall, but started going downhill from chapter 27 on. The story had always been about Twilight, her actions, what happens to her, and the world's reactions to what she does, but starting at 27 it became a string of Dragon Ball Z fight scenes (over the top for the sake of being over the top). The best two battles in the story are easily Twilight's fight with Applejack at the Everfree, and the 'battle' of Reinsville, because neither overstayed their welcome, and they weren't about the fight, they were about the emotional impact and implications of the fights ('Is Twilight still a good guy?' and 'Twilight is officially a monster now' respectively).
1102708
I don't feel comfortable being co credited with this story. I only began pre reading in the latest chapters and a'll I've really done is pressured Orphius to write more and better and let him steal a couple of ideas from me. Give all credit to him. He had the vision and this is his story.
1103330
First of all, I'm going to thank you for the review because it's actually a negative review that states what you think is wrong with the chapter and why. And turth be told, everything you said made sense to a degree. Um... yeah. I realized I really should have put in Discord at Chapter 25 or so and by that stage I had already set him up as being there so... bleah. Truth be told, the ascending was meant to happen in the epilogue, but then Discord killed the Bearers.
Oh geez. The Immortal Game. I posted my fic up, looked at over and went "Well crap, that is way more epic than what I wrote. I am so screwed."
Ah well, two more chapters and then I'm (finally) done with the fic.
Can we have an alternate happy ending?
v:
1103423
What are you talking about? WE HAVE A HAPPY ENDING
1103857
I look at your avatar and think otherwise :L
As a physics nerd, I love you for this.
And as a physics nerd, I must question this scene. The sonic rainboom is, as everybody should know, the MLP equivalent of the sonic boom. For Dash to break it multiple times in the same flight session, she would need to break it once, slow down under the speed of sound, accelerate above it again, and repeat. Is this what actually happened? Because there is only one sound barrier to break through.
One more thing. Turning the Mane 6 (save for Twilight) into Alicorns? Honestly, this ruins the characters for me. It seems like death has no meaning anymore.
1117779
I'm glad you enjoyed that! I put that in because of The Immortal Game where Twilight does a really cool physics thing and I wanted in sorta emmulate that. As for the sonic rainboom, the way I imagined it was that Dash had to deccelerate in order to make a sharp enough turn and come back. So, in other words, she does indeed slow down then accelerate above the speed of sound multiple times.
Oh ouch, I'm sorry to hear that. Could you expand on potentially why you feel that way?
1120616 Well, it's basically that a bunch of resurrections ruins the finality of death. If one character dies, you don't really feel bad for them, since you know about the possibility of them just popping back up at any point for whatever reason. It's somewhat similar to why I hate it when writers introduce time-travel into their stories. It usually ruins the finality of every single thing that happens. Did your parents die? Did you miss a big opportunity? No matter, just hop into the TARDIS and everything will be fixed.
As for turning the ponies into Alicorns, I have a problem with that because it ruins their identity. Applejack is an Earth Pony, Rainbow Dash is a Pegasus, and Rarity is a Unicorn. That's a big defining thing about them. Now that you suddenly turned them into princesses, that's all thrown into the toilet. Fluttershy lost a wing in this story, and that point of character development is now gone. Even looking past all this, the concept of turning them into Alicorns is simply silly.
1122338 This was pretty much my thoughts on the ascensions as well, just explained better.
1122338 =laughs= Alright, I can definitely see that now. Ah well, live and learn. Hopefully the epilogue will help with that? I pretty much dropped the ball at the end there and both you and DoomManta have called me out on it.
1123294 Ah =nods= Alright. I thought that's what you meant, but wasn't sure
And then everything was perfect and good. FOREVER
And by that I mean it's just feels... dull. Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed reading this story up untill now. It's one of the best, if not THE best, dark Twilight stories out there. Just the end to this chapter doesn't seem to fit in, in my humble opinion. Everypony is now an alicorn. Horay! Who cares that Twilight just evaporated, we're princesses! Even Celestia didn't seem to care at first, just stating that she could now take a holiday
But I might just be a tiny little bit biased because my favorite pony got curbstomped like that when all else fails, blame Twilight
Anyway, I hope I didn't make this too negative. I just hope the epilogue will be as awesome as the rest of the story.
1129666
Too negative? Ha! Read DoomMantra's review where he basically said this chapter was crap and then told me why. Trust me, reviews like the ones you two gave are ones I like because it let's me know why you feel the chapter was bad and how it can be improved. . Amsuingly, y1fellas (my prereader) commented on the ending being a bit too cherry. I tried to get across that endorphine rush of "Oh yes, it's finally over and we won", but obviously it still hasn't come across right.
And yes, the epilogue will be a lot better (hopefully). I'd say more, but that'd give too much away.
Ok, so you know how when people tag a story as "everypony is awesome" they mean just the ones that we normally see? Well, now we really mean EVERYPONY gets to be awesome. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
"There was overkill and then there was this."
I believe that someone already posted a picture about that Discord. Seriously, at least read the comments. How inconsiderate.
Also, this is some of the best portrayal of Pinkie shattering reality in the way that she does and still making it legit. 10 moustaches out of 10
"Taste the rainbow!"
Yes. Yes! YES!!!! Oh how I've been waiting forever to hear that line.
1103330
Also, ignore this shmo. I loved this battle. It really had the feel of an epic climactic battle for the fate of the world.
1103330
I have to agree with you...
Although I found the chapter ok... because some of the fighting in it was cool...
I kinda wish the story just ended with the defeat of nightmare moon. Then maybe a sequel where they would go and fight discord.
But then again this is my opinion