Nightmare Moon's returned and Twilight captured. In order to survive she must sacrifice everything
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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If I don't update tomorrow, it's because some Fluttershy fan found me in my sleep. Or it's because I forgot, but the first is much more likely.
821379 True enough! i know sadly what happened to the poor dear at least Zecora mad it a little better while she went through it.
o and how are things going with the editing? also hopefully things don't get too rough tho i think twilight has so far suffered the most out of all the main six in this fic.
FLUTTAHSHAI!?
821491
Mwhahahahahaha! Yes, Fluttershy just lost a wing. Say "No" as much as you want, but that does not change the fact that I'm evil.
821509 Actually, I meant "no" because she caused e'reything. I enjoy seeing Fluttershy getting maimed in fan media.
821531
Oh, my mistake then =chuckles= I only made her lose a wing because she decided to be an idiot and you know, she should be punished for doing silly and stupid things.
821579 I would have preferred if she was gutted like a fish, but I'm a sick bastard, so
821585
Yes you are, yes you are. I just felt that missing a wing would be dark enough.
821596 Yes.
Now gut Zecora.
821609
Now there's an idea. Hm.....
821614
I'll even draw fanart for it.
also: wat is ur devint art???
821619
I've been meaning to draw cover art for this fic actually. I'll probably get around to it eventually.
My dA is orphiusolyandra.deviantart.com The link can also be found on my profile.
821626 >The link can also be found on my profile.
DAMN. I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.
821777
To quote the gaming company Atlus (or at least one of their memebers) "'We get off on your tears."
"With a smile and nod of her head, Flutter made sure he would attack the ponies working under Nightmare Moon before agreeing."
You might want to fix that gender. Also, I noticed that you often switch between calling Fluttershy Flutter or Shy. Nicknames are all fine and dandy, but you should pick one and stick to it.
Otherwise, I think this could've been a bit darker if Zecora had to remove the wing without the sedatives. Just saying.
Edit: Fuck, I just re-read this comment and I feel like a total douche right now.
821811
Why would I fix that gender? The "he" was refering to the manticore if I recall correctly...
As for the whole nickname thing, it more or less relates to the previous chapter where she's refered to as "Flutter" when in disguise and "Shy" when out of it. I'll try to make that clearer in future chapters though so thanks for the heads up.
I originally considered that, but felt it might have been taking things a bit too far, but considering the opening chapters it probably would have been fine.
Oh please, I've had far more scathing reviews in the past and I like scathing reviews. I like critiques and everything you raised is totally valid. So please, keep it up.
821833 Damn it, this is what happens when I read at 1:30 AM. Oh well.
Ah yes, such a great chapter. Re-reading it's a little hard to feel sorry for Fluttershy given what happens later but it's still a fantastic scene.
Also I said it last time but the only way I can make sense of AJ loosing that fight with Twilight is if she held back. Otherwise it really is a plot hole. You should've made that clearer I think.
823916
Agreed, but I'll hopefully think of something eventually
I don't think Twilight should have been as affected by the pain. She was boiled from the inside out, burned by a chain for a week, not to mention all the other little things. Broken bones and cuts are now inconsequential for her. Though I feel she should have been muttering little things the whole time, just to make her seem crazy.
Also, there were more point of view issues, you like reverting to first person a lot.
"What can I say? Awesomest pony around," she chuckled softly, but that soon turned into a hacking cough.
"And most foolish," added Soarin. "Don't do that again. Spitfire would kill me if you died, though she'd have to race Fluttershy for that honor."
My word, you have made Fluttershy one of the most feared characters in my mind now. You were right when you warned me that this story was insane. I could be writing little comments each chapter but I am saving the majority of them for the end.
Twilight was kinda stupid here. She couldn't even wink at AJ? Come on, she's a genius.