Nightmare Moon's returned and Twilight captured. In order to survive she must sacrifice everything
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Okay, this chapter is the last one where I'll be laying out Twilight's thought process in detail when it comes to down "evil" stuff. Generally speaking, this can be applied to everything so keep it in mind. Looking back on this chapter, I feel as though Pinkie and Twilight's sections are competing with each other for centre stage which is a bit of an issue, but not that massive of one.
As always, critiques please.
Oh yeah I loved this chapter. Personally I think Pinkie completely stole the spotlight but in a good way. The way she changed her own memories was great and I love the line "And that, was how Equestria was made." it implies that her cutie mark story is just as much of a lie as her "party" with the guards.
Yeah this is definitely one of your better chapters, and serious Pinkie here was way more interesting then your initial fourth wall breaking attempts.
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Don't remind me of the fourth wall breaking. I swear I was sleep deprived when I wrote that and agreed, Pinkie totally stole the spotlight in this chapter.
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I will be sure to bring that up in future.
I liked this chapter. But I noticed that you didn't use the most common fan-given name of Twilight's father, which is Night Light. Any particular reason?
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At the time of writing it, I didn't know his fan-given name so I just went with whatever.
811110 Out of curiousity, when did you write this?
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A couple months ago I believe so it was a long time ago
Didn't change perspective to 3rd person. I should be replaced with Rarity. (Chapter 11)
In some torture situations that happen over time people will create a second personality to protect themselves. The torture happens to the personality, not the original person.
Dayummmmm Twilight, you scary.
Dude, this is so good.
I'm really not sure if I can like this anymore. From a detached, third-person point of view, this is a brilliant description of the kind of breakdown Twilight could be going through (from my limited psychology knowledge). From a me point of view, I am horrified at what is happening (somehow for me pinkie being schizophrenia style is actually worse than what Twilight is doing, how messed up is that?). The moral descent that she is on is very believable. However, the contents of her actions, while they make her all the more "real" to me as a reader, also make me a bit queasy. Of course, I knew what I was asking for when I made the earlier comments, I guess... I guess I just wasn't expecting you to deliver in spades. I have the strange contradiction of liking enough gore/horror/scarriness that it gets the blood pumping, right at that queasy/squeamish limit, but not past it. The sickest part is, I had no problems with Twilight being tortured, but when she is doing the torturing, then somehow it strikes me as revolting. Am I messed up or what? Nonetheless, I shall "pony on" as it were, to the end, hopefully this picks up to a bit more of a lighter note. And soon.
This turns out to be just that amazing kind of dark fiction I like