Nightmare Moon's returned and Twilight captured. In order to survive she must sacrifice everything
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Pacing. Dear Celestia, the pacing. So many things happen in this chapter it's not even amusing. First Trixie was introduced and geez she's hard to write in a commander position, but considering her larger than life nature, I can easily imagine ponies flocking to her in their time of need even if they may find her annoying. And then came Fluttershy. I hinted at this waaaaaay back when they first meet Foxtrot that she had to kill that poor pony, but now it's being brought to the forefront. Following this, was Pinkie Pie. The second real cliffhanger in the story and isn't it a fun one? Dash is a 50-50 in terms of wham, but I really wanted to shift her away from the sort of portrayal the Upheaval Series by Visiden Visidane (awesome series, found on EQD and here) gave her while keeping her very much Dash hence the verbal lashing from AJ. Lastly came Twilight and setting up of next chapter. Like I said, dear Celestia the pacing was off - I had about three hard hitting sections in one chapter. Even Rarity got in on the action!
this is a good chapter too bad the only character building chapters i like were the twilight ones. without twilight they really do fall apart as friends at least. and Trixie if i didn't know any better i would think you overpowered her.
at least twi in this chapter is working her hardest to make NMM an evil creature in image as possible. but i wonder if luna's telling the truth that NMM actually has some kindness within her? i really do wonder?
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The character building chapters of the other characters are really only starting to begin now so hopefully you'll start finding some of them interesting. As for Trixie, I went with the interpretation that she's at least above average in terms of power, but that's just one interpretation I used.
In terms of NMM, that's an interesting question and one that even I don't know the answer to. But then again, I don't know the answer to a lot of things.
832057 then i guess we'll see what happens then wont we? anyway i love the story's where NMM is evil at first but actually has an excuse for being cold and cruel. but then again i really love what you've done with twilight in this story except for one part later on which i cant talk about till that specific chapter is loaded up. also i'm surprised at her resilience to the torture nmm doled out to her i honestly thought twilight would have given in to NMM's efforts and not really hold out like she did.
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One of my other reviewers actually mentioned that the only person who could survive NNM's torture was Chuck Norris (or something that effect). I do think I went a tad too far with the torture scenes in terms of being realistic, but it's waaaaaaay too late to change that now.
832092 true but then again i honestly believe twilight would survive what would kill chuck Norris and honestly i knew she'd be able to survive the torture physically i was just surprised about it mentally.
"Glancing up, she caught the faint silhouette of pegasuses flying overhead."
Was that intentional? And good god, those Pinkie Pie parts are golden.
I also like how this story is branching out.
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Yep! Entirely intentional since it was a Pinkie Pie section I figured it would fit. I may not write their sections in first person, but I try to inject some of their mannerisms into the writing. It's one of the few things I'm trying to improve on so it may be out of place and if it is, please feel free to mention it. Glad you're enjoying the Pinkie sections, though truth be told, I was expecting Fluttershy bit to steal the show.
As for branching out, I originally felt Twilight couldn't really add much more the story after her fight with AJ and thus I needed something else to keep it interesting. To that end I'll be developing the rest of the Mane 6 more and exploring their reactions to war and the Elements.
But didn't NNM remove the collar after Twilight cut up AJ?
Also, funny thought, the ponies use dragon fire to teleport objects; Fluttershy used dragon fire to burn bodies. I can not only think of Spike burping up 10 dead ponies.
Twilight should just split her mind, create the perfect evil mare and let her run the show and protect what is left of her psyche
I freaking love they way twilight acts in story high hoof
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She removed the magic restriction ring.